peekaboopet
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline
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I understand we all have our stories, some love to share here, some find sharing personal stories tedious. I think if it helps anyone else feeling the way I did, that would be my reason for posting it here.
Please understand, I do not consider writing to be a talent of mine.( so be gentle)
I began as a submissive, feeling that I identified with that role and thought that it felt most natural.
Over time and through more experience and education, reading everything I could get my hands on, asking lots of questions, both online and in real life. Playing with different ideas. Trying to understand myself. I realized that I could and did enjoy the role of the Top.
The problem at that time was, I felt an overwhelming burden to continue my submissiveness despite what I was learning of myself.
This lead to feelings of not being true to myself, feelings that I was in fact deceiving the Dominant I was involved with. Basically a bunch of mixed up mess.
As time went on, the feelings did not dissipate but in fact intensified.
Felt like there were two of me LOL ( umm that’s a whole other thread)
Ultimately it was a factor in that relationship not succeeding. He was a person who really only wanted to be involved with a " true sub" and didn't switch. I wasn't certain that was who I was. We tried communication, but the fact stood. I had changed over time to a point that was not going to work in the dynamic we set forth in the relationship.
Next came " outing" that I really wanted to explore and enjoy being a Top to friends both online and r/t who had only ever known me to be a sub.
It caused a lot of confusion. Surprisingly, or at least I found it so, I ran into a fair amount of resistance, and disbelief. Resistance in my opinion being the need of others to discredit my desire to learn, or treat it like a whim... It made me question if what I sought was something I felt or just wanted to " toy" with.
Either way, I felt it was self discovery and important to me.
I communicated my desire and expressed my confidence to the point where most accepted the choice I had made.
Now at this point, I have come across those that feel a switch is just someone who hasn't figured it all out yet. Those that feel their are no true switch people.
Going on the defensive and standing up for all the switches of the world is just not me. I laugh it off, and hope that people who consider themselves one role only find happiness, hoping that they too never have the desire to explore a part of who they are and run into resistance.
Being very new to switching, I still find it difficult for myself to consider switching roles with one partner.
Its all about growth, and what will make you both fulfilled.
I just hope that there are others who see this and realize they are not alone. Sometimes there is a great effort required to break through what others grow comfortable with you being.
Most of all be true to yourself, keep open communication, and educate yourself in any way you can.
_____________________________
Damn the Iguana's.... never trust one, the shifty eyed bastards
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Making the switch - 
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