RE: Non-obedient BDSM

RE: Non-obedient BDSM (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Devilslilsister -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:07:36 PM)
quote: "this is what I want you to say if things get out of control and you need me to stop" creates a more secure enviroment now that has me bothered. Things should not be getting out of control. If things get out of control in a scene and i need to tell my Dom to stop - then i might want to find a new Dom. I think i would be absolutetly more petrified if things got out of my Dom's control. Holy COW, if he isnt in control - who the hell is? What an absolutetly horrid idea of having to "maintain" control of a situation while one is tied up and ect. I've been with my Dom for 2 years - never used a safe word and i am still fully functioning. Still have all my limbs and what not. The one time i was in UTTER distress - i was UNABLE to speak. I was suspended and ropes were were cutting into my mid section - chest and i was having cramps ripping through my body. Enough where screaming was an easy option and instead i took the option to find a place in my head to bear down while they ripped through - and breathe when they subsided. I dont think i actually gave any indication to my distress. If he had "waited" to here me say HEY now (insert safeword) he'd of never heard it. Nor would i have had any clue TO safeword cos - it was the first time i've ever been suspended and i had not clue if it was "normal" or not. He noted my distress purely because he knows me well enough to understand my breathing patterns. I tend to hold my breathe when i'm in any sort of distress - be it emotional or physical. i would take a Dom that knows what is going on with a submissive purely by the way she reacts any day over a safeword. That to me is more valuable then any safe word or spoken verbal communication on the planet. edited cos my grammer and stuff is terrible tonight

KnightofMists -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:08:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Well if they can't speak because of headspace how they supposed to tell people when something is wrong, safeword or not? That is a not a good arguement when it comes to safewords because if you can't talk you can't interupt the scene verbally no matter how you want to do it. In that case you must rely on your dominant to know what he is doing and to see it. During primal play that does not always happen. That is the risk you take during primal play. Edited for wrong word use. Sorry. LMAO.... ok now you are just being silly. You clearly don't understand that some individuals will go non-verbal and even unable to signal a think in their play. This has nothing to do with intensity or hard play or some other stupid label. It just something that happens for some people in play. Secondly, alot of these people have found out the hard way that they can find themselves in this particular situation. Which makes safe words nul and void. The fact is.. that some people CAN"T tell their TOP that something is wrong etc. Which is why depending safewords alone is reckless if not stupid in my opinion. But, some never get to a none verbal state... and safewords are rather good for them. However, preaching the Mantra that "Safewords" keep you safe... well frankly ... that is reckless and very misleading to people that are trying to learn. Understand the risks... the probability of them happening is another thing all together.

KnightofMists -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:10:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin I tend to agree with your observations. I believe also that it is not just the quantity of experience that contributes but also the quality and variety. A person who has been in a 20 year D/s or M/s relationship in the privacy of their own home, being influenced only by the thoughts and experiences of their partner will have a significantly narrower view than someone who spent 20 years in a lifestyle community, with or without the same partner, where they have been associated with and witness to many different styles and personalities. The other thing that I believe greatly influences many folks....and I know this will not be a popular observation....is that many people here learn much of what this lifestyle is supposed to be about by rote. Rote was a wonderful way to learn the rules of phonics as a child....but it is a deficient way to learn about a lifestyle where an understanding of the inner complexities is of greater importance. Unfortunately though, when coming into this lifestyle and asking questions, they are often answered by standard, pat answers and well rehearsed mantras. I learned the rule "i before e, except after c and when sounding like "a" as in neighbor and weigh" by rote. It would take more than a bulldozer and a pry bar to get that out of my head. I think that for many, the basic concepts here have been learned and cemented into their brains in very much the same way and it would take an act of Congress and the word of a higher power to get them to be able to let go of it. oh yes... Quality of experience... completely agree. OK what the hell is Rote lol

alandraofMists -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:13:21 PM)
quote: when a submissive is wearing a gag is not what was meant by the statement become non- verbal some times during play a person can get to a head space were they may be thinking that are talking and they are not... they may loose all ablitiy to think clearly and remember.... or get into a catharitic state where they just are not able to speak. just some examples of why safewords or signals do not always bring safety to play. the top must also take responsibility to know when to stop the play. Knight's alandra quote: Well if they can't speak because of headspace how they supposed to tell people when something is wrong, safeword or not? That is a not a good arguement when it comes to safewords because if you can't talk you can't interupt the scene verbally no matter how you want to do it. In that case you must rely on your dominant to know what he is doing and to see it. During primal play that does not always happen. That is the risk you take during primal play. Edited for wrong word use. Sorry. As i said in the first post i did... the top must also take responsibility to know when to stop the play. the point i am getting across is having a safe word or not does not make one safer.... there must be a combination of things to make play as safe as play can be. Wither that includes or not a safeword does not change the fact that safewords in and of themselves do not make play safe. Knight's alandra edited to fix quoting

mnottertail -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:13:44 PM)
repeat, repeat, repeat in pedantic fashion.............think learning the times tables. LOL, Horace Mann

AquaticSub -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:14:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists LMAO.... ok now you are just being silly. You clearly don't understand that some individuals will go non-verbal and even unable to signal a think in their play. This has nothing to do with intensity or hard play or some other stupid label. It just something that happens for some people in play. Secondly, alot of these people have found out the hard way that they can find themselves in this particular situation. Which makes safe words nul and void. The fact is.. that some people CAN"T tell their TOP that something is wrong etc. Which is why depending safewords alone is reckless if not stupid in my opinion. But, some never get to a none verbal state... and safewords are rather good for them. However, preaching the Mantra that "Safewords" keep you safe... well frankly ... that is reckless and very misleading to people that are trying to learn. Understand the risks... the probability of them happening is another thing all together. You haven't been reading my posts. I haven't said that safewords will keep you safe. I have said that a person who won't use safewords is someone a beginner should probably avoid. That's my opinion. Don't care if you like it or not. I go non-verbal actually. But guess what drumroll if you can't talk you can't say "OW FUCK THAT HURTS" or "MAYDAY" so.... it's as far "safewords vs. none", being non-verbal is not a good arguement because if you can't talk - you can't do either one! Let me state that again... safewords don't make you safe. Safewords help you stay safe. Safewords are good. Safewords are not little superheros that are going to come up and save the day!

KnightofMists -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:16:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail repeat, repeat, repeat in pedantic fashion.............think learning the times tables. LOL, Horace Mann OOOOHHH like having SEX... DO it again and again and again and again.... and sooner or later one gets it right? maybe... well I hope not... cause I wanna do it again

Lady Alaria -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:17:13 PM)
If the Dom/me is always in absolute control, then the play is not primal. Playing at disobedience is not the same. You like the safety of knowing that your Dom is god and will never ever let anything hurt you. I like the safety of knowing that when my Dom/me messes up, I have a clear and unequivocable way of letting them know it. I like forced/resistance and primal play. I love being the Domme in these and -not- being in a pure and calm and in control headspace. I love being the sub and knowing my Dom is letting go a bit. When NO ONE is really in control, the ante is seriously upped.

AquaticSub -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:17:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alandraofMists the point i am getting across is having a safe word or not does not make one safer.... there must be a combination of things to make play as safe as play can be. Wither that includes or not a safeword does not change the fact that safewords in and of themselves do not make play safe. Knight's alandra edited to fix quoting And I never said that. I said that a player who refuses to use safewords is probably somone a begining sub should avoid. Safewords don't make play safe. Medical scissors don't make mummification safe. But they make it safer.

mistoferin -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:21:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists OK what the hell is Rote lol LOL....rote : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rote_learning

mnottertail -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:24:21 PM)
More like safewords as a mantra.................or SSC and/or RACK. LOL

darksdesire -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:25:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver quote: ORIGINAL: LuciusAestus Allow me to explain. I don't really like the obedience part of a BDSM situation. I find it stupid with submissives saying "Yes Master/Mistress" all the time. I don't see the thrill in something being done by the command of another if the one commanding has no direct influence over the one being commanded. I find pure obedience only practiced because of the desire for it to be silly (but that is just my opinion, so please don't take offence from it). I'm sorry for the followers of D/s but I have to say it, I find it idiotic and juvenile and I really can't take it serious. My first entry into the realms of BDSM was purely intuitive with a woman I had a very passionate affair with. My next involement was with a woman who was full of intellectual theories about D/s. One of her sayings was 'consent in power exchange relationships is an amazing concept.' Huh? was my response. I was supposed to do what I damn well liked with her and treat her like a slut but only with her consent and only to things she agrees to. So where is my authority to act on my own initiative I asked, if all I am allowed to do is what she agrees with? It just seemed plain stupid to me. If I did something that didn't arouse her or she didn't like she would tell me, which in a vanilla relationship seems fine and sensible to me but this was a D/s relationship and maybe I just didn't care if she liked it or was aroused by it. Basically I was a cock on a leash which to me is what most doms are, they seem to conform to anything to get the consent of a sub. It all comes down to the leash has two ends and the dom is very much the one being taken for a walk. It is no different than the sexual dynamics of a vanilla relationship. Now I'm just into S&M play and won't go near D/s. I'm not going to pretend I'm in charge when in reality a sub is tickling my balls. Interesting thought. I happen to love D/s and do not see it as "idiotic" and "juvenile". I'm submissive, therefore obedience is of the utmost importance to me, and my obedience is most certainly not contigent upon whether I wish to do what he asks or not. He asks, I do. It's that simple, and for us, D/s is incredibly erotic. I am most certainly the one with the leash. There are things he doesn't ask of me, because he's accepted the responsibility of my submission and obedience, and balances my welfare with his desires. However, i don't make that call. He does. I do things all the time, every day, that I don't want to do, simply because he expects it. For some of us, D/s is very serious, and encompasses the erotic and the emotional, and is not at all that conditional power exchange you've experienced. The other thing is that most submissives/slaves will not submit and obey just anyone. Rather, it is something that an attentive, responsible Master or Mistress inspires from the slave by their ability to lead, guide and dominate. I don't know, but that seems pretty "mature" in terms of relationship dynamics.

Lady Alaria -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:26:42 PM)
NonVerbal: Don't know about this. I've gone -nearly- non verbal before...but I'm still pretty sure that I could get the safeword out if I needed. The fact that when things go seriously into the out-of-control zone I tend to have my safeword playing on repeat somewhere in the back of my head seems to make this more likely. Safe words don't make you safe, but in high risk play I think they reduce risk. I'm also a fan of deadman switch style things like bells in hand. Interesting note: only time I've ever safeworded was due to a cramp(bad bondage). It went kinda like: 'red, Red, RED, CRAMP!!' Worked pretty well. Never had a sub safeword out on me yet.

Devilslilsister -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:26:46 PM)
Ha! I expect my Dom to be maybe not in absolute control but in control - during no mattter what type of play it is. Primal or what not. If things get "primal" i expect him to be in enough control not to punch me in the face, or kick me in the spine. No matter what play we get into - if my Dom lost any of his control, he's liable to kill me. With his strength and my size - it would be a simple feat. I expect him in control. Ha hahahahaha My Dom is surely not God. And i've been hurt - more ways then one. People screw up. This i know. He prolly tied the ropes too tight. He prolly screwed up. Be that as it may, he understands my levels of distress and knows when i am in distress past what he means. He tends to know me well enough to know my limits, know how far i can go and know when i'm just trying to "tough" it out. We dont use "verbal communication' at all when it comes to this stuff. We use body language. And yes, i have much faith that my Dom knows my body language past what i know.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:26:49 PM)
I remember one hot scene where I was played with anonymously by a bunch of people in the club over a long time. At one point I shifted position and cut off circulation to my leg. I KNEW I had, but I didn't care in the least. I just wanted more of the scene. Safeword no good there.

Missokyst -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:37:10 PM)
I gotta say I have never used a safeword. Pretty much anyone I am involved with knows that I am going to totally snap into killspace if my lines are crossed. If I say STOP, it stops on pain of destruction. But I also don't get the deal with "my sir", "master", or "mr dohickey", if I am out of subspace it is his first name. If I am in subspace it's .. well.. a grrrrrrrrrowwwwl at its most lucid. I always have warned people what happens to me and to be warned that I can be a very destructive person when people don't pay attention to my lines. It may not be considered submissive to not fall into that yes sir, no sir thing, but play time is not where the ds falls in for me, that is just bdsm. That said, I DO love the struggle, fight, getting taken, prior to the limit where my line sets. It is a really long line which has been more than satisfactory for all parties involved. Kyst

Lady Alaria -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:38:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister Ha! I expect my Dom to be maybe not in absolute control but in control - during no mattter what type of play it is. Primal or what not. If things get "primal" i expect him to be in enough control not to punch me in the face, or kick me in the spine. No matter what play we get into - if my Dom lost any of his control, he's liable to kill me. With his strength and my size - it would be a simple feat. I expect him in control. Ha hahahahaha My Dom is surely not God. And i've been hurt - more ways then one. People screw up. This i know. He prolly tied the ropes too tight. He prolly screwed up. Be that as it may, he understands my levels of distress and knows when i am in distress past what he means. He tends to know me well enough to know my limits, know how far i can go and know when i'm just trying to "tough" it out. We dont use "verbal communication' at all when it comes to this stuff. We use body language. And yes, i have much faith that my Dom knows my body language past what i know. huh... Don't know. I don't expect my partners to be in full control. Maybe it's just that I am closer in size to the Dom I've done this with most(I'm 125, he's 160), and I am used to pretty extreme physical confrontation. If he stayed in a calm and collected state, I'd kick his ass(in resistance play -edit). For me topping I usually use a certain amount of bondage, to even out(and overpower) the game. In that sort of situation, although I -could- seriously harm him/her while not being careful, the odds are slightly less. But i find that I -have- to lose some control in the circumstance that I am dealing with a much bigger person who is in bondage, or the whole primal/forced thing just feels contrived...almost clinical.

Devilslilsister -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:50:16 PM)
quote: huh... Don't know. I don't expect my partners to be in full control. Maybe it's just that I am closer in size to the Dom I've done this with most(I'm 125, he's 160), and I am used to pretty extreme physical confrontation. If he stayed in a calm and collected state, I'd kick his ass. For me topping I usually use a certain amount of bondage, to even out(and overpower) the game. In that sort of situation, although I -could- seriously harm him/her while not being careful, the odds are slightly less. But i find that I -have- to lose some control in the circumstance that I am dealing with a much bigger person who is in bondage, or the whole primal/forced thing just feels contrived...almost clinical. well that most likely explains the difference in the amount of control we expect. I "was" 107 lbs and he is 230 lbs (give or take) i'm also 5 feet and he is 6'3. (i'm now like 115) Even when i'm being amazingly hard to pin down and using my full force - he neednt. There is no way in hell i could physically restrain him (i've tried) and even getting one cuff on him its impossible to get his arms together. Though he has allowed me to try and kick his ass.... and it usually ends with him laughing his ass off and me breathing heavy in utter frustration. but then it does seem odd to me to hear of a Dominant losing any of their self control. To each their own i suppose = )

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 5:56:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuciusAestus Anyone tried/enjoy this? Allow me to explain. I don't really like the obedience part of a BDSM situation. I find it stupid with submissives saying "Yes Master/Mistress" all the time. I don't see the thrill in something being done by the command of another if the one commanding has no direct influence over the one being commanded. I find pure obedience only practiced because of the desire for it to be silly (but that is just my opinion, so please don't take offence from it). Would it not be fun if the submissive, when tied up, instead of screaming "Fuck me hard, Master!", would struggle against the ropes and grit teeth in anger? This is at least what I find myself enjoying the thought of most. There may still be something I like about obedience, but I can't quite put my finger on it yet. I'm sure there's more I should write, but my head is empty for now. What you find stupid alot of us enjoy. As a slave I find my obedience is essential. I do enjoy to struggle and fight a bit at times. Because one enjoys something and someone else does not, does not make it stupid.

Lady Alaria -> RE: Non-obedient BDSM (12/12/2006 6:07:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister well that most likely explains the difference in the amount of control we expect. I "was" 107 lbs and he is 230 lbs (give or take) i'm also 5 feet and he is 6'3. (i'm now like 115) Even when i'm being amazingly hard to pin down and using my full force - he neednt. There is no way in hell i could physically restrain him (i've tried) and even getting one cuff on him its impossible to get his arms together. Though he has allowed me to try and kick his ass.... and it usually ends with him laughing his ass off and me breathing heavy in utter frustration. but then it does seem odd to me to hear of a Dominant losing any of their self control. To each their own i suppose = ) Yeah, I know. It seems to sound odd to a lot of people. Some folk get annoyed at the safeword mantra, I get annoyed at the 'dominant always in complete control' mantra. I mean, when I am doing a suspension, deep flogging, play piercing or mummification scene or the like, I am very lucid, in absolute control. But in forced/resistance? Nope. All bets are off. And if my Dom/me were in a perfectly lucid state, I don't know. Huh. I guess that could be hot...the torment of me struggling and being helpless to do anything while they were perfectly calm. They'd better be twice my size and/or trained in martial arts or greco-roman though, or I'll be free in a blink. Unless, of course, there's bondage involved...and then you might get into the whole contrived thing again...with primal anyway. I don't know, but I tend to think 'primal' directly translates into 'some loss of control'. On both sides.

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875