RE: Fishing for....insults??

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RE: Fishing for....insults?? - 2/24/2005 2:53:30 PM

Nikita

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

Thankyou to everyone who took the time to reply I had no idea there were 'kink aware counsellors' and wonder if they exist in my neck of the woods.I have done some research on the net and at school and feel i understand myself a bit more when i look into things i think what bothers me is the fact that the few times in the past i have tried to explain to people how i feel there reactions were so negative I have even been laughed at and that hurt the most,even on this site i am not sure where i 'fit in' but on the bright side everyday i am growing and learning and I hope one day I will find what I need.whether it comes in the form of therapy or otherwise.

Thanx again

(in reply to feline)

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RE: Fishing for....insults?? - 2/26/2005 1:09:27 AM

Augusten

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/25/2005
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No, it's proabably not just coincidence that you like being told that you're ugly and fat. I agree with sub4hire, you're use to this type of abuse. I think that kinks are usually developed because people go through experiences that they shouldn't have gone through and they natuarally deal with it in sexual response. That is neither wrong nor sick. What's sick and wrong is the way your father treated you. Now that you're old enough to see that it hurt you, you should deal with that pain. (and, if possible, have a conversation with your father.) I think that you should except the fact that it turns you on to be called names and exploit that for all it's worth. The fact that you'd rather be just vanilla is normal. I think all of us here understand that having kinks can be a burden in a society of willingly ignorant people. But think about it, it turns you on... that's a good thing. To wish that your lebito operated differently is emotionally self-destructive. It's the way that you still haven't dealt with your pain. By exploring this fetish more I believe you'll find- through positive sexual reinforcement if nothing else- a peacefullness within yourself. Through this I hope that you can realize your personal beauty while you learn to enjoy your appetites.
Sex is therapy, no matter what type of sex it is.

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RE: Fishing for....insults?? - 2/26/2005 11:24:06 PM

teachmetobeg

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2005
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nikita,
Without reading any of the messages, i would like to offer a sort of explination as to WHY you may be experiencing this. Many times when people are put down by someone they love, they feel more compelled to "make it better somehow." Perhaps subconciously, by being called ugly/fat/fill in the blank, and being able to satisfy the One you are with, you feel more accepted. Like it might be OK to be who you are.
There are some healing techniques. While i have not found counseling to be very effective for me, meditation and Reiki have proven to be lifesavers. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or need recommendations.
i understand a bit of what you are going through. It took me a long time to ever look at myself as pretty, or to even take a compliment from somebody. i was always put down as a child. When someone calls me stupid now, i feel as though i have an obligation to prove them wrong.
One thing i will never forget is the last time i walked out of my mother's house she told me that i was nothing but a whore and no one would love me except for when i spread my legs. That hurt more than i think anything else that was ever said to me. Now, however, when Sir asks me if i am his slut/whore i smile inside. In fact, it turns me on in ways i can not describe. Go Figure!

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RE: Fishing for....insults?? - 2/26/2005 11:35:02 PM

teachmetobeg

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2005
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Ok.OK. i know i posted just a moment ago, but reading about all of the psychology that E/everyone is mentioning just let me say this:
1. Yes it is easier to seek postive reenforcement, for what *we* think is true. That means if *we* think we are ugly, we seek others who will help us with this self image.
2. It is much harder to remake our minds into thinking we are pretty if we already have it engrained that we are ugly. we tend to back away from someone who has a different view of us than we do.
3. i forget the terminology for it, but when we see/believe a concept or idea about a person/thing we tend to focus on the things that support what we think and dismiss those that might challenge our judgement.
it takes A LOT of work to rewire our thinking. counseling may help, but perhaps opening up and listening to what others are saying (especially when it makes us uncomfortable/shy) will allow you to better find who you believe yourself to be and then perhaps you can deal with the issue of being put down by someone you call Daddy

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