Rover -> RE: References (12/16/2006 5:56:42 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Unicorm2 When meeting someone on line I always ask "are you a member of your local community?" and "Could you provide me whith references?" I can and will gladly provide the same. Yes I am a member of several dungeons amd I can give you people who know me quite well. I can also provide you with my latest Std and HIV results. Is it wrong of me to expect, tjis information from a true Dom or Master. If you aren't a member of a dungeon, or known by someone somewhere as a Dom, then why should I trust you? People without references dismiss their value for personal, not logical reasons (ie: they don't have them, so they denigrate them). But the BDSM community has a long tradition and history of using references, because they do provide meaningful information. 1. References from recognized groups, organizations, communities, etc. can be authenticated. As opposed to references from unknown individuals whose authenticity cannot be ascertained (in fact, the stranger writing you may even be the individual you're checking on writing to you from a different email address). 2. These references can authenticate an individual's personal history. It separates fact from fiction, and most people find it helpful to know (early on) whether someone is lying to them or not. 3. References can authenticate whether an individual's skill set is derived from community demos, workshops, dungeons, and interaction with real people, versus the internet (often from anonymous sources), magazines, books and interaction with inanimate objects. Some people will find this information valuable in discerning whether they will be someone's partner, or guinea pig. 4. References can authenticate an individual's reputation within the community. Most reputations are well earned, and some people will find it helpful to know how an individual has come to be thought of in that way (good or bad). 5. References can authenticate that an individual socializes real time with other lifestylers. Some people may want/need that socialization, others may not. Denying the value of socialization denies the very existence and popularity of boards like this. 6. Since the past is a predictor (though not a guarantor) of the future, these references can indicate that an individual will continue to benefit from the resources provided by their local community. Like you, I (and the vast majority of folks I know) are more than happy to provide references where there is a mutual interest in getting to know one another. They provide a level of credibility at that crucial stage in which someone could be creating a fictitious persona and personal resume. I know, that would be a rareity online, wouldn't it? John
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