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A new Master - 12/19/2006 9:14:54 AM

guidingfox

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/18/2006
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I am new to the community, and am a master over a new slave. I was interested if any masters out there could give me advise on trainning my slave and advise for me as a new master on how to act and treat my slave I have my personal ideas and ways of doing things but advise is always appreciated

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 9:38:41 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

GF,

You're likely to get several answers to the effect that you should already 'know' what to do. Ignore em.

What you should do is sit down with your girl, and ask her what she likes, doesn't like, fantasizes about, fears, will do, won't do.

Ask about monogamy (a big stepping stone for some.) Not just 'are you bisexual' or 'have you fantasized about others' but also about 'how would you feel if there was another slave' or 'do you expect to have another dominant.'

Ask about limits. What is she willing to do, what does she refuse to do, what is she afraid (but still wants) to try.

Ask her about 'vanilla' aspects. Are you two romantic? Do you want children? Family? House? Live like gypsies? Where do you see yourself five years from now. It's not a 'marriage' conversation - it's a life goals conversation.

Once you have a good feeling for what she's interested in, you need to do the same for her. Everything she's just told you about, you need to tell her. I suggest doing it this way, because it helps to ensure your answers don't influence hers - submissives (new or otherwise) are often so quick to please, that they immediately agree to whatever the Dominant says, without really considering it.

Now that you both know what it is you want, give some thought to a BDSM style checklist. I suggest one that's relatively short, a one pager to start. It'll help give you a handle on what activities you two have in common.

A good once a month (or more often) do the same thing. Sit down for a chat about what you both want, and don't want. It won't change drastically month to month, but things will change, and this is a good way to address those issues when they do.

Beyond that, try and keep an open mind, and use your own common sense. The vanilla rules don't always apply, but the vanilla guidelines do - don't be afraid to experiment, but don't do something you're not sure about either.

Good luck!

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to guidingfox)

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 9:38:43 AM

IvyP

Posts: 43
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline

i can! :)......education works best
The Loving Dominate.....by John Warren
Screw the roses, Send Me the Thorns.....Phillip Miller and Molly Devon
also....... http://www.castlerealm.com/............
best of all things to come for both :)

(in reply to guidingfox)

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 9:55:27 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

welcome to the fora...

well you certainly do ask some very broad questions...ill try to do my best....one thing though, you say in your profile you are looking for a second slave, might i suggest that that might be a little premature until you get your bearings on your first one and on your self a bit first?

training has some very basic elements to it.

1. figure out what you want your girl to be trained to do....make a list for yourself of these things.

2. only pick a few things at a time, the reason is because, as a salve you want to know that you owner is really in control and really wants the things he wants, otherwise you dont feel your contribution is valued...for example some Dominants wont let a slave open a door for herself the idea is that he is the one who stewards her through the doorways of her life....

well that is a very pretty idea, but if it is not a core value for you then you will forget, and you most likley will not notice, but i guarantee she will notice it and feel like you dropped the ball, and worse she may not say anything , not wanting to upset you and then the fabric starts to tear just a little bit....

so pick a few things you are passionate about that you will not forget or ignore when mistakes are made.

3. i personally think and there have been numerous studies that support the idea that reward is a better motivator then punishment, so get really clear on what her motivator rewards are and use them.

4 if she does need correction, i personally think it is best to have already figured out and told her what the consequence for the infraction will be, and then follow through....give some thought to this, if you can make the punnishment fit the crime....it will speed her learning IMO.

i would think long and hard about using corporal punnishment (flogging, caning, whipping) for punnishments, there are several schools of thought on this...mine in a nut shell is, D/s is a reward period...keeps the lines from being blurred...

Consistency and repetition are your main goals here....be gentle, dont loose your cool, yelling and storming off and extreme punishing only serve to make you a fool and she will begin to loose faith, stay calm , centered and focused when correcting an infraction.

so to recap: only pick things you are deeply invested in to train her to do, have pre thought out punnishments that she know what each consequence for each action is, 3be consistent, be cool and calm, and think twice about adding a third.

also read as much as you can get your hands on...if your girl really is a slave, she needs some one who knows what she needs.

i see it like this, if you never had a horse before and suddenly you were given a thoroughbred, you would have to research a lot about, feeding, training, riding, grooming, exercising, pasturing, and health...this really is not very different, if she is a slave as you say, she needs things that a girlfriend does not, and if you dont give them to her it could negatively not only effect your relationship, but also her health and well being...

what make you say she is a slave?

ps. dont forget "with great reward comes great responsibility"

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 12/19/2006 10:02:37 AM >

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 10:28:57 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Sit and write out what you think you want. Then, sit and write out what you feel you have to offer. Then, check both against reality. For example, if you want a 24/7 live-in slave, having her in a cage 24/7 is really not realistic. Having her in a cage for a day or two is. So, the good news is: there's room for fantasy. The tempered good news is: there's room for fantasy in the proper setting.

Once you've gotten all this, discuss it with her. she may find that there are things that she objects to...it's up to you to decide if you can give them up or not.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 12:11:04 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Hello There,
I'm a sub, but my Sir's only been in the BDSM world a little over two months now.
He actually came into BDSM as he noticed me and my lifestyle and began asking about it.
What he's been doing is reading the above mentioned books and Different Loving.
He's hitting the castlerealm dot com web site and even though he's male thefrugaldomme dot com site as well as it has lots of good information no matter if you're male or female.
He's gotten out in the face to face community and gone to dungeons, special events, munches and play parties.
He's found 4 Dominants in the public community that are giving him pointers about techniques, where to but toys, and helping him with D/s questions.
We plan after the holidays pass to start getting him to the Black Rose and Bess presentations as well.
He's looked at lots of magazines and web sites to see things like bondage, pony play and othere aspects of play as a photo sometimes is worth 1000 words.
He and I have discussed at length what I value & what He expects in a BDSM relationship, what types of play He/I enjoy, some of the most memorable scenes I've done with others, and our feelings on poly, open or monogamy.
Basically he's immersing himself in all the resources and community he can and he's grown by leaps and bounds.
It's been less than 8 weeks now since he began this new journey inside himself and he's quadrupled his technique and knowledge.
I would recommend networking yourself out there to get as many opinions you can respect, keep seeking resources for yourself to learn from, taking your time so you enjoy it instead of considering it a pressurized test or doing something purely to cross it off your list of things to try, and only adding things into your life you both enjoy and it's want to do.

suzanne

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 6:29:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I love when so many people give great answers so I can just give the sideline.

It IS an issue when someone throws themselves into a relationship without taking the slightest bit of time to really consider what their expectations and long term feelings are. Now, it's not a real issue here- the other partner consented to this folly just as much as the other. But it really just blows my mind how often and blithely it occurs.

If I want a quick hot time, I'll have a quick hot time. But if I want a serious relationship, then I don't just pick one up and then wonder what to do with it once I get it home.

Not to distract from people asking questions and getting information- please ignore my aimless rant and listen to what all those great people said before me.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 6:52:36 PM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
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Being on the sidelines as well, I would only add: Each slave is different so look at the answers in a broad sense. As you go, do not be afraid to change or tweak the techniques as you see fit to get your desired result.

Orion

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 7:03:29 PM

Midearthtrainer

Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline

As all the above applies. I will add the book, Miss Abernathy's slave training
Also try this site: http://www.bestslavetraining.com/ it should give you some ideas on training.

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RE: A new Master - 12/19/2006 8:39:59 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

Lots of good advice, there are only really two things I'd like to add.

1) There's a big difference between fantasy and reality. A lot of things you'll read/think about are impossible in real life. If your partner is also new, she might have fantasies that are impossible to pull off due to logistics/safety/whatever. There is usually some safe(r), more do-able alternative that provides the same thrill. Take the time to consider that before beginning something.

2) Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Sometimes, funny things will happen in "serious" situations, and it's ok to laugh. This is a journey (this meaning life, etcetera)... don't let it become a drag.

Everything everyone else has said is great. Just use common sense and you'll be in good shape.

Best wishes.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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Post #: 10

RE: A new Master - 12/21/2006 12:07:52 PM

desoutter

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
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My advice?
keep it simple...
talk a lot...
have fun...
do what comes naturally...

One thing I always like to do: have her dress like a french maid and act like a stewardess... I dont know - its funny...

desoutter

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When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

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RE: A new Master - 12/21/2006 12:19:10 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: desoutter

One thing I always like to do: have her dress like a french maid and act like a stewardess... I dont know - its funny...

desoutter

I like the way your mind works..

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So many thoughts, so few of them rational

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RE: A new Master - 12/24/2006 5:09:00 PM

AGORANTE

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Be prepared to forgive yourself.

BDSM is the Technicolor version of life and sex. Your subbie will be overwhelmed on occassion, but so will you. If you are doing it right your reactions will be so intense that you will stumble into doing stupid things. Its like a second adolesense.

You will probably find out some things about yourself that you have trouble accepting. Try to be easy on yourself.

I always thought of myself as a nice guy. I liked that notion, but was it true? When I first became a Dom/Master I worried that I was inauthentic. So many subbies complain about would-be Doms that only pretend to be Doms but are really just sweet nice vanilla guys putting on an act. Was that me?

No, I discovered that the reason so many people have called me an asshole for so many years is that I am an asshole. Most Doms are. For me the sunny, pleasant face I presented to the world was the facade. The real me underneath was overly competitive and more than a little cruel. But that's just me. Maybe you are a Dom/Master and simultaneously a sweet wonderful person. It could happen.

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