crystalslave
Posts: 9
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
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Learn the following phrases:
Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself!
Yeah? You and what army?
What do I look like, your maid?
This isn't a restaurant, ya know.
In your dreams!
Who died and left you boss?
I don't think so!
Yeah, right!
...Use them as often as possible.
Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play.
If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.
Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass. Then draw a red circle around it. Finish up by putting a slash through the circle. (the international no-spanking zone sign)
In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore.
During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered (like in figure skating or diving)
If your dom/me tells you to 'Look me in the eyes', do it cross-eyed.
If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'
Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword.
When getting flogged, start singing 'This is the song that never ends...'
Learn a language your dom/me doesn't know and then speak only in that language when you are together.
.
Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly. It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your dom/me's face the next time they go to pull your hair.
When your top orders foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.
If you take a message for your top, write it on a post-it and stick it to your ass.
Tell your dom/me a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment.
Only speak in movie quotes.
Send your dom/me an invoice for your services.
After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell 'Gotcha!'
Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.
Ignore your top until he/she utters the magic word.
Starch the floggers.
Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...)
Tell some of the plates they were SAMs today and refuse to wash them until they can behave better.
Move master's personal effects around. Start subtly, gradually work up to the furniture. If he/she notices, act like nothing was every moved.
Draw a tiny spot on his/her chest with a permanent marker. Make it bigger every night while they sleep.
When your dom/me comes home, pretend that you are on the phone, talk in a sultry, sexy voice. After you hang up, say it was his/her mom and she didn't leave any messages.
Whenever your dom/me uses the bathroom, take notes. If they protest, mutter about dominants hiding their trade secrets.
Hide your top's favorite toys. When he/she asks where it is, say you've traded them for a bag of jelly beans.
Bury the toys in shallow graves in the backyard. Blame it on the dog.
Take out restraining orders on the toys you don't like.
Whenever you are dismissed, nod and say, "Then if it is OK with you and Major Healy, I will return to my bottle now, Master."
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are you a SAM ??? - 
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My daughter has this on a Shari Lewis tape, and the number of times I was driven nuts while driving in the car with her "singing" in the back seat. She's 17 now though, and she listens to crappy pop music (I dunno which is worse) 
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