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pixelslave -> RE: RECRUITMENT HELP: testing potential submissives (12/20/2006 8:02:17 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OWNER02818
i was wondering how to test these submissives to decide if i want to meet then then decide if i want to play with them because i am sick of wasting time
any tips? any links?
thx Becky
Perhaps your first clue should be their initial letter and any further correspondence you've had with them. Was the first letter about you and your personal interests or about what they wanted from you in terms of their sexual fantasies? If the latter, you've identified someone who is probably a player. If the former, you've identified someone who is likely to be a submissive who is interested in you as a woman first who is also a Dominant. In the further correspondence, does the person wait for you to discuss his D/s interests or does he bring them up on his own? If he doesn't wait for you, you've identified someone who probably should also be cut as they've not waited for you to initiate that discussion. They should have continued to discuss your and their mutual interests as a woman and a man in a vanilla sense getting to know each other, unless of course you directed the discussion in another direction or didn't include any of your other interests in your profile. If the latter, you didn't give a sub anything with which to work with, so he had little choice without bombarding you with questions or focusing on his own personal interests. Either way, he had little choice in the matter but to disregard what I've described above.
When you correspond or talk with him, is he straightforward with his answers? If not, ask yourself first why he may not be such. For example, are you the same? If so, he may be reflecting what you are sending out as he'll be looking to you for his signals and cues. When you move to the phone, does it flow natural with him? Does he give you the sense that he's confident in his abilities and masculinity? Is he able to flirt in a way that you like? Can he compliment you and make you feel important without denigrating himself? After all, he might eventually wind up being your sub, but don't you want to be proud when you take him in public to meet with your friends?
You might say, the bottom line is does he make you feel like the attractive and sensuous woman that you believe yourself to be? If not, then it sounds like perhaps, he may have failed to make this round or else he needs further training from you on how to behave in the way that you wish. You'll need to determine for yourself if the desire is there and the chemistry is real if you decide that he's worth meeting in R/T for coffee or such.
As the ladies have said, this is not the time to play with him as potential Mistress and sub, but instead date as a woman and man to determine if his desire is genuine to serve you as his Mistress or not. If you feel it is real, then after a period of time, you can choose whether or not to engage in some play. Remember that he too may need a minimum amount of time to feel as though he knows you well enough that he can trust you with his submission in order to play beyond a certain level of comfort at this time in your relationship with him. I say this because I am that way. For some of us, giving our submission is directly tied to what we feel in terms of love. The more of the former we give the deeper we fall. For me I've learned its not something I can just casually play with whenever I a woman wants.
I hope this helps put more words and specifics into what the others have described in more general terms. As was implied by the others, I suggest you start with your profile and think about what you really want and actually need from the man you'd have as a sub or a slave. At present, your profile tells me nothing about YOU as a person or a woman. The little it does say, I hope is about the persona you wish to convey. Its not a profile that I personally would respond to myself and is the kind I always avoid. When I read profiles like yours, I never know if you're for real or just trying to put out something you think will appeal to a certain kind of submissive male that you'd like to have serving you. In doing so, you've only given men fantasy material to reply to, so I can totally understand your need try and sort through what you've likely received.[sm=brush.gif]
Would you really want a man who is truly less than a doormat? For me, its something I'd never want to be! [:-] I have far more to offer a woman than any doormat you will ever buy at the hardware store! [8|] No doormat will ever give you a footrub or massage like I can. Nor will it ever be able to think for itself about your needs and plan ahead to anticipate them, something you may want to think about before you go to ACO or ACE. [;)]
- pixel
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