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fighting depression - 2/12/2005 11:16:03 PM

webgirl

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Joined: 12/1/2004
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I have stuggled with depression for most of my life and until about a month ago was doing really well for quite some time, but my timing sucks and shortly after i met my dom my depression kicked back in...
i told my dom and he has been very understanding and patient with me giving me all the space i need because i want to be a good sub for him and didn't feel like i could do that while i was depressed. i think that i am starting to feel better and i long to see him again and submit to him. i know that only i can know when i am ready but was wondering if there was anyone else out there who has struggled with some sort of mental illness in this lifestyle? Please keep in mind that this lifestyle is who i am and that i could never be happy in a vanilla relationship... submitting makes me happy. Like someone once said in one of these forums "i am stuck here with you nuts." sorry i can't remember who.

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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 12:52:21 AM

suberic

Posts: 175
Joined: 1/9/2005
From: Nashville TN
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Well, I suffer from chronic depression, but not because or in spite of the lifestyle.

Depression is. I notice that it cycles along the lines of the moon phase, just like a lady's monthly cycle, so I'm guessing there is a connection there. Keep track of that and see if it's the same for you.

Mostly I am just neutral, but when I hit a downward trend, I notice it and get even more gloom ridden. Then I spend about a day or two in that down "everything sucks and I'm a terrible person and no one can love me" phase, during which my Lady is very understanding and supportive. I claw my way out of it through sheer willpower (can't afford the doctor to get meds) and that's it.

Sometimes there is a scene during that time, VERY rarely, but it's good and it allows me to expunge things. But most often it's just getting back to center ground and going on.

Depression is due to the chemicals in our brains and the way we are wired, not due to the scene or lifestyle.

If it helps you to get whipped/beaten during the down cycle, due to the endorphins, then I say go for it, but I would advise the caution of not growing to depend on it. I know a slave with chronic depression herself and she is on meds to take care of the problem.

Get on medication and stay on. No one should have to live life looking through the lens of cynicism and depression. I am and have to, but I do have a lot going for me, but if you don't have to then DO NOT.

My thoughts, take them for what they are worth.

(in reply to webgirl)

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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 2:41:51 AM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I also suffer from depression. I have chronic pain which depletes serotonin, one of the chemicals in the brain related to mood. Depression can be managed with therapy and medication. There is no reason to let it affect your life to the point of damaging your relationship with your new Dom. I'd be a bit suspicious of the timing of this onset of depression. It is not usual for it to flare up at the beginning of a new relationship. Look deep into yourself and see if you're afraid of this relationship. Does he seem too good? Do you worry that you're not good enough? Is there something there that is a triger for the depression. We often subconsciously use things like this to keep someone at a distance. Also, you say you're new to BDSM. Did this depression show up after a play time? That is called Sub Drop, and is a real problem for some people. In any case, treat the depression. I promise you, it can be controlled. It is a long journey and can seem like it is hopeless. That is the depression talking. It took them a year to find the right combo of medications for me. I still have my down days, but my sub didn't realize I was depressed till I told him. I consider that a major victory over the depression!

Remember, depression is not weakness of character. It is not a failure. It is not punishment for something you did, nor is it something you deserve. It is a glitch in your brain chemistry. If your car had a maladjustment in it, you'd take it in to be fixed. Treat yourself at least as well as you'd treat your car.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 9:10:48 AM

DesertRat

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Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
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I suffered with depression for most of my adolescent and adult life. Finally got fed up and decided to deal with it. I went in for therapy and learned to use the 'coping tools' that most people use to deal with life. Meds are definitely not for everyone and can make things worse in some cases.

Anyway...for me, the trick was to truly want to get better, and to willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. I still get bummed out, sometimes for days at a time, but that is normal and human. No more debilitating darkness. I never thought I could be free of it, but it has been good for 9 years now.

Bob

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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 10:01:21 AM

webgirl

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i am on meds and was doing so well for a while there that my Dr decided to lower my dose of one of them and we both think that that is what triggered the depression, not the start of a new relationship. He has put it back up now so hopefully that will help. It will just take some time.
Thank you for the responses

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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 10:13:56 AM

Shayna

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I've been through a bunch of different diagnosis during my adult life, depending on what is the "new" thing in mental health. For me, good nutrition, exercise and meditation has made a HUGE difference in my life.

I think it's difficult at times to seperate out what is biochemical and what is environment. I agree with Beach about taking a look at the timing of an episode; and sometimes it's helpful to sort that out with a professionl or close friend. But know that you are not alone :)

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RE: fighting depression - 2/13/2005 11:25:41 PM

BeachMystress

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Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: webgirl

i am on meds and was doing so well for a while there that my Dr decided to lower my dose of one of them and we both think that that is what triggered the depression, not the start of a new relationship. He has put it back up now so hopefully that will help. It will just take some time.
Thank you for the responses

I hate the whole adjustment period when they try to change something. While I'm happy as a clam to play around with my pain medications, no one touches the depression meds. We found something that works. Any time the Dr says something to the effect of their being this great new pill out I should try or lets try a different dose, I just give her the evil eye. I am stable. I still have down days like any normal person, but they are few and far between. Good luck in getting your dosage resettled.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: fighting depression - 2/14/2005 9:47:49 AM

perverseangelic

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From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
I hate the whole adjustment period when they try to change something. While I'm happy as a clam to play around with my pain medications, no one touches the depression meds. We found something that works. Any time the Dr says something to the effect of their being this great new pill out I should try or lets try a different dose, I just give her the evil eye. I am stable. I still have down days like any normal person, but they are few and far between. Good luck in getting your dosage resettled.

Amen!!!!!!

I have -finally- and after YEARS of suffering from depression, figured out a cocktail that works for me. I have been off and on pills since I was 15, but it's only now that I'm able to stand up for myself and tell the doctor the either it isn't working, or it's fine and I don't want it changed, that I have been able to -finally- balance myself.

Do -not- let your Dr. push you into changing something that is -working-. Even if you think you don't "need' the pills you're taking, don't underestimate the effect a change can have on the way all the drugs work together.

Best, best wishes to you, OP

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~in the begining it is always dark~

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