Finding a play mate ???

Finding a play mate ??? (Full Version)

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yummylittleKAT -> Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 5:58:59 AM)
OK here goes my Master has asked me to place an add to find another bi female to play with us and the thing is we have not even met but we have talked on the phone and online many time's sometime 3 or 4 times a day can anyone tell me why they do this ? this is not the only one that i have meet that has asked me to do this for him ..I think i already know the answer but i just want to hear from a MASTER to see if i'm right or not ?? ?? Thank you waiting to hear back from anyone one this ...

submom2 -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 6:09:17 AM)
quote: ..I think i already know the answer but i just want to hear from a MASTER to see if i'm right or not ?? ?? I'm not a Master, but I've run upon this a time or two myself. Of course, in my own opinion, it sends me red flags. It also makes me wonder why they can't find someone themselves, and are they using their submissives just to find ladies for them. I'm interested in what's said in this one though.[:)]

sub4hire -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 7:53:00 AM)
quote: I'm not a Master, but I've run upon this a time or two myself. Of course, in my own opinion, it sends me red flags. It also makes me wonder why they can't find someone themselves, and are they using their submissives just to find ladies for them. When I was looking I never ran into it. Although I knew what I wanted as well. Would not settle for anything less. So, someone who clearly was sending signs they did not want me for myself in the beginning was quickly discarded with the days rubbish. Sounds as though cheating on his wife with just one does not satisfy him. He needs many. Beyond that I've no clue.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 9:29:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yummylittleKAT this is not the only one that i have meet that has asked me to do this for him ..I think i already know the answer but i just want to hear from a MASTER to see if i'm right or not ?? ?? Well, let's see...there could be a few possible answers: 1) He has the typical male fantasy of being with two women at once and wants you to help him set it up. 2) He feels love is just too great to share with just one woman, and... oh who am I kidding... The answer is number 1. Taggard

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 9:35:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yummylittleKAT OK here goes my Master has asked me to place an add to find another bi female to play with us and the thing is we have not even met but we have talked on the phone and online many time's sometime 3 or 4 times a day Now that the wise-ass answer is out of the way, I will give you a real reply. In your many online or phone conversations, did you talk about polyamory? Do you know if you are to be one of many, or if you are to be his only one? Did you discuss your feelings with him? In this lifestyle, competent dominant men are in short supply and can have multiple partners, if they desire. Submissive women will simply have to face that fact, or keep looking for quality dominant men who are wired for monogamy (like Lawrence). The funny thing is, I never hear the sub men complaining about dominant women who want more than one sub...maybe that's cause I don't pay much attention to sub men. Taggard

Goodmix -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 10:45:29 AM)
it concerns me that you haven't met him yet ~ but are looking for someone else to play with. How do you discribe Him to her? (playing devils advicate here, how do you know everthing he is saying to you is even the truth?) It would be easier if you guys were in a r/t relationship to meet someone. without sounding redundant...join a local group. within the group i belong, there are several serious options for U/us. and that have offered, more than once...

Darthbetta -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 12:02:44 PM)
Chances are he wants YOU to pick the other one so that you are comfortable with "her" and are not simply being thrown in with someone else whoom he has chosen that you possibly will hate. I also am thinking that perhaps he is setting this all up so he can have both of you at the same point of the meeting so as to not play "favorites". It is interesting tactic on his behalf....... BOOKMARKED

MidnightWriter -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/17/2005 11:23:02 PM)
Sure - he's got one online wench, how better to get value from his investment with you than to have you supply him with another playmate? It'd beat the hell out of him doing the work himself, wouldn't it? <shrug> I've had multiple subs - they knew about each other, but I did the chasing/claiming my own damn self. It didn't work out in the long run (other issues intruded), but it was sweet while it lasted. I can't imagine myself asking someone else to pick/claim a submissive for me, though. Did you sign up for a poly relationship? Was this possibility part of your original negotiation? This is something you should consider when you decide how to react to this. There could be good, domly reasons for him to charge you with this mission. I wouldn't ask this of anyone, but there are good things that other people do that I don't - it's more a matter of style than of honor or morality. For myself, though, I'd tend to err on the side of scepticism when I weighed this against the rest of his behavior.

Voltare -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/18/2005 12:15:07 PM)
He wanted you to do WHAT? Ok, that's my gut reaction. Like Taggard said, obviously he wants to enjoy the typical two women fantasy. What seems to be ignored here, is that you haven't even met him yet! Is he expecting you to show up at the airport with a chain of a dozen women, the whole group of you ready to obey his every command? It sounds like he's lost in the world of cybersex fantasies, and hasn't really given much thought to what the real world expectations are going to be. I would tell him that once you two have met, and you're sure you both want a real time relationship, and have established a healthy normal relationship, then you two can discuss looking for another woman. What he's asking is similar to meeting a man at a dance club a few times, and then him asking you to find another girl for him to dance with, without ever having seen his house or seeing him outside of the club. It sounds sexy, and fun, but don't expect this to last long term. Stephan

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/18/2005 1:35:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty In this lifestyle, competent dominant men are in short supply and can have multiple partners, if they desire. Submissive women will simply have to face that fact, or keep looking for quality dominant men who are wired for monogamy (like Lawrence). The funny thing is, I never hear the sub men complaining about dominant women who want more than one sub...maybe that's cause I don't pay much attention to sub men. Taggard Hey Taggard, I liked your wiseass reply better because it rings completely true... I feel that women are no more hardwired to be monogamous than men, but most people make a choice to be monogamous; than there are the greedy ones, who simply because the odds are good, will go for "hey, I think I can have more than one with these odds", not saying that's your case, but I do believe it's the case for most who want it. With all due respect, I don't like this reply of yours simply because it sounds a little alarmist... a lot like the study that suggested it's easier for a woman in her 30s to get hit by a terrorrist than get married (like marriage is such a prize for women anyway, lol). Of course it's hard to find a good partner, and it is rare to make a good connection, but to sugeest to women "suck it up, and become open to bi/poly is kinda self serving advice from a man, and does a terrible disservive to monogamous serious ladies. As for boys not complaining when the lady wants multiples, I've only encountered it (again I admit in my limited experience) when the primary boy has a huge desire to play with other boys, but is afraid to seek it out, he has some dysfunction and knows the lady may need more than he can provide or He REALLY likes to watch... To be fair, there has been a couple of convos with men who are capable and not against cuckolding if it is what pleases the Domme, but that is so far very rare in my experience. M

Jayxkes -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/19/2005 12:47:30 AM)
Having been involved in poly relationships and having spoken at length to sevral people of both genders, I can tell you that there are a host of reasons why a dom might want to go this way. When everyone concerned is happy with the deal, it works very, very well. The whole becoming much greater than the sum of the parts! However I tend to agree with others who have raised the issue of your dom wanting to set up with another sub BEFORE he has met you. Now of course, there could be a very good reason for going this route. However going on the information presented, I find it a little odd and feel it just does not sit square. BTW, If you want to discuss some of the reasons for a dom having more than one sub, PM me.

MadameDahlia -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/19/2005 12:56:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty quote: ORIGINAL: yummylittleKAT this is not the only one that i have meet that has asked me to do this for him ..I think i already know the answer but i just want to hear from a MASTER to see if i'm right or not ?? ?? Well, let's see...there could be a few possible answers: 1) He has the typical male fantasy of being with two women at once and wants you to help him set it up. 2) He feels love is just too great to share with just one woman, and... oh who am I kidding... The answer is number 1. Taggard You're wonderfully entertaining... more so with each passing post. Thank you for the quick witted replies. They're all sorts of fun - provided I'm not unfortunate enough to be drinking something at the same time I'm reading. As for the stuff below about poly vs. monogamy I'm going to agree wholeheartedly with BlkTallFullfig about women and monogamy. I identify as bisexual (though some may read greedy)... right off the bat I'd enjoy having two submissives - one with a wang and one without. On top of that if I can provide for and care for more submissives I'd like to continue adding until I get to such a point where adding on another would be spreading myself too thin. Mmm mmm harems...

DrDomDC -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/21/2005 8:07:12 PM)
To add my two cents in here, what would concern me here is how much you participate in the process vs him. Most of the comments listed above are quite correct, so my caution to a submissive would be worrying about "being traded up". Your writing to a submissive or your advertising for a partner helps to validate his worth as a Dom. As was alluded to earlier, many people on the site use BDSM as a way of "fooling around" and if you are not securely "in the loop" of these conversations, validation can be used to entice a submissive he could not get on his own; just look at the large number of female submissives looking for 'sister slaves' compared to the small number of couples on the system! So, for a submissive, you should be concerned that you are being supplemented, not replaced. Also, ask some of the longer term submsissives on the site for advice posting similar requests as yours. And speak to them on the phone, to make sure they are genuine.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 6:17:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yummylittleKAT OK here goes my Master has asked me to place an add to find another bi female to play with us and the thing is we have not even met but we have talked on the phone and online many time's sometime 3 or 4 times a day can anyone tell me why they do this ? this is not the only one that i have meet that has asked me to do this for him ..I think i already know the answer but i just want to hear from a MASTER to see if i'm right or not ?? ?? Thank you waiting to hear back from anyone one this ... This assumes that one master will somehow know what another masters motives are better than anyone else...trust me, they are as different as any random person. That being said...I loved TDW's wiseass response :) Why have you talked so much but not yet met offline? IMO competent adults should have no problems setting up a meeting within a month of realizing they want to get to know eachother better. Specially when people are new, they think bdsm is the way to "get what they've always wanted but never thought they could have" in terms of all their porn dreams come true. Porn is on TV for a reason- realities are messy and hard and complicated and most doms have no clue how to handle what they say they want. Personally, I don't see anything WRONG with being told to find hot chicks for him to play with, or for you all to play with, it's just usually for less than mature competent motivations with often disastrous consequences. However, why haven't you asked HIM what his reasons are?

aliljaded1 -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 10:02:02 AM)
we were together for 2 yrs. before we decided on it. i think its important to know what youre getting into . imho, using a pro was the best option. we went to a place in Manhatten , picked from 5 women and chose the one that made me feel the most comfortable. it was a great 2 hours and she came equipt w/ a dungeon and lots of toys.

MsSilvie -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 11:09:56 AM)
At least insist upon your right to wear a big pimp hat while you are out trying to sell your current Master to the masses. Seriously, why is he not looking for himself? He hopes that having a female sub who does thisfor him will give him credibility that he doesn't have on his own, perhaps?

Gideon147 -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 4:14:05 PM)
lol...I like this one. Granted in My adult life I've managed to suppress that particular male desire. In My relationships what I do and the methods I use are merely a means to an end. There are different tools to handle different problem situations. Sometimes a spanking, others the crop, numerous themes and scenes to pursue. But always in the back of My mind there's a specific reason that is fascilitated. A lesson to be taught. An experience to...well, experience. There may be a moment in a relationship where a couple has reached a "Monogamous Horizon" where the Ttwo, to grow in the direction that would best suit Tthem, become Tthree. If the "Monogamous Horizon" exists, I'm thinking it would occur sometime "after" the Ttwo have met. Just a guess... Gideon

DasHunter -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 6:24:11 PM)
It's often a matter of a master hoping for instantaneous approval of his interest in another party by slyly asking for you to do it. If you are willing, he never has to ask if this is entirely ok or if you approve. He can make it part of the submission process, or at least take some of the dirty work away from himself.

Quivver -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 9:16:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DasHunter It's often a matter of a master hoping for instantaneous approval of his interest in another party by slyly asking for you to do it. If you are willing, he never has to ask if this is entirely ok or if you approve. He can make it part of the submission process, or at least take some of the dirty work away from himself. honesty! OMG I love it.... and yes Scarlett, that is manulipulation!

songbird26 -> RE: Finding a play mate ??? (2/22/2005 9:26:43 PM)
I'm not a master, but once I pictured the pimp hat I just could not resist... quote: ORIGINAL: MsSilvie At least insist upon your right to wear a big pimp hat while you are out trying to sell your current Master to the masses. DIES LAUGHING Oh my good good god. The mental image I just got. Thank you for that, MsSilvie! Anyway, my $.02 is that this guy sounds pretty shady, based on the tiny bit you've told us here. But if you're asking us this question instead of asking him, there might be deeper communications issues you should look at before taking the relationship any further. If you're going to be taking the next step and going realtime--and considering multiple partners, no less!--communication is not just important, it's essential. Coming to an online message board isn't a substitute for feeling comfortable enough to ask questions and get clear answers from your partner. Despite the fact that our advice here at Collarme is, of course, faaahbulous in every conceivable way. grin

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