quote:

When we chat on IM, he never asks me anything and responds to questions very briefly, but his emails are long and detailed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack
1. When we chat on IM, he never asks me anything and responds to questions very briefly, but his emails are long and detailed.

It could be that he is just working at the time or chatting with others and so keeping it short. Same could be said for answers that take a while to come back. Is he not asking questions because you are telling him all about you so he has no need to? I know I tend to run off at the mouth sometimes lol, and leave nothing unknown.

2. He's been married and divorced twice, but he didn't mention either wife or any kids until asked specifically.

Well quite imply he may not have mentioned it first because he is now divorced and single and doesnt consider it neccessary? Or the experiences may have been bad and thats why he didnt bring them up for fear you'd ask him about them.

3. He says he doesn't have any specific fetishes or fantasies but just wants to fulfill my fantasies.

Some men are just happy to get what they can, LOL. I think everyone has some fantasy etc, but he may just not be willing or ready to share them right now?

I think I'm slightly worried because he always seems to say the "right" thing, and you know what they say about things that sound to good to be true. He's much older and more experienced than I am, and I think I'm worried that he might know all the right "lines." Are there red flags there or am I just being overly cautious?

The above could be red flags or could just be what I have explained them to be and nothing more. I tend to be too trusting and will take people at face value and assume they are being honest until I find out otherwise.

Okay, now, for the more general question: what are some common red flags that a sub might keep her eyes open to when trying to choose someone trustworthy?

Red flags for me with online people (and I meet a lot of people online) are things like;
Does he suddenly go offline with explanation - over and over again?
Is he caution to not allow you to see his face either in pics or via cam?
Does he refuse to give you his phone number so you can call him?
Is he too affectionate too soon?
Thats all I can come up with at the moment.
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

red flags, are unique to each encounter. 

if he is far away from you, why are either of you bothering with a LDR? 

Often online LDR's can become close real life relationships. I wouldnt discount someone I seem to click with based on their location. I'd hope that if we clicked enough we'd overcome the distance somehow.

Is he known by the locals in his community, have you spoken to others who know him, how long have you been speaking to him, can he supply the name of a list of people he has played with ... if he's a private player, do you know you will be safe? 

As a matter of note, online friends do not count. 

I have not been adverse to the occassional Intelius background check on someone, especially if/when I feel myself becoming attached.

Take things slowly, and breath!  Enjoy what's around you.  If it doesn't feel right, then walk away ...

And run if neccessary

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
Often online LDR's can become close real life relationships. I wouldnt discount someone I seem to click with based on their location. I'd hope that if we clicked enough we'd overcome the distance somehow.
 
I am merely putting ideas into a melting pot.  I am not averse to LDRs, but from my own experience, they are generally, time wasters ... We can invest a lot of energy and time, for no return.  Just my two cents worth!  However, I also have some lovely friends, who established their D/s relationships from online chat.  One particular couple who i hold in high esteem, have a relationship that is strong, and both are incredibly well suited. 
 
Sometimes online, and especially LDRs, move too soon, too quickly, and are void of reality.  When it comes to the crunch, there is often an excuse, and the hurt that emptiness that i have experienced, has been worse, than a real time encounter that had no future. 
 
The purpose of my post was ask questions that the lady who posted, could have thought about.  It by no means, is a definitive statement on LDRs in general.  Just one girl's experience, and i'm sure there are others, with similar experiences. 

I have not been adverse to the occassional Intelius background check on someone, especially if/when I feel myself becoming attached.
 
I would endorse this action, and have done so as well.  If you don't look after yourself, then who else will? 

And run if neccessary
And definitely, have your skates well oiled for a fast get away!  lol hence the safety network.  A good dominant would always ensure that the sub has a network in place before such a meeting, but a player, may very well not care for such safety procedures. 
 
Waves to SamKeithslave across the Tasman ditch, it's lovely to meet you. 
 





_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
Often online LDR's can become close real life relationships. I wouldnt discount someone I seem to click with based on their location. I'd hope that if we clicked enough we'd overcome the distance somehow.
 
I am merely putting ideas into a melting pot.  I am not averse to LDRs, but from my own experience, they are generally, time wasters ... <snipped>
The purpose of my post was ask questions that the lady who posted, could have thought about.  It by no means, is a definitive statement on LDRs in general.  Just one girl's experience, and i'm sure there are others, with similar experiences. 
 
Yes, sorry I did understand you were just putting forward your ideas etc. I was merely stating that from my personal POV I dont rule people out because of distance, though I agree somethings can not be overcome and at all times one needs to be wary that until your face to face you dont really know someone.


I have not been adverse to the occassional Intelius background check on someone, especially if/when I feel myself becoming attached.
 
I would endorse this action, and have done so as well.  If you don't look after yourself, then who else will? 
 
Yep and its remarkably cheap considering the peace of mind it gives you in return.


And run if neccessary
And definitely, have your skates well oiled for a fast get away!  lol hence the safety network.  A good dominant would always ensure that the sub has a network in place before such a meeting, but a player, may very well not care for such safety procedures. 
 
Waves to SamKeithslave across the Tasman ditch, it's lovely to meet you. 
 
Waving back  

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to mystiquenz)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Red flags Id look for.
A specific schedule for you to call, assuming he furnishes a phone number.
Calls going to voicemail and being returned shortly later on a regular basis
Making and breaking appointments to talk online or on the phone often
Forgetting to call you if he has said he would.
Main red flag: Wanting to meet for the first time in a private location.

Good luck in your venture 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ava82

The only half-red flag I see is that he doesn't have fantasies of his own.  That makes me think 1) he is a HNG just looking to get fucked; 2) his fantasies are really off the wall and he thinks they may frighten you, or 3) he's trying to present himself as a caring Dom (not entirely bad).

The way I avoid the whole "I just want to please you" thing is to ask a prospective partner what their fantasy of a perfect day with their sub would be.  Where would they go, what would they do.  Sexuality is extremely personal; everyone has fantasies or scenarios that get them going!

quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack

I think I'm slightly worried because he always seems to say the "right" thing, and you know what they say about things that sound to good to be true. He's much older and more experienced than I am, and I think I'm worried that he might know all the right "lines." Are there red flags there or am I just being overly cautious?