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I don't personally see why he is rejecting, what appears to be his impulses personally. It'd probably be easier and healthier in my view, to just accept he likes men sometimes, and stop fighting an internal moral conflict about it. Instead it looks to me like he's grasping for a sexual loophole that will get rid of the pesky label.

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I think that this is just right. However, there was another purpose in opening up here- to try to understand how I like some bits but are deeply repelled by others, having thoroughly experimented and pretty sure its' not self-delusion. 

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ORIGINAL: labsintheriver

I’d really like to ask your advice to help me resolve something which has really worried me for years. In spite of having experimented, I’m still not 100% comfortable with my sexuality. Let me give you the “data” and you can tell me your opinion:

The hetero bit:

I am male, 36 and have had many happy sexual relationships with women in which the sex has been more or less satisfying
I adore curvy, thick-thighed, brown eyed, gobby, intelligent, dominant women
I love the smell, feel, taste of a woman
I love breasts, bums, thighs, kissing, necks, tummies, massage
I love making love to a woman
Both with girlfriends and dommes, I have enjoyed many BDSM things both as sub and dom. I prefer to be sub but like to be dom too.
I love to submit anally to fingers or a strap on
I am a terrible letch- I really do enjoy watching women and love to “check them out.”
I often see women I fancy in public.
I want to get married to a compatible kinky female soulmate/lover/best friend

But….the bi (or maybe even gay?) bit…….

I fancied a few boys at school. I remember being attracted aged 14 to a boy I saw in his swimming trunks. I wanted to play with his bottom and cock. (I did flirt but got nowhere.)
However, I have always liked looking at some gay porn.

I find (some) male cocks & butts attractive.
I find pics of (some) gay BDSM erotic
I find pics of (some) gay sex erotic
There is a narrow range that I find sexy- tends to be muscular, good looking, non-camp, often black, dominant, smooth studs!
Looking at pics of more average men I find most repulsive

In real life, it is VERY RARE for me to see a man who I find attractive. There are just a couple who I’ve ever flirted with.

To test myself out, I have experimented with several of one-off casual encounters with men and a couple of TS’s. In summary:

I loved getting fucked in the butt
I usually find giving oral repulsive (feels dirty, diseased) but occasionally this is overcome by being turned on.
I sometimes enjoy receiving oral from a man, but the look and smell is not “right.”
I am really turned off by the smell, whiskers, hair, maleness of a man. I have to repress this in order to find the more sexy bits attractive.
I enjoyed kissing one ultra sexy man while he jerked me off, but otherwise find it utterly repellent.
The idea of cuddling a man is disgusting
I have a strong gut feeling which puts me off any romantic contact with a man at all. It would just be repulsive. I don’t think that this is psychological repression, I think it’s a genuine feeling.

I don’t want to be gay or bi really, but accept that I am probably a bit Bi.

Does that ring true to you, or could I be more repressed than I realise?

Are there women out there who are compatible sexually (in fantasy/attitude) with me?

Will I be singing show tunes in a travelling circus in 10 years?

Please don’t just say “just be yourself,” “it’s ok so long as your comfortable with yourself,” or “experiment and see,” as I’ve tried all that. I need a little more explanation and personal stories.

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ORIGINAL: labsintheriver

What's the Castro district?