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RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 9:51:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
People are more than their appearance. People are more than their kink. If the only thing it takes for someone to be "compatible" with me is a look at my exterior shell and a few sexual hobbies in common, that person is looking for an empty relationship--and he's going to find it, over and over. If not with me, then with the girl who posts a decent picture and puts up the screen-name "Binding_Babe".

--M

i still think people are confusing "would get my attention" with "would inspire instant marriage proposal". Of course there's more to a relationship than a shared kink.

However, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that there are more than a few men- particularly submissives and serious (clinical) fetishists- who have had otherwise healthy relationships fall apart because they couldn't reconcile sexually. And i'm going to say that i'd bet money that more of those sexual problems were because the man had needs that the woman was unable or unwilling to meet, than vice-versa. As a result, i think submissive men are more likely to look favorably on a Dominant woman's screenname that identifies a particular kink, than vice-versa. If you spend enough time trying to meet people in vanilla situations, when every encounter with potential is overwhelmed by the spectre of "How the hell am i going to bring up the whole fetish thing", a woman who leads with fetish is a breath of fresh air.

...dave

(in reply to Morrigel)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 10:23:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
However, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that there are more than a few men- particularly submissives and serious (clinical) fetishists- who have had otherwise healthy relationships fall apart because they couldn't reconcile sexually.

I would dispute whether the relationship could be defined as "otherwise healthy" if one partner was completely disinterested in the other's sexuality. A relationship can be "stable" without being "healthy"--a lot of people have a natural aversion to change, especially change that will only affect one aspect of their lives positively, and all other aspects of their lives negatively.

That's why you see so many married men and women sneaking around trying to find some decent nookie on the side, so they can leave the rest of their lvies intact. The sexual aspect of their lives is miserably unsatisfying, so much so that they are willing to betray the love and trust of the relationship entirely with a plethora of lies and betrayals--but the rest of the relationship is not "healthy", it's just "stable". If it was "healthy", they wouldn't be out lying and cheating--they'd be negotiating some honest, non-hurtful way to have their needs met without deceiving and hurting the person they love--and who loves them back.

--M

(in reply to petdave)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 10:35:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

...That's why you see so many married men and women sneaking around trying to find some decent nookie on the side, so they can leave the rest of their lvies intact. The sexual aspect of their lives is miserably unsatisfying, so much so that they are willing to betray the love and trust of the relationship entirely with a plethora of lies and betrayals--but the rest of the relationship is not "healthy", it's just "stable". If it was "healthy", they wouldn't be out lying and cheating--they'd be negotiating some honest, non-hurtful way to have their needs met without deceiving and hurting the person they love--and who loves them back.
--M

Give this Lady the Golden Hammer Award for hitting the nail so squarely on its head.

(in reply to Morrigel)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 10:47:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
However, i'm going to go out on a limb and say that there are more than a few men- particularly submissives and serious (clinical) fetishists- who have had otherwise healthy relationships fall apart because they couldn't reconcile sexually.

I would dispute whether the relationship could be defined as "otherwise healthy" if one partner was completely disinterested in the other's sexuality. A relationship can be "stable" without being "healthy"--a lot of people have a natural aversion to change, especially change that will only affect one aspect of their lives positively, and all other aspects of their lives negatively.

Okeydokey. Replace "otherwise healthy relationships fall" with:

"relationships where everything BUT the sexual aspect (so often dismissed as a "shallow" need or point of compatibility) works- couples that are best friends, have compatible interests and temperments, may have children together, may get along well with each other's families, know and love each other's foibles and peccadillos- when all the little things that get the shiny treatment in the love stories are there- but the relationship still falls"

Betta?

...dave
(having a day which, if one were to be precise, could only be described as verbose)

(in reply to Morrigel)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 11:03:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
Betta?

Sure. I don't dispute that sex is important. Nor do I dispute that many people regard sexual needs as "shallow", in this society, when in fact they are deep and primal. But I disagree COMPLETELY that someone who won't even discuss or consider your sexual needs is "your best friend" nor that this person"knows and loves your foibles and peccadillos".

Again, a relationship can produce children, money and stability without being healthy. The vast majority of marriages that have existed throughout human history have been intended to produce children, money and stability, and no one in those societies ever knew or cared whether there was romantic love or sexual passion involved. In fact, it was often considered a bit of a joke how little the former things were compatible with the latter!

Regardless, if you are happy to have a relationship with a woman where sex is the one thing you are likely to have in common--more power to you. Personally, in my experience, sex without deeper compatibility is a pretty empty thing. I don't object to it at all--it can be fun--but a lot of people seem to think that sexual attraction or compatible kink is SUCH a huge issue that it'll make someone Mistress Right automatically.

And holy CRAP are they mistaken.

--M

(in reply to petdave)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 11:04:23 AM

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Personally the sexual type names put me off and I'll typically skip e-mail from "luvs2lick" and read e-mail from "Parsivalnow". I hope the nick may tell me something of the person's interests other than their sexual tastes.

It's really rare that anyone even asks wher my nick comes from let alone does the research to find out....so disappointing.

(in reply to petdave)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 12:04:39 PM

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i give up!

(in reply to MzTlaz)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 4:54:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

...

I've seen a few femdom nicks that sound like "job descriptions" but not as many. How would submissive men react to femdom nicks like "Fem2crushballs" or "Mistress4tinydicks" or "StrapOnGoddess" or "MylatexdickinURhole"...

Any other interesting nicks that could get special attention online?

Akasha

I've seen femdom nicknames very close to three of tho four in your post, and one exact match. It seems silly unless it happens to match the fetish that you're addicted to.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 6:19:54 PM

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Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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Well, if it's a fetish then it's perfect. If it's just a kink, I would think that it would get boring with just that.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 7:45:43 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel
That's why you see so many married men and women sneaking around trying to find some decent nookie on the side, so they can leave the rest of their lvies intact. The sexual aspect of their lives is miserably unsatisfying, so much so that they are willing to betray the love and trust of the relationship entirely with a plethora of lies and betrayals--but the rest of the relationship is not "healthy", it's just "stable". If it was "healthy", they wouldn't be out lying and cheating--they'd be negotiating some honest, non-hurtful way to have their needs met without deceiving and hurting the person they love--and who loves them back.

Sounds fine in theory. What happens when they're with a partner who isn't willing to negotiate; one who only sees things as "black or white", "win or lose" and isn't able to view things in a way where "win-win" situations can be created?

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Morrigel)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 7:59:38 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
submissive men are more likely to look favorably on a Dominant woman's screenname that identifies a particular kink, than vice-versa. If you spend enough time trying to meet people in vanilla situations, when every encounter with potential is overwhelmed by the spectre of "How the hell am i going to bring up the whole fetish thing", a woman who leads with fetish is a breath of fresh air.

On this one, I'd beg to differ. There's no doubt that if meeting a vanilla woman, the issue of how to tell her you have "kinks" is an issue that one must decide how to handle at some point in time, and in my experience simply being open and honest about who and what I am is more than sufficient.

But when it comes to a Dommes name, I prefer it to be one that I could be proud of and respect. There are a few women that I've been contacted by that I would have difficulty using their screen names to refer to them with on an on-going basis.

I was also quite astonished once to be contacted by a Domme whose screen name clearly indicated she was looking for something that was on my list of hard limits! Clearly, as many Dommes here so often complain, this woman had not bothered to even read all of my profile.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to petdave)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 8:58:53 PM

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
Sounds fine in theory. What happens when they're with a partner who isn't willing to negotiate; one who only sees things as "black or white", "win or lose" and isn't able to view things in a way where "win-win" situations can be created?

- pixel

Such people are the reason that divorce must always remain legal.

--M

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 9:05:01 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzKaren

Or my personal favorite: CockShocker

MzKaren,
Would that likely translate to become MzCockShocker? Having enjoyed a variety of CBT sensations, including play with remote controlled dog training units attached to CBT straps, I'll readily confess, that's a name for a Mistress that I'd definitely make an exception for which would without a doubt capture my attention!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MzKaren)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 9:08:33 PM

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
Sounds fine in theory. What happens when they're with a partner who isn't willing to negotiate; one who only sees things as "black or white", "win or lose" and isn't able to view things in a way where "win-win" situations can be created?

- pixel

Such people are the reason that divorce must always remain legal.

--M

Such has been my experience... It's too bad this is a skill that isn't taught in school!

- pixel

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 11/25/2006 9:10:26 PM >

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Morrigel)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 9:19:54 PM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I've always thought that I might do better with the hard core whores if I changed my nick to

CrazyWithPeanuts

any thoughts?

My thought would be with a name like that to avoid using the word "whore" in the Elephant feeding areas of public zoos and the manufacturing plants where they make Rheese's Peanut Butter Cups!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 10:32:57 PM

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"Mistress4tinydicks"....who is SHE??..lol....(wishes it was that easy)

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/25/2006 10:44:26 PM

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Joined: 9/23/2005
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nicks do at times come into play when I'm reading emails. If I have two crappy emails from two subs (one with a nick that isn't laden with sexual terms and one thats more causal or "vanilla") I will be most likely to keep the casual and toss the sexual one.

I like someone with taste.. a raunchy nick (depending on what it is) can make or break a first impression.

_____________________________

Always remember that great love and great achievements both involve great risk.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/26/2006 6:36:57 AM

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Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
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I'd say only avoid the obvious ones.

StalkerGrrrl
MurderBoi
MakeUrLifeLvngHll
Come2Grammy

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/26/2006 10:01:21 AM

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Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Most often, I just find them amusing, sometimes I find them vulgar, sometimes downright wretch-worthy!

E
(aka Castr8uwithshears)

So you're saying that Lorena Bobbit's dom name would be "Chopsurkokoff"??

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to LadyEllen)

RE: If femdoms chose nicks like male subs... - 11/26/2006 10:06:14 AM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave
i still think people are confusing "would get my attention" with "would inspire instant marriage proposal". Of course there's more to a relationship than a shared kink.

Awww poo, so what you're saying is that when we see the "name of our dreams", we're not supposed to send them a random email telling them that they're collared for life by us? Oops LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to petdave)

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