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Question for friend~ - 5/1/2004 7:31:46 PM

Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
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I have a friend who has been collard on-line.
The Domme live across the country. His question to me was?
She want's him to have one of his nipple pierced.
How does a long distance Domme show to the Sub that they really care for him? Or what ways would She show. He is going to get his nipple pierced, but was wondering if he would be out of-line asking for a collar from Her??{She is online most every night for him and is focused on him} I am very submissive and don't know what to tell him.
Thank You for Your time and advice~~

Sincerely, knees2You~

quote:

*I'm sorry the mind that You are trying to control is out of order. Please check the mind and try again~~*

RE: Question for friend~ - 5/1/2004 7:40:27 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2004
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Your friend has to do what he feels he should do. My own feelings is that piercings, tatoo's and things that *alter* you should wait until after both collar and even more, until after you have had live interaction. Though I have discussed piercings with more than one dominant, it is something that I would never consider casually. As my mom always says about piercings and tatoos. don't do anything now that you won't be proud of at 90.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: Question for friend~ - 5/1/2004 7:45:40 PM

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Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

He is going to get his nipple pierced, but was wondering if he would be out of-line asking for a collar from Her??

In my personal humble opinion the Dom/Domme decides if and when a sub is deserving of His/Her collar. Maybe the piercing will show her how serious and loyal he is, and be a positive step to earning a collar.

Attachment (1)

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: Question for friend~ - 5/1/2004 8:35:12 PM

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I thought he was already collared?

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/20/2004 6:21:59 PM

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He should follow his heart. Yet at the same time walk forward with open eyes. Myself, I wouldn't do anything for an online anybody. People brand themselves with nothing to back it up with each and everyday. Yet, you tell us he has an excellent relationship with her. So just be cautious and if it is something he wants, why not do it?

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/20/2004 7:14:45 PM

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Okay...he's collared online. I won't go into my issues regarding this.

He's getting his nipple pierced, because his online domme want's him to. Okay. If he's willing to do that...cool. Piercings are neat.

Perhaps I am misunderstandiong the question. Is he wanting a real-time slave collar? If that's the case..I do think he would be out of line for asking. A collar belongs to the dominant and is given when the dominant wishes to give it to someone. Petitioning for a collar, in my mind...seems pushy.

Is he wanting a collar in return for his service in this piercing? This sounds manipulative at best.

How do you show that you care for someone in a LDR? Consistency...communication...realism.

Not sure if any of this is helpful or not... Good luck to your friend.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/20/2004 7:41:41 PM

tanna

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/29/2004
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Well, it's really a personal choice for your friend, isn't it.. It's up to him to decide how serious this relationship really is.

I would have to ask if this is moving toward a real time relationship or will it continue to be online only? And, I guess it also depends on how much credibility and importance your friend places upon this relationship.

Because I have real issues with LDR over the 'net and virtual collarings. (but it's not about me here)

Yes, he would be out of line asking for a collar.. Though I might suggest he could just say that permanent markings are out of the question until there is a collar. One of my limits is that there will be no tattoos or piercings. If/when there is a collar around my neck then that may change.

I don't buy into this 'prove you love me' stuff by maiming a body part. Love isn't always forever, but holes and tattoos are.

tanna

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/20/2004 7:53:02 PM

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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Hello knees2you,

I understand that your friend is in a spot. On the one hand, he doesn't want to piss off the Domme who has, so far, been good to him (focused, there for him, etc.). At the same time she's asking things of him that, it sounds like anyway, he thinks are not in line with the current level of the relationship (online only). I will tell you what I have told countless novices over the years. Playing the "prove your submission to me" game with someone that you don't actually know is a losing proposition, unless it is the game itself that you are enjoying.

His wanting to ask for a collar before he takes this step suggests to me that he's not in this for the thrill of obeying the commands of an anonymous someone that he only knows by a screen name. His hope is that the relationship will progress. Conversely, her ordering someone that she has never met to do something like this suggests to me that she is in it for the thrill of commanding someone from afar. I'd say that there is a better than average chance that they are at cross-purposes here.

In the short run, the safe thing for him to do is to do as she says, and hope that something good comes of it. The wise thing is probably for him to have a very frank conversation with her about her intentions. Is she looking for a collared submissive offline? Is there enough room in her life for the level of involvement that your friend seeks, whether that is 24/7, or whatever else? Is this something that, for her, will never go further than online?

Online D/s is not that much different than people who used to write love letters to each other for years. It is a valid form or relationship, but when it's between one party that wants nothing more, and another party that is always hoping for more, it can be rather sad. Tell your friend not to do that.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to knees2you)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/21/2004 8:53:26 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I will address My personal ways of how I address online and real life.
The computer can be a wonderful thing or a terrible thing depending
on how you use it.
I take My online as seriously as real life however I am in the minority.(Ifeel)
Oneline for most people is a place to play and learn with out reporcussion.
Its a place for them to be what they cannot be in real life or to experiance
sumthing they are afraid to touch in real life or to simply have adult fun online.
This is their game board and you are a piece of the puzzle lets say.
If I Own a slave online I would not ask them to do anything that could not
be done online. If I desire for My Posession to have a pierced nipple I will
perform this desire My self in person or be there when I were to have it done
or I will online scene out this action and take it online.
What point is there to set up this scene if you are not experianceing it. If
the Dominant online desires to scene the suplicant having their nipple pierced
then let it be so and word out such a scene in actions of words while online.
If I Collar a slave online to Me it is no different then real life and I send them
My collar as I am looking for it to evolve into real life however as I said up
above there are many whom only desire the online and to push its boundries
into seeing how far they can take sumone into real life with out investing
anything of self.
Online to Me = online actions
RealLife to Me = real life actions
This is a tied tail way of knowing if a Dominant is serious or not because as a
Dominant They will always take the first initiative in My Opinion. If you as a sub
allready feel that you have to push the envalope per say in asking for a collar
then this Dominant is not as Dominant as you need and if you have a collar should
also have a contract that states what you concider a limit or what expectations you
have of the relationship which should of been included and talked out and discussed
befor the collaring. That you expect a collar of concideration or a collar of ownership
after the fact seems to Me to be cart befor the horse and you have jumpted into sumthing
you were not prepared to do and now must fact this fact and either work with the Dominant
to make the changes needed and open the communication or concider this a learning
block and bow out . JMO

The number one rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
H O N O R
The number two rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
I N T E G R I T Y
The number three rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
T R U S T
The number four rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is:
T O T A L L Y O P E N C O M U N I C A T I O N
The number five rule in any Alternate Lifestyle is Noblity:
S.S.C S A F E S A N E C O N S E N S U A L and/or
R.A.C.K. R I S K A W A R E C O N S E N S U A L K I N K

If any of these 5 BASIC laws of Alternate Living are
broken the One breaking them is NOT living up to or have learned
yet their chosen Lifestyles Positions Rules, Regulations and
Proticals hence They are NOT what I would concider ready to scene.JMO

The items up above that are being broken need to be
corrected and a collaring in Our Lifestyle is equal to the
marrying in a Vanilla Lifestyle and should be taken as serious
regardless if online or real life........

(in reply to Leonidas)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/21/2004 8:32:15 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

in my opinion, the piercing is symbolic of the sub's commitment to the relationship. A sub shouldn't do something in order to get something in return. they should be doing something in order to please their Master/Mistress. i feel like online collars are meaningless. it is just like play acting.

jill

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 12:27:11 AM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Ohhh I totally disagree jill
by My experiance online,
colars are not meaningless
as they hold My Honor. Would
you say that My Honor is also
meaningless just because it
too is online? Ive had good
real life colars Ownership come from
My online and online collaring.
I would not of had these online
relationships nor the real life ones
if I thought of a colar online as
meaningless. JMO

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 9:10:20 AM

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Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jillwfsub4blkdom

i feel like online collars are meaningless. it is just like play acting.

jill

I dont think that people should judge others for their choices, or judge the choice they made..

There are PLENTY of people who think that D/s full stop is meaningless... or that Gorean is just 'playacting'. People who collar/are collared online are no more meaningless than any other Lifestyle choice. It might not be for You... but for others its a choice. Respect costs nothing but is itself, priceless.(IMHO)

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 10:15:55 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel
Respect costs nothing but is itself, priceless.(IMHO)

I agree.

That's why I work hard not to mistake jill's opinion, (clearly stated as such) or anybody else's opinion, as being "judgemental". Oh well, I guess we just have different views about the definition of respect.

Anyway, I'd love to learn about your own experiences/thoughts/insight about your own online collaring, darkangel.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 10:44:48 AM

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From: UK
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I do not think that people should judge others at all(in an ideal world). But what I believe in, and what happens, is a completely different thing. Only the perfect do not judge and anyone claiming to be so 'perfect'.. well..i would run a mile from...*smiles*(IMHO). But then thats another personal choice.

As for 'my online collar', I do not have one. (Again, another personal choice)So I am unable to comment specifically on such. But I do respect peoples right to have one, or want one, even if I do not, just as I respect jills view & i responded with my own.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to January)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 10:27:51 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

i apologize if my opinion sounded disrespectful. it wasn't meant to be. i just think that Y/you are dealing with totally different parameters when it is online vs offline. i have met a number of people who came across one way on the computer but when i met them they were completely different. i think it is very hard to know someone and make a commitment to them unless Y/you have met them in person. Again, i do apologize.

jill

(in reply to darkinshadows)

RE: Question for friend~ - 7/22/2004 10:38:48 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I would think they should actually meet (physically/ face to face) before he makes any physical changes to his body as any sign of committment. Anything online only is 95% BS. Until people meet you have no idea who you are dealing with.

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to knees2you)

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