Master and a BF? (Full Version)

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sirssatin -> Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:03:17 AM)

I don't know how to ask this.  I have a Master and a boyfriend but they are not the same person.  My b/f is kinky but not really into the whole alternate lifestyle thing.  He knows I am but doesn't want me to tell him anything.   He knows I have a male friend (his words) who I call Master.  We have alot in common, have been through alot together and spend most holidays together.  My Master is exactly that. A 25 year lifestyler who I serve in whatever capacity He desires.  I cannot be away from him too long until I start feeling cut adrift and panicky.
Is this type of arrangement very common? 



mnottertail -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:05:26 AM)

Nope, never heard of it before, you are the only one.



sirssatin -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:11:46 AM)

Nope, never heard of it before, you are the only one.
[/quote]

Never quite understood why some people feel its necessary to be a smart ass.



mnottertail -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:14:14 AM)

Never understood why someone would make a totally selfserving post on the boards under the guise of learning something and not know that you don't have to use all that extra quote stuff.

Ron



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:17:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirssatin

I don't know how to ask this.  I have a Master and a boyfriend but they are not the same person.  My b/f is kinky but not really into the whole alternate lifestyle thing.  He knows I am but doesn't want me to tell him anything.   He knows I have a male friend (his words) who I call Master.  We have alot in common, have been through alot together and spend most holidays together.  My Master is exactly that. A 25 year lifestyler who I serve in whatever capacity He desires.  I cannot be away from him too long until I start feeling cut adrift and panicky.
Is this type of arrangement very common? 



While the others are fighting and being silly (it IS funny)...I'll be the boring one and say: for every relationships dynamic you can think of, there is an example that exists. I am Master to my girl. she also has a husband, a sexual top and a Dominant in her life. As long as everyone has an agreement and everyone is happy, you can have whatever you wish.

Master Fire



texancutie -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:17:36 AM)

I actually know of a number of people that have a similar arrangement.  There are some people active in the Houston community that are married and both Dominant and each has their own submissive.  I say if they are able to make it work.  More power to them.  Every BDSM couple is very different and there is really no one true way so to speak.  What works for one, does not necessarily work for another.  [;)]



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:21:45 AM)

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:22:17 AM)

The only real issue is your feeling angsty and panicky- you need to learn to resolve that.  Your master shouldn't be an addiction (a theme I seem to be stuck in today).

Otherwise, it seems to be working quite well for everyone.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:49:03 AM)

There are people who's bf* or gf* won't or can't be the others master mistress or dominant. I had a  bf who wouldn't take care of any of my bdsm needs, and agree'd to let me take on a dominant. It wasn't any kind of " on the side" thing either, the dominant would of become a part of mine and my mates relationship, we would of been a triad of sorts. At the time I met him, my now x, I figured ok well he's shy and he's not into kink but he's curious I can probably show him, didn't work out that way infact eventually he wished I would out grow my interest in kink expesially ageplay kink and my need for a maternal daddy dom figure. as long as things were going well in the relationship and he allowed me other people to fufill my needs, I saw no reason to end the relationship simpley because he wouldn't dom me.

I did eventually end it however because he eventually refused to take care of any of my needs, including visiting, we were 20 mins apart and it always came down to Id on't know we'll see or maybe in a few weeks when visting came up, plus he allowed his mom to seriously fuck with our relationship, so in the end it was not much of a decsion left.
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 9:58:48 AM)

I guess I just don't see the point in having 2 different people take care of my needs when I could find one man to fulfill both roles.



Daddysgirljenna -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 10:03:21 AM)

defiant, not everyone is lucky enough to find all of that in one person or doesn't want to because they enjoy poly relationships and sharing their love with more than one person. 



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 10:26:20 AM)

I don't want to share my love with others, but it wasn't worth ending a then good relationship over wanting a dominant.



Aine -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 10:26:41 AM)

I'd have to agree with jenna.

I'm not a poly person.  Don't know if I ever could be.  But I understand and respect people who are.  Just because it's not my thing, doesn't mean it's wrong.  If I had gotten involved with someone who was poly, I don't know if I could do it.  Perhaps I'd give it an honest shot, and see how it went.

As long as everyone involved is open and understanding and -always- communicating about their feelings about the relationships...then what is the problem?  If something needs to be resolved, then all involved need to know about it and work on it and if part of the relationship fall apart, that's life.

It's very true, some aren't so lucky to find someone who can be both Dom/Master and boyfriend.  Some might choose to go the way of having open relationships, which might even lead into finding someone who -can- be both.  Why sit around waiting for something that might never come along and deny yourself a Dom AND and bf?

I for one, am one of the lucky ones.  I've got a switch boyfriend who is my best friend, boyfriend, lover, sub and dominant.  And I feel utterly blessed that I have found him.  The one I was with previous to this, I thought could be a fantastic Dominant.  But I couldn't push him to be something that he himself didn't want to be.  Or didn't realize that he was.  Perhaps someday he will figure it out on his own, perhaps it's just his personality that makes me see his natural dominance and exertion of control in his life and in those around him.  Perhaps that is as far as it goes.  I thought that if I tried to make things work with him, maybe I could try to get that part of me to fit into that life I had with him.  But things didn't work out.  And it had nothing to do with my interest in BDSM.

Did I search for someone else to fill that role?  No.  I didn't even know what poly was when I was still with him.  He and I broke up, I went on with my life.  And I stumbled across the freshest breath of air I possibly could have, in my mind.  I introduced rather early on my interest in BDSM and things worked out wonderfully.  It was kinda random and rather risky on my part, and luck just happened to be with me.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 11:14:00 AM)

Agreed Aine. As long as everyone is consentual about the whole thing. Often times though, this is not the case and someone ends up getting hurt. That's why I'm searching for both in the same man........one man who can meet all my needs.  



SamKeithsslave -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 12:52:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

What I don't understand is why this is so common. Why does bdsm have to be just a play partner on the side? If I had a boyfriend he would be my master.........no on the side anything.


I was asking myself the same thing. If she is so happy with her master and feels "cut adrift and panicky" when apart from him, then why not make the move to be his more permanent? I'm guessing there are factors not known that must be preventing this??



SamKeithsslave -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 12:57:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Agreed Aine. As long as everyone is consentual about the whole thing. Often times though, this is not the case and someone ends up getting hurt. That's why I'm searching for both in the same man........one man who can meet all my needs.  


I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work [;)]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 1:15:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work

Well I guess that's the good part about authority based relationships- you can either be their slave and focus on making their lives easier, or you can own them and train them how to make your life easier.



zbabe888 -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 1:15:48 PM)

It certainly would be the best thing in the WORLD if one person could fill of my needs!  I always planned that's the way it would go but sadly hasn't worked out that way.  The best I can figure for myself there is a detachment neccessary from "reality" that allows me to slip into my submissive role.  It is easier  for me to accept guidance, direction and give control over to one that I do not have an equal footing with in regular life.  Not easy to handle the emotion ramifications though and honesty is certainly the best policy.



SamKeithsslave -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 2:25:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave
I'm with you on this one, my life is too full already to have more than one man in it, LOL, and they are generally so much work

Well I guess that's the good part about authority based relationships- you can either be their slave and focus on making their lives easier, or you can own them and train them how to make your life easier.


I'll have to settle on being a slave, cos I cant see myself being a Domme and owning anyone [:)]



damia -> RE: Master and a BF? (11/27/2006 6:04:27 PM)

i have a friend who has a husband and a Mistress/Mommy, and she certainly isn't the only i know like this. As  long as everyone is  'in the loop' and comfortable with the situation, no worries :)

damia the Kat



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