Self Disciplined Sub's

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Quivver -> Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 4:54:08 AM)
I hope this isn’t too confusing, finding the words seems difficult this morning! In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman. I know differently… I have many areas that need more discipline, but over all I have met what’s been thrown at me and have over come quite a bit, without the aid and support of a Master. Actually I quit looking until I could get things on track, I didn’t want to start a relationship from the stand point of a liability. But, what I’ve found is as I’ve gotten my feet more firmly planted on the ground and began building my assets is that I am finding less and less Men/Masters/Dom’s with a self discipline equal to or above my own. ~ no offence to the Domme’s out here, my preference for a relationship is Male ~ I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come?

enigmaslave -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 5:00:40 AM)
i can relate to your statement, i have come form enviromente where i was trained to be very self disaplined. i am experiencing similiar issues

KatyLied -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 5:03:05 AM)
If they are a new set of issues, I would consider them a good set of issues to have. You have raised the bar higher for a potential Dom. I say good for you!

bandit25 -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 5:10:00 AM)
Don't see why it should. If you want a relationship based on TPE (or at least give control over to your Dom), I don't think it means you have to be undisciplined to do so. I've done the same. I've had to. I am very self disciplined. Excuse me for saying so but your friend sounds pretty sexist to me. I don't know why women should have as much or, in cases, more self discipline than men.

Quivver -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 5:24:32 AM)
Giving over control is where the problem is Bandit. Not only in finding one to offer those rein's to but finding one who doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work.

MmakeMme -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 5:37:43 AM)
Quivver, I am extremely self-disciplined and dominant in my "regular" life and yet I still long to submit because it is who I am. My Sir does not find it too much work (at least not that He's expressed) and is the sort of Man I respect because of His strength (which is that strong because it is also flexible). He keeps me coming back for more because of the freedom He allows me ~and~ for the Dominance He holds - it is not every man who can harness, cultivate, encourage, and lead a strong-willed sub, but He says that such women are His preference. When you find your Dom ... yowza! Fireworks guaranteed.

Rover -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 6:15:39 AM)
Humans are not stagnant, inanimate objects. Over time we grow and evolve, and as we do so, the skill sets we seek in a partner will evolve to reflect the changes in our lives. If you're already in a relationship, the challenge is to grow and evolve together, such that you both continue to meet each other's needs. If your interest in BDSM is focused primarily upon "discipline", then your personal evolution may require finding a partner whose "discipline" skills are highly refined. However, as your personal discipline evolves, you may find that other skills become more important (control, perhaps?) and you simply need to re-evaluate (or re-prioritize) the qualities you're seeking. John

SusanofO -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 6:23:05 AM)
Gosh that strikes me as a ridiculous thing for someone to say (they expect you to have a sex change? Heheh...). Maybe they think you're "too independent" (to make them feel "needed")? I had someone toss that comment at me, once - only thing I could think of to say was that I'd beeen more or less forced to learn how to deal with lots of things alone (and tried to ask their advice more often, because I did value it). - Susan

happypervert -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 8:00:34 AM)
quote: but finding one who doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work. This sounds to me like it would be an unusual attitude, but that's because I'd see such self-discipline as meaning it would take less work by me, and that's a good thing because I'm lazy.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 8:06:13 AM)
That's a new one on me- too much discipline means you're not a woman. OK... It can create problems if you get stuck in your ruts and are too resistant to re-training. Part of discipline is adaptation, the ability to flex and bend to new circumstances. This doesn't mean you lower your standards for what you need and what will make you fulfilled, simply that you do not present yourself as a fully molded an carved granite statue- but as a constant work in progress within yourself and in the relationship.

darksdesire -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 9:06:20 AM)
I'm so stuck on the statement that you are "too self disciplined to be a woman", that I can't seem to even consider the rest of the question.

aviinterra -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 9:36:02 AM)
Although I am not a male dominant, I have had very disciplined subs and I have not had any difficut issues with them, other than probably having less problems in general- if you want to count that as an issue. [:D] A person that is self-disciplined is stronger inside, more sure of themselves in my opinion, which tells me that I can trust their decision to choose to submit to me or to grow even more inside by "sticking to the program" more than a sub that is fragile and needs to have his/her hand held constantly, taking one step forward, two steps back. While I know this might be a fetish for others, I am not into playing mommy- my household is strict and I encourage discipline in all areas, especially the intellectual curiosities of the sub. As for the nilla comment- it was completely uncalled for and tells you about the lack of discipline in the person who was not able to keep that thought in their own head. People are still usually scared of a stronger and disciplined woman- I think it is just a case of the green monster. :)

ownedgirlie -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 10:09:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darksdesire I'm so stuck on the statement that you are "too self disciplined to be a woman", that I can't seem to even consider the rest of the question. LOL no kidding. I am required to be self disciplined to serve my Master. In fact, I had very little when he met me. He has taught me how to get it back.

Arpig -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 10:57:57 AM)
quote: doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work. I must have missed something along the way, but if you are giving over control then where is the work? Its work if you are the sort of sub who wants to have the control taken and requires this sort of dynamic continuously (lots of work there), but if you give over control, its not work

jblack -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/16/2006 1:41:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Quivver In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman. Damn! I must be too self-disciplined to be a woman, too. No wonder I never get any action!

Mavis -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/18/2006 8:46:09 AM)
Was He possibly Gorean? Not to deride Gorean ways of thinking, but a LOT of their standards and expectations are set on gender lines, and the expectation that a true kajira would come fully needy of male dominance is one of them. (That said, this does not mean i think all male Goreans want a less than self-disciplined woman to serve them, on the contrary, i think They also seek strong women who can bend to Master only. but they do tend to see females as genetically dependant as part of our makeup.)

DominaSmartass -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/18/2006 8:37:46 PM)
quote: I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come? I believe that the issue you will face most is that it will take all that much better, stronger, wiser, etc. of a man to warrant your submission. It doesn't take to much greatness, strength, or wisdom to dominate a basket case and there are a lot of them out there (basket cases and basket case dominaters.)

LadyHugs -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (12/18/2006 9:18:55 PM)
Dear Quivver, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eyes I see, the same difficulty if you were a female that was active or retired US Marine. Another US Marine would not be so wavering when it comes to a strong and disciplined woman. From a Dominant aspect, I do thrive and get high on disciplined men, the military mindset, protocol, etiquette, obeying without having to hold a conversation as to why, where, when and how. When I have given a slave a request, it is no different then a command. I expect it to be done. How it is done is up to the slave in most cases. Few exceptions would be in regard to a party or tea, where I put my personal stamp on things. I personally think it is wonderful that you are achieving areas which you are pleased with. A person really is 'the master' of their own 'self.' Any other Master/Dominant is adding and enhancing. In my mind's I see, whenever we up-grade to another level, it seems to get thin in ranks from individuals to choose from. It is difficult to find a decent partner as is for all of us, as we're (in general sense) looking for what suits us as to feel comfortable to proceed on as a 'pair' in a relationship. Just need to start looking at the Cadillac or Lincoln class--not the GEO Metro, Ford Pinto or Chevy Vega --or the Gremlin class. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

MzMia -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (7/28/2007 12:33:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Quivver I hope this isn’t too confusing, finding the words seems difficult this morning! In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman. I know differently… I have many areas that need more discipline, but over all I have met what’s been thrown at me and have over come quite a bit, without the aid and support of a Master. Actually I quit looking until I could get things on track, I didn’t want to start a relationship from the stand point of a liability. But, what I’ve found is as I’ve gotten my feet more firmly planted on the ground and began building my assets is that I am finding less and less Men/Masters/Dom’s with a self discipline equal to or above my own. ~ no offence to the Domme’s out here, my preference for a relationship is Male ~ I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come? LittleQuivver, another wonderful thread that I missed. Some people thrive on rescuing people that are needy and helpless. I prefer a submissive that is self disciplined, if YOU are not self-disciplined, what do you have to offer ME, especially in an ongoing and long term relationship?

cumulus -> RE: Self Disciplined Sub's (7/28/2007 12:48:36 PM)
The essential point of my response to your issue can pretty much be summed up by LA's opening sentence. I believe it's pretty ridiculous that you'd be thought of negatively for having a great deal of self-discipline. Personally, I would welcome such a trait and feel fortunate that it existed to make the dynamic flow alot smoother.

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