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Femdom bullies - 11/24/2006 2:16:19 PM

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Male subs, do you respond favorably to a femdom that comes on very strong in an online environment, or do you get put off and back away?

If you are contacted by a woman who says she has read your posts and/or profiles and finds you intriguing, and in a very clever and intelligent way begins to bully and boss you, half joking, half serious, do you respond coyly and engage her, or do you shut her down and put up walls until you trust her?

I am not talking about a woman emailing you and ordering you around and expecting you to obey; I'm talking about a woman that flirts in an aggressive way and seems to want to engage you playfully and get you to respond. In real life (when you can tell the gender is real, and are at less risk than online) sub men tend to respond favorably to this kind of attention (they LOVE the attention!) and flirt in kind, but online, subs are now much more reserved, suspicious or bitter.

Do subs give femdoms the benefit of the doubt less these days then -- say -- 5 years ago online?

Akasha

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RE: Femdom bullies - 11/24/2006 8:38:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am not talking about a woman emailing you and ordering you around and expecting you to obey;

That's actually what came to mind with the title of the post... the "I will crush you, pitiful worm!" kinda text one encounters mostly with Femdom porn and some pro sites. The clarification is appreciated.

quote:

I'm talking about a woman that flirts in an aggressive way and seems to want to engage you playfully and get you to respond. In real life (when you can tell the gender is real, and are at less risk than online) sub men tend to respond favorably to this kind of attention (they LOVE the attention!) and flirt in kind, but online, subs are now much more reserved, suspicious or bitter.

Do subs give femdoms the benefit of the doubt less these days then -- say -- 5 years ago online?

i really can't imagine a reason to react negatively to that kind of dialogue, unless it sounded a little too rehearsed. i would think that it would lead to interesting and engaging conversations. Now, if it quickly became very explicit, that might be a warning sign that this "Domme" was not what she claimed to be, since that seems to be a much more masculine tendency.

Oddly enough, although my observations are probably tainted some by the fact that i haven't been "on the hunt", i'm actually a little more willing to take people at face value on-line than i was five or ten years ago, just because the gender balance of the 'net seems to have evened out quite a bit as it's become more of a universal communication medium than a techie outpost.

...dave

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/25/2006 12:02:01 AM

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From: Stockton, California
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For me, online is online. I've never had any success with a woman who decides to be a bully with online interactions. However, I have had great success with women who have dominated the conversation from the beginning, making a decision to meet on so and so date, and then is a bully in person. But that's a rarity. Too many people are filtered out of the search process long before they ever meet. It's really too bad, but what can you do?

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RE: Femdom bullies - 11/25/2006 2:55:30 AM

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i wish i would one day ... ive never met a woman who was a bully . it would be something id love too have happen or i guess maybe i crave and that why it hasnt happneded so far ..

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/25/2006 12:21:03 PM

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Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I've had little experience of this happening, though there is one incident that does come to mind.

I'd first met the domme in question in a chatroom on another site. We seemed to hit it off as well as a chatroom allows, and she contacted me off-line through the site. It was just a short note, asking if I would care to chat further.

Her profile was interesting, though nothing over the top in terms of "I will own you!" sort of rhetoric, and I knew through other means that she was real, so I replied that I'd be happy to chat. It seemed very low key, and I don't have a problem with adding interesting people as friends, even if nothing else develops.

When she replied, it was with a list of orders, things iI had to buy (for myself, not her), and the like. After I'd digested all that, she got a polite, if brief, reply telling her I felt we were not quite looking for the same things.

Other than a very brief acknowledgement of that message, that's the last I heard from her.

If something like this happened again, I think I'd handle it the same way.

I do tend to be skeptical of anyone who comes on too strong, too fast. I don't think that has increased over the years, though I may listen to that little warning voice more closely.

Tasha

< Message edited by tasha_tart -- 11/25/2006 12:24:12 PM >

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RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 8:27:17 AM

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Some women who call themselves dominant online seem to be abuse victims who never quite grew up and are looking for revenge. This can even go to the point of responding angrily to an inquiry about a comment they make in a forum like this. But then there are others who can act more like they probably would in a face-to-face interaction.

(in reply to tasha_tart)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 9:05:00 AM

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From: Illinois
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Actually, I think I'm just the opposite. I tend to be more acceptable to this type of "testing the limits" play online rather then in real life. You stated that the reason why it is better in real life is do to knowing the gender is real. I don't really question when chatting with someone online if this person is really who they say they are, I assume that what people say to me is true unless I have reasons to believe otherwise. To me doing it online is safer in that there is a physical barrier already in place by using the information super highway. If a total stranger came up to me and started to flirt like this, I would have to go off the body signs. There has to be some trust involved in D/s relationships and that comes with time.

(in reply to talltxsub)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 9:13:02 AM

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I do not shy away from a dom who comes on strong, as long as she is real and can do waht she says, here I go like a little sissy to her

(in reply to pinkkeith)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 1:06:11 PM

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I suppose it's a fine line. I definitely respond favorably to dominant traits...self-confidence, bluntness, a sense of entitlement...whether on-line or off-line. However, role play and cyber-submission doesn't interest me in the least, and is in fact a turn-off. Literate communication that can communicate "confident and sassy," or even "overbearing and bossy" will definitely get my attention in a very positive way, so for me it's more about how she says it, than about what she says. But making immediate and unrealistic demands from the beginning--the kind one wouldn't make in person--screams "fake" and will likely result in a polite "it was nice to meet you, but no thanks."

To me, "bullying" implies humiliation, physical and mental domination, establishing/reinforcing pecking order, etc. I think all these things can have their place and be used to positive effect in the context of a D/s relationship, but I'm not going to respond favorably to them from someone I've never met!

(in reply to semasssub)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 1:19:26 PM

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But bullying goes beyond mere dominance. While some may enjoy it (in the same way some enjoy blackmail), it is different than simply being overwhelmed by a strong woman.

(in reply to CompelMe)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 2:37:08 PM

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To me, a soft spoken women who can dominate without being a bully seems most intriguing. Anyone can yell, scream, threaten, and be physical.

To make a man drop to his knees and kiss your feet with just a simple somewhat benign look is real power.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom bullies - 11/30/2006 2:47:24 PM

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From: South Central CO
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I think I agree with sarbonn, tasha and divine. In the same way I don't 'do well' with Dominants who come on too strong, when Topping, I tend to make gentle statements and requests; not demands. Of course, I had one boy go ballastic for "not taking control", though he did everything I asked of him.

Sometimes I think people get caught up in the fantasy of all this, rather than understanding that, for some of us, it's day-to-day-life. It would get old to be chained to the basement floor 24/7, huh?

Beverly

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 3:37:03 AM

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one of the things that first gave me respect for my Mistress is that she never tried to "dom" me when we were getting to know one another. we were two people coming to each other as equals. there was no power exchange. we spoke of ourselves, our desires, experiences, hopes, dreams, love of art, travelling, movies, books, etc. She never tried to take power, but rather waited for me to offer it. Then of course, she was happy to take it.

I think any dominant who expects one to submit, obey, act submissive towards, simply because they call themselves a Dom or Domme, is, well, missing the point of consensual power exchange.

what i looked for (and still do in terms of meeting anyone knew for any reason) is courtesy and then, hopefully respect. I got that from Mistress and a world more.

M's m.

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 3:49:25 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

do you respond favorably to a femdom that comes on very strong in an online environment

I would think that the personalized mindset of mental sparring would be more appealing and entertaining rather than the cookie cutter approach many of both sides of the hierarchy seem to fall into.

Ross

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 3:51:16 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee It would get old to be chained to the basement floor 24/7, huh?

Actually the overhead would not be so bad as long as there was a drain in the floor after hosing down and plenty of dog food and fresh water available. ;)

Ross

Bon D' Age' : BDSM
http://tinyurl.com/ygblqt
Designermite :
http://tinyurl.com/ueov5
Soul of Motorcycle Art
http://tinyurl.com/ybg73a

(in reply to Bearlee)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 7:05:38 AM

Posts: 2311
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From: South Central CO
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LOL Yer bad, Sir!

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 7:17:38 AM

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Joined: 9/24/2005
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It's difficult to say. Each initial contact is unique. i don't have any big, compelling fetishes that just HAVE to met. If She's seeking similar goals for a relationship and the logistics (e.g. distance, etc) are right, i'll respond affirmatively. Her evincing at least a modicum of enthusiasm helps as well.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

RE: Femdom bullies - 12/2/2006 8:55:39 AM

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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Male subs, do you respond favorably to a femdom that comes on very strong in an online environment, or do you get put off and back away?

If you are contacted by a woman who says she has read your posts and/or profiles and finds you intriguing, and in a very clever and intelligent way begins to bully and boss you, half joking, half serious, do you respond coyly and engage her, or do you shut her down and put up walls until you trust her?

Essentially all that have contacted me have initially done so in an intelligent, friendly and personal manner. It eventually has evolved into a lot of flirting and innuendos, but nothing that I'd call bullying. There has been some half joking, half serious comments here and there on both sides of the virtual connection that were very tempting but never acted up for one reason or another of late (very close though in one particular case, just bad timing more than anything).

The one time I did have a Domme try to "bully" me into submitting to her on-line was a number of months ago and not from this site. She was also inexperienced and thought that was the way she could go about establishing her dominance. She was very frustrated when I didn't immediately respond to her requests/demands. It had nothing to do with being bitter or suspicious, only that it was premature for me and the request was of a nature that seemed too impersonal to me such that it would have made me feel objectified, which is what I told her at the time. I knew that she was female and genuine, so that was not an issue. I also knew that she had other issues and wasn't certain I wanted to be involved with her to begin with despite knowing I felt a lot of attraction to her.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to AAkasha)

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