i need help (Full Version)

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ybnvs -> i need help (12/18/2006 5:35:57 PM)

My Master seems to never have time for me. There are no strick rules. occasionally He tells me what to wear or not to wear, but that's it. It's never a ongoing thing either. it's maybe a couple times a week. I basically have to beg for Him to give me orders. How can I get Him to be more involved??



mnottertail -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 5:50:13 PM)

Has he ever talked to you about cross-posting?  He prolly should.

Ron  



diamonddreamlove -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 5:50:58 PM)

Sounds like it is time to talk to your Master.  There are numerous things i could speculate that are going on but they would be only speculation.  Talking to your Master is the only way you will find out what is going on and be able to correct the problem.



ybnvs -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 6:10:50 PM)

i've tried talking to him....but He says everything is fine! I don't understand!!



ybnvs -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 6:12:11 PM)

what is cross-posting??? how can it help?



KatyLied -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 6:29:18 PM)

quote:

but He says everything is fine! I don't understand!!


kiss.of.death

It's fine for him because he doesn't want to do any work.  He's hoping that you'll accept the domliness he's offering as enough.



NControlofU -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 6:58:04 PM)

You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him.  There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves.  Much depends on how long you have been his slave, whether you are 24/7 or part time, real life or cyber, live-in or out, whether you are his only slave or if there are others in his life, or other partners, for that matter, such as a wife or girlfriend.  There just isn't enough background information to go on.  Only you and he knows what your relationship is and isn't.  It might just be that you are thinking that you have one type of relationship and he is thinking it is something else, entirely.  You might have one set of expectations from it and he might have all together different ones.  Since he says that everything is "fine", I would have to guess that his expectations are being met and that, if you aren't getting your expectations met, that you have different ones. 

About the only thing to do is to either, 1) talk with him honestly about what you want/need out of this relationship and what it is that is frustrating you or, 2) live with it the way it is and accept him for who he is and how he chooses to be a Master to you.  You might find out that your expectations and his are not on the same page and that he isn't interested in changing his to meet yours.  That is something that you will have to accept and live with or else you might have to find another Master who will give you what you are wanting and needing.

David



DominaSmartass -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 7:04:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him.  There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves. 


I don't think it matters what type of relationship it is, obviously the OP's needs and desires are not being met. OP, if you talk to him and he says everything is fine you need to tell him that everything is NOT fine. If you want more, either he will give it to you or you need to find someone who will. Might be that you 2 are just not a great match.



AquaticSub -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 7:23:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ybnvs

what is cross-posting??? how can it help?


Cross-posting is the annoying practice of posting the same question in many forums. He should be alerted to it so that he may punish you and hence increase the BDSM content of your relationship. Happy Holidays! [:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 7:25:01 PM)

In response to the question: Talk to him again. If he says everything is fine, tell him things aren't fine. You are having a problem that apprently you can't leave alone. That means things aren't fine and you need to have a talk about your dynamic.



crouchingtigress -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 7:34:21 PM)

do you know what you want specifically?
 
you cant be so vauge...if there are specifics he will be much more likely to understand and to work with you on solutions.
 
make a list...check it twice...maybe he'll be naughty if you ask nice.....[;)]



slavejali -> RE: i need help (12/18/2006 11:17:06 PM)

Issues like this really show the benefit in setting up your initial relationship with well defined parameters and expectations. I can't think of any advice right now...I feel for you, that would be hell for me.



Focus50 -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 3:46:37 AM)

While communication is always helpful, I fear this sounds more a question of mutual compatability; that your need to be controlled is at a greater level than what his personal needs dictate.  You most likely can't can't get him "to be more involved", you'll probably need someone who already has it "hard-wired" into him....
 
Focus.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 7:40:19 AM)

I agree with Focus.  While in some instances I'd suggest being more specific, being more actively submissive expressed in the relationship and making mutual specific commitments to eachother- this one has an air of just not a good match to it.  His behavior hasn't changed, it's just not where the other person needs it to be.  Accept it and next time don't make a commitment until you know it will fulfill you.



toservez -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 8:12:14 AM)

The op is quite vague in how the relationship started out or what were the expectations, so my general advice is that communication of what you need from the relationship needs to be discussed and both of you can work with how to get to the point where both of you are getting what you need out of the relationship. All relationships, including D/s ones require effort on both parties. It is not just him acting dominant or her acting submissive to get the other one going. It takes both.

My fear though is you are with a person who considers themselves a “natural” Dom which is code for I do not want to put any effort in a relationship but want things when I want them and a sub should just naturally be happy by calling themselves a sub and serving on any level at all times.



NControlofU -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 8:35:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass


quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him.  There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves. 


I don't think it matters what type of relationship it is, obviously the OP's needs and desires are not being met. OP, if you talk to him and he says everything is fine you need to tell him that everything is NOT fine. If you want more, either he will give it to you or you need to find someone who will. Might be that you 2 are just not a great match.


It certainly does matter what type of M/s relationship they have and it especially matters what type of M/s relationship she thinks they have compared to what type he thinks they have.  There seems to be a definite disconnect between what she is expecting/wanting/needing from this relationship compared to what he is expecting/wanting/needing.  So, she needs to first identify what her expectations, needs, and wants are from this relationship and then ask him what his are.  She might find out that his ideas about what they would be to each other and how that would play out are very different from what she was thinking.  If so, then she can find out if there are some compromises that can be made (on his or hers or both of their parts) and, if not, then she needs to decide if she wants to adjust her thinking about this relationship and accept it the way it is or if she needs to end it.

If this is a new relationship, if this is a part time relationship, if this is a cyber relationship, it is going to make a big difference in how the relationship is handled (on both sides) than if it is another type. 



BDSM05478 -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 8:38:38 AM)

Sorry but solely picking out someones clothes does not a Dom make. Now where it does make for a hvg with a fabric fetish the world may never know.



Diamonion -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 1:03:45 PM)

I'm going to have to agree with what quite a few of the people here seem to be saying.  It looks to me like you're expecting more out of the relationship than he is.  You need to talk to him, and when he says everything is fine, tell him that no, it isn't.  If that little bit of dominance is all that he's looking for, and you're looking for much more, than maybe it's time for the both of you to look for things that fit you better.



amuzingtoyou -> RE: i need help (12/19/2006 3:23:03 PM)

you have expressed to him your unhappiness. He says everything is fine. On his end..everything is fine. But he is not addressing your concerns. IMHO, if you have tried to address this a number of times and he keeps saying everything is fine, then its time for you to make some decisions for yourself. Either decide if it's enough for you, and be happy with the situation at hand, or end the relationship.



eyesopened -> RE: i need help (12/21/2006 3:47:37 AM)

i'm using this as a lesson in communication between the sexes:
He stands in front of the refridgerator with the door open and staring straight ahead and hollars out "Where's the mayo?"
you: "In the fridge"
He : (still staring straight ahead) "I don't see it."
you: It's on the second shelf, righ hand side, behind the leftover meatloaf"
He: "Oh, I see it now"

See, just asking Him what's wrong or if everything is okay is just not enough information.  Don't expect Him to see into your mind or know your needs when you may have placed them behind the meatloaf.  Providing details of how you are feeling and what your expectations are, is important.  If you don't feel comfortable giving Him that level of detail into your feelings, then it is probably time to re-think the relationship.




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