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RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/17/2006 3:25:24 PM   
Palaceofwinds


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your input.  In hindsight, the title of my thread was probably melodramatic, but at the time of writing I had genuine concerns, concerns that have been put to bed somewhat by all of Your perspectives, and my Mistress is also fully aware now of the concerns I had. 

(in reply to MmakeMme)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/17/2006 3:41:06 PM   
Samwhiplash


Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		Hi Donagh - and welcome to the posting boards.

I wholeheartedly agree with CrouchingTigress.

I have definitely found that subs differ greatly in their responses to punishment. Remember that some will thoroughly enjoy being punished (some even welcoming it and bring it on themselves). Some understand its reasoning, take it on the chin and flourish in the aftermath, however there are also those who are left so low after it that it is not a learning curve for them at all, but rather a downward spiral :(

I am glad to also read that you describe it otherwise as a positive experience and that it went well.

I think it would be unusual if u werent psychologically affected somewhat after your first play session.

Miss Sam

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 5:13:45 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feylin

Let me end this (my post) on a happier note:  While writing my post I remembered how he would deal with my moments during play, punishment (whatever one would like to call it, I'm okay with it), when I became unsure, upset, what have you.  He always made me laugh.  He always had this ability to draw me out of whatever dramatic upheaval I was fully prepared to go the distance on and make me laugh.  Soon he would be able to draw me back to my original problem once I was in a calmer state of mind.  Looking back, it is a cool gift and it makes sense.  Kind of like never trying to argue with someone who is drunk, it makes sense.

Ok, back in my happy place.


Let's hear it for ~terrific~ Doms! (Your post made me feel all fuzzy. ~sweet smile~)

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to feylin)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 5:15:05 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palaceofwinds

Thank you all for your input.  In hindsight, the title of my thread was probably melodramatic, but at the time of writing I had genuine concerns, concerns that have been put to bed somewhat by all of Your perspectives, and my Mistress is also fully aware now of the concerns I had. 


~smiling~ Good job, Palace. The best to you.

_____________________________

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 5:43:30 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

I'm mad about Her and scared shitless of Her at the same time,


quote:

My worry, though, is that my fear of my Mistress will move from being a healthy one to an all-consuming one that will stifle me as a sub, and my mind will become seriously conflicted. 


Greetings..~smiles~

I haven't read all the responses so this may have been addressed already. These two aspects of your post give way to more concern in this realm we live. While most I think can get to the true understanding of what is meant when said..the way the wording is presented is probably not the best choice.

Never should you be afraid of the person, and this is what is indicated here..thought again, I do not think it is truely what you mean. Most of us do have that quiet fear factor of not pleasing the owner..or of failing them in some way, and it is a very difficult hurdle to overcome especially when there is little history established. Time=trust=foundation=security. You are definetely not alone in your feelings, and being that your a new property..a good owner will most likely see your reactions to better understand you..but you must also find a way to express this and not keep it bottled up.

Good Luck

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 6:39:25 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I worry about this, too, because I have developed an interest in experiencing sadism,(which I have no experience at) and I am hoping that however this manifests with any partner, they at least realize I need reassurance they do care, or I willl feel ready to just die. It would literally make me feel torn apart (what I think you are describing).

On the other hand, I am extremely aroused by the idea of being at the mercy of an experienced sadist. I consider it bdsm activity kicked up a notch or two (or ten) and figure that it only gets better, not worse, if someone knows what they are doing in this area. I am excited by the prospect of pleasing them fully and experiencing it for myself. 

But, I am a very emotional person, and feeling cast aside like an old shoe after a session (or whatever one calls it) would really do me in. I'd consider that destructive in a bad way. I can be a very caring partner - very. But I think I am going to need some heavy-duty aftercare if we have a really intense session (or many), and hope I get it. If they are experienced, I am confident they will know how to handle this, and will trust them to do it.

What does your Domme do for aftercare? Does she hold you or anything? Or at least talk to you to reassure you she cares about you?

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/18/2006 6:47:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 8:37:27 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hello Palaceof winds,
I would say her displeasure setting you off so bad would be much like the mouse who would get zapped every time it stepped on the electrified part of it's cage floor.
Eventually it will make you not step there again.
Sometimes it takes pain to prompt the memory to not go lackadaisical on us and teach us new habits faster.

I'd say as you get use to being a submissive of hers your infractions will become less and less frequent as you reprogram your behaviors to meet her requirements.

Some fear and pain can indeed be a healthy tool in changing undesirable behaviors.
For example a child who's burned their finger with a match is less likely to start a fire playing with matches later.
Not all pain training is bad even though you hate it while it's transpiring.

Just hang in there and BE A GOOD BOY as much as possible.
I think that will keep the incidents to a minimum.

The fear you have of her severe treatment can possibly be used in finding the way to accept her Dominance over you and your station in doing her will as well as you desire to.

Be patient with yourself, DEFINITELY discuss what you think and feel on this subject with your Mistress, and good luck.
suzanne

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 2:49:43 PM   
Palaceofwinds


Posts: 8
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		I really appreciate all the responses I have received.  I've talked things out with my Mistress since, and She's very aware of my particular sensitivity, and the last thing She wants to do is harm me in any way.  To answer your question Susan, yes, my Mistress knows I need aftercare and she gives me very good aftercare.  I can relate to everything You say about being an emotional person and the need for aftercare, and if you do eventually find yourself playing hard with an experienced sadist, quality aftercare will be essential for you.

Palaceofwinds 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 3:07:31 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Palaceofwinds: Thanks. Good luck to you in your relationship with your Mistress.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Palaceofwinds)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Psychological fallout of submission - 12/18/2006 6:01:34 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		My last boy was a newbie and expressed some of the same feelings after his first punishment. Honestly newbies are much more high maintenance. This isn't a personal shot it's just the way it is. It takes time and patience not only to scene with newbies but to deal with what likely is going on now, labeled sub drop. In my mind a dominant should be there to explain and help you work through these feelings anyway but explaining and working through everything takes time. My boy even as I was punishing him hit a point where he looked at me and asked if I really cared about him. My reply was that if I didn't care about him or about him being the sub I know he's capable of I wouldn't have bothered to punish him and would have just left.
I think what you're labeling as schizophrenic feelings is the sub drop feeling of oh my god what happened and how sick am I that I liked it. This is common.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 12/18/2006 6:07:03 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to feylin)
Profile   Post #: 30
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