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going home - 2/14/2005 8:48:08 AM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:34:59 PM >
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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 9:05:50 AM   
MizSuz


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Aside from the obvious, you're going to miss someone you care about, (and without knowing any more than you have provided) it sounds to me like you're experiencing bottom drop. It's a biochemical thing that happens when you've increased your baseline of endorphins for any length of time and then remove the stimulus that caused the rise in endorphins. Think of it as endorphin withdrawal.

There's good news, but it will require you step up and take control of yourself. Much of the things that trigger endorphin production and regulation in the body can be triggered to occur by thought processes alone. I bet you feel better as the time gets closer to see your dom. Essentially your thoughts are stimulating the endorphin production before any physical activity takes place.

If you are finding that you have a repeating pattern of this drop beginning prior to the end of your visit then I would suggest restructuring your thinking to thoughts that produce the endorphins you enjoy. Only you can say what those triggering thoughts might be, but obviously thinking about leaving your dom is not one of them. Can you find a way to think "This has been a WONDEFUL visit! I've learned so much and we've built on it so much that it will take me a week just to integrate what I've experienced. That means when I return in a week I'll be a better submissive, which can only mean better things to come!" instead of "My life is empty if I can't have what I want when I want it"? Those may not be triggers for you, but I hope it conveys my meaning.

If you don't like the way you feel, change the way you think - you're body will come along when it's had time to adjust.

Remember, pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional. What option do you prefer?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 9:11:19 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I'm not feeling well this morning so I'm not going to add my two cents. Here are links about sub drop. (I agree with Suz)

http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/jerseyaftercare.htm
http://www.domsview.com/issue20/feature20a.htm
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/aftercare.htm

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 9:37:16 AM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:35:12 PM >

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 9:44:32 AM   
MizSuz


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quote:

think postive things.




As the thought, so goes the deed.

Good luck to you with it. I wish you success in finding the things that keep your head where you want it to be.





_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 10:23:05 AM   
Darthbetta


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline 		ASk for something of his that you can take with you, so he will always be there with you.

A shirt, jacket, a collar, wrist watch, whatever.

Also a mini cassette recorder with some pre recorded messages are nice.

These things work for us :)

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 10:32:00 AM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		RiotGirl,

i go through this, too... on a bit of a smaller scale. when i leave my Master to "go home," it is hard to do. while i don't always cry, i definitely want to.

i know it is because i love Him, and after 6 years of on and off, we are finally both "on" at the same time. He has said that now that He has me, He is not going to let me go...

yet, He has to let me go to go home.

for what it is worth, i hold on to the fact that He may miss me being there as much as i do. i have often commented that He does not HAVE to be the Hard-ass and send me on my way. this knowing that if it were ever to be up to me, i plan to say "ok! i'll stay a bit longer!" each time the issue comes up. He does not fall for this, and yes, He is always the one that has to send me on my way. somehow, the little dance i do to keep my bottom from being swatted right before i get in my car gives us something to laugh about as i go off.

i look forward to the day when i will not have to leave to "go home." if this is not something you can plan for with your Master, you could find something else to hang on to.

and yes, it is a deflating thing, sub-drop... and goodness, there is nothing wrong with crying. just be sure not to get dehydrated.

good luck to you, and it is wonderful that you can be who you are with Him, silly or not.

< Message edited by sanita -- 2/14/2005 10:33:18 AM >

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 10:35:11 AM   
littlebuttercup


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I'm not feeling well this morning so I'm not going to add my two cents. Here are links about sub drop. (I agree with Suz)



feel better soon. :)

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 10:55:42 AM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:35:23 PM >

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 11:14:54 AM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:35:39 PM >

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 11:58:20 AM   
knkywch


Posts: 53
Joined: 7/23/2004
From: Cal-iFORN-eye-yay
Status: offline 		Yeah, you are not alone Kelly. I've experienced similar emotional difficulty in separating from my top/dominant after an extended time together. Over the years, I've found that those intense times of excitement and joy, closeness and physical intimacy come with a price -- the common name is "drop". You can offset that price by following the advice Suz provided in her response.

Just judging the crying behavior as silly is... well, silly. <g> It's like trying to feed an emotional child a line of logic to get the child to stop expressing their emotions. Just knowing something doesn't necessarily change it. To change behavior, you change behavior. In the suggestions Suz provided, she gave you things to actually SAY. Practicing new behavior will change your thoughts and emotional response. But you MUST practice the new behavior... even if you don't believe it will work or (and perhaps especially) if it feels awkward and inauthentic. After a while of practicing the new behaviors -- refocusing on looking forward to and saying the positively spun words -- your thought pattern and emotions around separating will change. I am guessing you will cry less and feel less bereft and upset -- perhaps feeling more joyful, more grateful, more excited about next time, more purposeful and motivated about taking care of yourself between the end of the last time together and the beginning of the next time together and so forth.

And drop the judgment that your current behavior is silly. It isn't. It's normal and natural to cry. Just notice when the tears threaten or appear. Breathe deeply and let it be okay for you to cry. Let your tears be an acceptable part of the process -- a cleansing of your eyes and an honoring of the time you spent. Let the tears also reflect your gratitude that you are in a relationship where you WANT to spend more time together. Let them be a blessing and then practice your new behaviors moving from clinging to what you just experienced into embracing excitement around what is to come...

Bright blessings,
kw

_____________________________

I don't think I'm gay. I don't think I'm straight. I think I'm just slutty. Where's MY parade? -Margaret Cho-

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 12:09:18 PM   
liltxsubby


Posts: 328
Joined: 11/18/2004
From: TX
Status: offline 		Yeah, the same thing happens to me. He knows it, too and kisses and hugs and holds me and tell me all sorts of little things until i'm smiling again. Our circumstances are a bit different though, he leaves for work and i head back to bed and them leave later in the morning. Being alone in his house actually make me want to get out pretty soon after i've woken back up. But we message and talk on the phone almost every day so i try to think forward to that. It also helps me to do little things for him, kind of little reminders for him, and i like doing them. Now, thanks to Valentines Day i have a couple bears to snuggle up to when i feel really lonely.



_____________________________

I'm Japan and Godzilla has taken over.

Laugh with them, or let them laugh at you.

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 1:13:14 PM   
MizSuz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Perfer not to suffer,. which is why i asked here. To find some way to combat it. To "fix" it. As well i come here to distract my mind. Distraction seems to be VERY helpful.



I had another thought.

Rather than seeing suffering as something you need to 'fix' why not make part of restructuring your thinking to include value in the TOTAL experience? I mean, I also said "pain is inevitable" and that means that it's part of life and often part of relationships you care deeply about. The goal isn't to avoid the unpleasant, it's to find a way to treasure, rather than agonize over, all the experiences along the way.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 2:19:37 PM   
sanita


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

thanks for the response. Good to know i'm not the only one.
[snip]
i'm sure it love and sundrop in it as well. Just strange as i've never experienced it with another human being before. Drat everything for having to go home!

thanks, it was great reading your post.




ohhhhhhh, i posted, because this thread caught me... you were brave to post it, and as we have seen, it is not as uncommon as you or i may have thought. and it is certainly not silly.

it is weird, we can be the most rational, stable, reasonable people, but there are times we just want to latch on and not let go...

but the others posting are right... there are so many positives about being in this relationship. it will help to focus on them, and to allow yourself to be sad, but also to allow the joy of simply thinking about your Master help dispel the sadness.

*little grin* i am going to have to try the burrowing thing... hmmmmmm.

"sanita"

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 2:50:14 PM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:35:57 PM >

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 5:09:46 PM   
ShiftedJewel


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Status: offline 		RiotGirl,

I cried like a baby after the very first weekend I spent with the man who is now my husband. He dropped me off at work and I cried off and on the rest of the day... We talked the next day and I quit my job and moved in the next..... I know, super fast, I've heard it before... But that was 2 1/2 years ago and I have no regrets at all. I didn't cry due to "subdrop" (I'm a Domme), I cried because he touched my heart in a way no one had ever touched it before, I knew I had met the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with and I didn't want spend one day away from him.

Jewel

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 5:22:47 PM   
RiotGirl


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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 10:34:43 PM >

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RE: going home - 2/14/2005 7:30:29 PM   
BeachMystress


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Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebuttercup

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I'm not feeling well this morning so I'm not going to add my two cents. Here are links about sub drop. (I agree with Suz)



feel better soon. :)
Thanks :-) Feeling a bit better this eve :-)


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to littlebuttercup)
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