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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 6:50:31 AM

Morrigel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Is there a condition called "submissive's do me disease"?

Yep. And a whole thread on it. See "Submissive Frenzy".

--M

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 6:59:59 AM

VeryMercurial

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Is there a condition called "submissive's do me disease"?

Yep. And a whole thread on it. See "Submissive Frenzy".

--M

Thank you Morrigel, I looked at the topic. That is not what I am talking about, I am talking about Submissive Do Me's,
that want you to do them. As in, do this and do that. Not a frenzy at all, it is a real disease, and it is not pretty.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 12/9/2006 7:00:35 AM >

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 7:19:25 AM

Morrigel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial
Thank you Morrigel, I looked at the topic. That is not what I am talking about, I am talking about Submissive Do Me's,
that want you to do them. As in, do this and do that. Not a frenzy at all, it is a real disease, and it is not pretty.

I think what you're referring to is the difference between a "submissive" and a "bottom". Being a "bottom" who is not submissive is not a disease, it's just a bit more rare than being a bottom who is ALSO submissive.

I've found over time that a lot of dominants also have masochistic tendencies or a desire to be on the receiving end of sensation play. It doesn't make them sub, but they do have quite a challenge in finding someone who will respect their orientation and still provide them with the sensations or role-playing scenario they're looking for.

Another problem for another thread, I'm sure.

The only way it relates to this one is that I think bottoming occasionally may be one of several ways to help stave off "Top's Disease"--it probably helps you empathize with your bottoms/submissives if you spend a little time seeing how the other half lives.

--M

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 7:32:28 AM

Padriag

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So in essence Archer, you're politely saying they are no longer relevant to the current needs.

And I'll very bluntly concurr, I don't find much of the material to be found there in step with the needs, questions, and issues of the present. I wonder why it is they don't correct that. As an essayist, there is nothing worse anyone could say about my writing than to say, "You used to be relevant." That's something I strive to avoid (not always successfully, but I do try), that they apparently do not says something in and of itself (what that is is an interesting question all its own).

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 7:33:49 AM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Is there a condition called "submissive's do me disease"?

Yup, and an old term for it. "Do-me Queens"

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 7:35:34 AM

LeatherBentOne

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I think that some tend to see online websites as simplistic because they deal with concepts rather than individual relationships; therefore, I read them as such and try to relate what is said, when applicable and in agreement with, to my individual circumstances.

As far as Top's Disease is concerned, I'm convinced it exists and in some situations, it flourishes. I think one needs to always use caution when dealing with any excessive mindset, but one must first acknowledge that such a mindset even exists. I would imagine that symptoms vary from one Dominant to another as does tolerance by submissives who are in this situation. That's why it is so important for both to share their views and/or opinions in a respectful manner, without blame,by stating facts, feelings and observations without being accusative.

Some may say, "well and good but . . . how can this have any effect on a Dominant who has become head-strong, arrogant, closed-minded and isn't in a place to acknowledge what's really going on?"

I would strongly suggest weekly meetings, agenda intact. This way both can give feedback on the relationship in regards to what's going right and what's not working so well and what changes need to be made by whom, rather than waiting for all Hell to break loose, then trying to put out the fire.

Also, if the groundwork for communication starts with the foundation, one is more open to communicate and problem-solve in these types of situations. If a Dominant doesn't suggest regular "temperature-taking" sessions, I see nothing wrong with a submissive requesting and perhaps politely insisting on them from the very beginning of negotiations. Too often, I see many scramble to communicate only when something goes wrong because there is no framework established to constantly keep the lines of communications open . . . An ounce of proactivity can prevent a chain reaction.

LBO

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 8:53:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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There's a difference between bottoms and do-me bottoms.

Bottoms you can have a great session with and get a lot out of in a mutually enjoyable scene together as they bottom to your authority within the scene.

With a do-me bottom, you're just a capsule for the living out of their fantasies, often attemping to passive aggressively manipulate the scene from start to finish.

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 8:59:38 AM

Morrigel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's a difference between bottoms and do-me bottoms.

Generally, the difference is experience. All sorts of submissives and masochists start out as manipulators, trying to "force" or "orchestrate" their interactions with a top or dominant (or make a vanilla partner INTO a top or dominant) to get their needs met.

Eventually they usually find someone who is more compatible with them or learn to communicate better with everyone--usually a combination of the two. Either way, the behavior will go on for as long as it "works", and stop as soon as it stops working. Experienced tops/dominants usually have abundant strategies for maintaining control.

--M

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 1:50:06 PM

MaryT

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Interesting article. In another group, there is discussion of whether the phenomenon is really narcissistic personality disorder. The theory floating is that people with NPD seek BDSM because it caters to their egos, not because they have an interest in power play/exchange. I think there may be some validity to the theory.

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 3:59:26 PM

Chatt22nooga

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Books are fine,But the real take is to be able to enter the currant world and learn from the things you do...Most of us just do trial and error...search and exploration is 75 % of the experience..Disease is a word to describe something to bring fear...Most tops are society bottoms...and for the most part a little un-done in the thinking process,actions are their tools of iggornance and compassion are lost for most,In other words they are alone with much to do about nothing...Take a slave to the limit and play the edge,and DON'T loose them through over Dieased thinking...A good top has learned from the bottom,as It's all a process of evolution,nothing more...Ps Take a class at one of the professional studios and and get out and put it out their...forget the books and play safe and cautious.....CHATT22NOOGA

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/9/2006 4:21:37 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

Interesting article. In another group, there is discussion of whether the phenomenon is really narcissistic personality disorder. The theory floating is that people with NPD seek BDSM because it caters to their egos, not because they have an interest in power play/exchange. I think there may be some validity to the theory.

NPD? No Personality Disorder? :)

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RE: Top's Disease - 12/10/2006 8:37:13 AM

Chatt22nooga

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As I truly believe and as a practioner of 20 years I would say ...forget meetings...waist of time...Books are ok if they are rendered in good form...visual stimuli works good for most subs, But as I see it "we are all looking for something" yellow book.com....Pick a slave or sub and listen to them and take them to where you both need to go...simple as that all this crap you are all writting about is just a forum of wammabees....
CHATT22NOOGA (.)(.) UP

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