RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat.

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RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 12/9/2006 10:55:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Feel free. I quote LA all the time. Even in the manual. LOL

Master Fire

I just hope you caveat it with the fact that the words come from a bi slut poly switch and thus cannot be trusted. ;)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 21

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 12/10/2006 1:02:25 AM

shatteringlilium

Posts: 35
Joined: 10/19/2005
From: BFE, Washington
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Feel free. I quote LA all the time. Even in the manual. LOL

Master Fire

I just hope you caveat it with the fact that the words come from a bi slut poly switch and thus cannot be trusted. ;)

>D What a title.. "bi slut poly switch".

Gods, I swear I'm becoming 3/4 of that (the poly part is iffy at this point).

As for the OP -

Darling, you've heard it so many ways already, and I'm just going to sort of repeat what everyone else has said and what I am learning here.

I feel the same way you do. I'm the same type of person - I am my OWN person, I AM worth something, etc. I'm not a full-fledged feminist; I think everyone is equal and deserves equal respect and don't look at either sex as being worse or better.

I'm a "bedroom submissive" too - I'm at my best when being used as a sex toy O.o Oi. That hurts to say >D

Do what MasterFireMaam suggested - write down all the things you definitely will not buckle on, then write down the things you are not sure about, and then write down everything you know you can be submissive about.

If anyone expects you to be a doormat when you are not willing to be one, they are not a match for you.

You may even be best in a vanilla relationship with BDSM play in the bedroom. You can have kinky sex and then have a standard vanilla relationship in normal life. There are so many different ways to life this life of ours, it's amazing.

In short, no. Submissive does not equal doormat. Only if you want it to.

That's the awesome part about being a sub - the Dominant can't have what you don't want to give them. In truth, submissive women (and men) have a surprising amount of power in the relationship. The Dom only has what power the sub gives them.

If you don't want to give something to the Dom, they have no right - in my humblest of opinions - to take it.

This applies to males and females alike!

...

Yeah.

And stuff.

_____________________________

I am standing in the shadow
of my ever-waking mind
And I feel this darkness, hallow
close around me over time
Embraced within my solitude,
alone with my designs
Left on my own to meditate
the shadows of my mind.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 22

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 12/10/2006 1:07:40 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FiestyFi

Am I destined to be a submissive in every aspect of a relationship by being the doormat?

By your definition, I am a doormat. Suggest that to my Master and he would laugh his socks off.

I am a strong, successful woman. I have a managerial role in the workplace and earn a very good salary. I have views and opinions just like everyone else. In my relationship, however, I am totally submissive to my Master. That does not make me a doormat nor would he want, or ever treat me as one. He understands that I have views and ideas on things and he will always listen to what I have to say but at the end of the day it is his decision that counts.

Master runs his own business and I am an accountant. I look after the financial side of his business for him in my spare time. He understands that I know more about this side of things than he does so he is happy to listen to my advice and take my views on board, but at the end of the day He makes the choice and that is the important thing.

As for the cooking, cleaning and laundry, yes I do those things. Not because I am a doormat but because I want to look after him and make sure he is happy. When I was on my own I hated all those things but now I am with him they I are things I do without thinking because they are things that please him.

Being submissive is certainly not being a doormat.

(in reply to FiestyFi)

Post #: 23

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 1:24:16 PM

trampledslave1

Posts: 35
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline

i'm a real doormat, full weight,heels, face standing,ect

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 24

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 2:07:51 PM

Woodenhand

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Honolulu
Status: offline

There is nothing more beautiful than a submissive who is intellligent, vibrant, and has a sense of self-worth, why would anyone want a doormat. I'm a spoiler and a lover... but I don't want a doormat

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 25

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 2:17:15 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

its only a terminology of play....as so many terminologies, in this life it will evolve as you do.

today you might hate it...then you'll grow to understand differntly it and it will be sexy as hell...then you'll live it...and maybe it wont be so sexy any more....but you will understand it and with that understanding you will be able to draw what ever line you want for yourself by harnessing in your own way the innate power that folks give that word.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Woodenhand)

Post #: 26

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:17:02 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Feminist means having the right to choose control over your own life. And that includes having the right to choose to give him the control.

Submissive means that in an interpersonal relationship you prefer someone else to take charge. You can indeed be a sexual submissive with zero interest in household service. Or you can have an interest in doing household chores if you choose. What matters here is that you know what you are and are not looking for and find someone compatible.

A doormat is usually used to refer to submissive women with no healthy boundaries who are unable to protect themselves. If you happen to know this about yourself then look for someone who will not abuse this. That way it isn't a problem.

But calling someone else, who does get the warm fuzzies from cleaning up her dom's home a doormat is rude. In this arena, as in everywhere else in life, know thyself is good advice.

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 27

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:23:44 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I have always been partial to the use of chalk

/nods

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to FiestyFi)

Post #: 28

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:25:12 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Nah, chalk rubs off. Permanent marker...that's the stuff.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 29

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:26:29 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Spoken like a true sub. Now from a dominants pov I would say permanent marker.

Ron

See how its a big differing viewpoint out there?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 30

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:26:45 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Nah, chalk rubs off. Permanent marker...that's the stuff.

Yes, but if you use permanant marker, that means you can not be flexible

with chalk you can move the line when no one is watching

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 31

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:28:37 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

masterbate with sandpaper, thats what the boys do.

Ron(ne)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:30:06 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

masterbate with sandpaper, thats what the boys do.

Ron(ne)

OHHH shit LMFAO

dayumit Ron...LOL, next time warn me please....I just spit coffee through my nose

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 33

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:31:11 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Irish...I do so love the way you think!

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 34

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:32:28 PM

Badkitty0810

Posts: 223
Joined: 2/18/2006
From: NH
Status: offline

William Shakespeare said it best, "to thine own self be true". There is no "one true way" to be a submissive. Everyone defines it differently. Your definition is more close to my own, but that doesn't make us any more or less of a submissive than anyone else. It just makes us different. As LTRsubNW said, "fuck'em!"

(in reply to FiestyFi)

Post #: 35

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:33:52 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Irish...I do so love the way you think!

Let's face it...we have to improvise on the fly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 36

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 3:37:04 PM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I submit to him, because I feel that is what I am supposed to do. We make decisions together, I have kept all of who I am, yet I take care for him as I should.

Everyday I do what I have to, to make sure he is happy and comfortable..and that is how I show my submission to him.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to FiestyFi)

Post #: 37

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 4:29:07 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear FiestyFi, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Drawing the line between submissive's submission and being a doormat in my mind's eyes are these observations:

Submission as a submissive is doing so because you want to and need to from the heart, spirit, emotions and passion.

Doormat submission in a 'general' sense, is submitting because you assume that what you do is what is normal submission--something you 'have to do' as to 'go through the motions.' Taking whatever treatment regardless of how you really feel about it.

But, I also wish to add -- Doormats do provide many lessons in submission and surrender.

A Doormat are at your feet or below them.
A Doormat often silently welcomes you home or your guests into your home.
A Doormat often identifies 'who you are.'
A Doormat quietly cleans your shoes/boots and never complains.
A Doormat prevents others from tracking dirt into your home.
A Doormat gives you secure footing.
A Doormat can be serious, funny, has pictures, words or nothing at all.
A Doormat comes in so many different sizes,shapes and colors--not much different than humanity itself.
A Doormat takes a lot of abuse, the toss against trees to knock out the dust and dirt, the washing machine and dryer, a hang on a line and swatted a lot.
A Doormat when worn out and unwanted, is welcome sight to an animal who needs warmth or layer from the cold ground or hot concrete.
A Doormat can be the one who gets your car off an ice patch, giving you needed traction.
A Doormat serves many purposes,in many ways without complaint, without drama, without words and expects nothing in return. Yet-- it is a fact that doormats do serve all of us and serve us faithfully and well.

Just some thoughts,

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to FiestyFi)

Post #: 38

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 5:05:58 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

Speaking from the male submissive perspective, I find it impossible to be a doormat. I will get in trouble for it, but there are times where my opinion needs to be heard.

In my normal life, I'm pretty much as far from a doormat as you can get. I try to be the man that men are supposed to be, the John Wayne type of days gone by. I try to be as strong, supportive and protective as possible. I put my problems on the back burner to deal with other's. I want people to know that I'm there for them no matter what and that everything is going to be all right.

Im the youngest of my siblings, and I'm basically the patriarch of my family.

On the flip side, I'm obviously submissive, which has caused a great deal of consternation in my life.

Sometimes the line between submissive and doormat is very clear, sometimes not so much. Sometimes that line is too far one way or the other. It's something I need to manage better and get a handle on.

Historically I've found it very hard to completely let go and be vulnerable, both as a man and a sub.

It's stuff like this that I struggle with, but also face head on, In the end, I honestly believe the person in my mind's eye, the masculine submissive who is strong in all the right places and able to be vulnerable and open in their relationships, is the type of person I want to be.

I think there are many ways where my exploring the extent of my submission and the feelings that lie within will make me a better man, whereas if I were a doormat and didn't have that struggle, I wouldn't really figure anything out.

So, in conclusion, i have no fucking clue.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 39

RE: How do u draw the line between submissive and doormat. - 4/3/2007 5:08:58 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

/hands slaveblutarsky the chalk and winks

I promise not to tell anyone

/nods earnestly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Post #: 40

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