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Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:10:58 PM

gemy

Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Hi there. This has probably been posted many times, but i haven't seen it since i've started reading the boards, so i'm going to ask anyway :)

i've been talking to someOne that lives 600-700 miles away - and W/we agreed if W/e work out after meeting i will eventually move there ,,,,, now, i don't think i'm at the love stage or anything like that, but i do like Him Very much, and do wish to find out more about O/our compatibility. However, yesterday i told Him i wasn't coming to see Him and gave a big ole explanation why ~~ it sounded like a good reason to me, but ,,,, His response is that He noticed me trying to use various reasons for backing out, and He will honor my request to back out, but He's available if i want to talk to Him ,,,,,

hmmm, so, i didn't notice i was using excuses to get out of going (and perhaps making a commitment down the road) - but He did and, perhaps, He could be right???

i'm not quite sure of the question here, perhaps its "how did/do you get the balls to make a leap of faith" or "where in the hell is this backing out coming from" or "how does a girl get past the 'what ifs ' "

any ideas?

and yes this would be my first true consideration of submission in all respects to a Dominant - not just play or just sex, but all of it

thanks!!

Post #: 1

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:16:43 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

See signature. It's really as simple...and as complex...as that.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 2

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:19:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

While I agree with Fire...one must ask why you're making your first leap such a huge one?

If you want to have a relationship, have one. An independent financially stable adult should have no problem making a 600 mile trip for a weekend within 2 months of the decision to make the trip.

The bigger you make that jump, the higher the likelihood that you will form false expectations. That doesn't mean people shouldn't make big jumps...but you seem to be making it harder on yourself than it needs to be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 3

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:24:57 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

I know what the question is, because i do the same damn thing. :D God it is nice to know i'm not the only one.

Yep excuses of why we can't meet, and then once we met leads to reasons why we just wouldn't work out. I have a list going on in that matter. And when it really comes down to it, I did the same thing in Vanilla life.

I have come to a point of realizing though that i can't grow anymore in this life until I am more involved with a Dom. If you are really serious in wanting to do this, you won't commit your life to other things and find a way to meet each other. I had once wise Dom tell me that I'll know him by the fact that even when he is pushing me, i feel safe and trust him. Had another tell me that until i am willing to jump, even blinded, i will limit myself and the joy of this adventure.

Good luck sweety. :D

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 4

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:36:42 PM

KokoroGamae

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline

That is a sincere, succinct, accurate description of how I view D/s interaction.

Well put.

-Master K

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 5

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:38:30 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy

hmmm, so, i didn't notice i was using excuses to get out of going (and perhaps making a commitment down the road) - but He did and, perhaps, He could be right???

i'm not quite sure of the question here, perhaps its "how did/do you get the balls to make a leap of faith" or "where in the hell is this backing out coming from" or "how does a girl get past the 'what ifs ' "

any ideas?

I don't really think a 6 or 700 mile trip is a huge leap. You're not packing up all your belongings, it's just an F2F to see if you all click, right? That's not a committment because you might get there and you both go.. ewwww.. not for me or it could be whammo, it's totally right .. or something in between. The point is, you just don't know, so.. find out, yanno?

Would you rather regret the things you've done or regret the things you haven't done?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 6

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:48:19 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I wish I could get one particular young woman to read this thread!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 7

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 1:59:07 PM

gemy

Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

thank Y/you all very much ,,,, i haven't figured out why i'm making it such a big deal ~~ i can afford the trip within the next 6-8 weeks or so, and i believe i'm right there with CrazyC, that i will not grow any further until i am more involved with a Dominant ~~

i think i'm just afraid of the unknown ,,, will it work? what if it doesn't? OMG what if it does? lol ah hell ,,,, the worst that will happen is i come home after a few days knowing it was or wasn't right instead of wondering, eh?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 2:02:28 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

No, you won't grow with "a dominant" you will grow with "the dominant who is right for me."

Is this dominant right for you? I can't say. I can say you're making it harder on yourself than it needs to be and I'd hate for you to build up unrealistic expectations that you'll try to push yourself to fulfill only to find yourself frustrated and unfulfilled in the end (or worse).

But you're a big girl, this is a big girl choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 9

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 3:11:24 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

I agree with LA...not any Dom. :) But think you know what we mean. if you guys have been talking for sometime, it makes me think the only thing waiting is to see if there is that physical attraction.

I hopefully get to meet one this Thankgiving weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed that i don't push away too fast. I think another thing that keeps me this way is my loss of freedom to be single person.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 4:18:28 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I have always had committment issues to begin with. But after i force myself to stick through it i find it always works out for the best. At present the D/s relationship i am involved in will move to a collar in the spring. That for both of us is a huge committment more so than getting married. It is for life and not to be taken lightly. He asks me frequently do i see myself being able to do this or that. Many times the answer is i can't until i am there Sir. Our family committments have kept us from pushing too fast too quickly however as in all relationships people change and sometimes grow apart resulting in a different relationship that might not work for all. Today this relationship continues to grow. My trust, and i trust few in life, has grown much further than i could imagine. I am not into making hasty decisions and am wondering if you would do better taking small bites out of the growing relaitonship. By this instead of focusing on the move, or the long committing trip how about thinking of it as going to meet a friend. No strings attached if either of you do not enjoy the other then you back away. Don't fear living while you can it just might keep you from living life to its fullest. Take a deep breath, make sure you are safe and go forward. You don't want to miss out on the possibility of finding the One for you.

diamond

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 11

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/21/2006 5:17:59 PM

SamKeithsslave

Posts: 322
Joined: 11/7/2006
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gemy
hmmm, so, i didn't notice i was using excuses to get out of going (and perhaps making a commitment down the road) - but He did and, perhaps, He could be right???

i'm not quite sure of the question here, perhaps its "how did/do you get the balls to make a leap of faith" or "where in the hell is this backing out coming from" or "how does a girl get past the 'what ifs ' "

any ideas?

and yes this would be my first true consideration of submission in all respects to a Dominant - not just play or just sex, but all of it

thanks!!

Sounds a little to me as if you are going with your gut, nothing wrong with that, its usually the best way to go. Dom or not when I am meeting someone for the first time I usually like to meet in a mutual place that is half between the pair of us. That way we have both made the same "leap" and if he is willing, that usually shows me he isnt just playing. The "what ifs" I find will be there whether you do or dont, unfortunately.

_____________________________

Happiness does not find us, we must go out and find it for ourselves.

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 12

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/22/2006 4:49:08 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Have you ever had to cross a 4 or 6 lane busy highway? To cross is very scarey... but not so scarey to go to the median, stop, and then cross the rest of the way. It sounds to me that mentally you have leaped all the way to relocation rather than just the next step which is to meet in person and see if there is any chemistry. It's alot like eating the elephant, just one bite at a time.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to SamKeithsslave)

Post #: 13

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/22/2006 7:27:06 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

gemy what i it does not work then it does not work but waht if it does work ahhh that is the question. if it does not work you had a little trip, if it does you may have a lot more. If you do not go you may always wonder what would have happened if... It is a bit of a trek but if you think you have a connection you should see if it is there face to face if so you can take it from there. Good luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 14

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/22/2006 11:16:08 AM

MistressSophia

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

First the leap should be made by both ,He is not your Dom yet ,so it is not unfair to ask,
Next and formost , remember this is the internet. so saftey first. Ask as many questions as you feel you need to. next set up a safe call. and get all address info ,so that your safe call knows it. Next plan to meet at first in a public place. My advice is no drinking. A clear head is always smart.
Last but not least if the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up. and your gut is telling you something isn't right. go with that. He isn't going to be the last Dom to take an interest in you. Just my dimes worth

_____________________________

A whisper in the dark of the night, freezes the soul. and sets the heart on fire!

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 15

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/22/2006 11:36:16 AM

Masterdarkone26

Posts: 63
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline

I want to say from a Dom's point of view... We respect the subs limit on meeting.. but we also try to point out that the only way you should meet them is in a safe public place and have someone know when the meeting is and how to contact you or have you contact them at some point durining the meeting telling them the code word or phrase to let them know your ok and that all is fine..

The only way to know if you have anything with the Dom is to make the short 600 to 700 mile drive and have a nice little sit down meeting with them and just talk.

(in reply to MistressSophia)

Post #: 16

RE: Taking the plunge - 11/22/2006 1:33:51 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Maybe discussing things like *moving home* ..before you've even met is a sticking point.

If he was 20 mins away, maybe you'd have popped out for coffee before now etc........

Do you think it's the magnitude of that distance......and what it could entail, that is putting you off?......

agirl

(in reply to gemy)

Post #: 17

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