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fiance - 2/21/2005 2:30:53 PM

beheah606

Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline

I am a submissive male that needs to be collared, controlled and owned to make my life complete but my fiance wont do it all of the time any ideas on how to solve my problem

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RE: fiance - 2/21/2005 2:41:44 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Please don't be offended by this.

DO NOT marry him/her untill you've talked this through. Make -sure- that you can be happy with this person and that your needs will be fufilled BEFORE you marry.

Also, when you talk, make SURE you're speaking the same langauge. That is, make sure you aren't just using the same terms. Make sure you're defining them the same way.

If you tell your partner you want to be a slave, let him/her know that "slave" to you means "tied up every night, doing your laundry by hand in the sink, getting hit at least once a week" as opposed to "getting spanked from time to time."

As to how to make your parter do these things, I have no idea. I just know that you NEED to talk about it before making a life-commitment.

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RE: fiance - 2/21/2005 2:51:02 PM

SecretDomme

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/21/2004
Status: offline

If you have seriously discussed your need with your fiance and still feel that she is not able to "make your life complete", then you might want to take a look at what you truly need before entering into a relationship as serious as marriage. You might also look at http://www.femalesuperiority.com/ and check out her section on "Introduce your Wife or Girlfriend to the Female Domination Lifestyle".

Best of luck,
Julie

(in reply to beheah606)

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RE: fiance - 2/21/2005 3:39:04 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Why is she your fiancee if there is such a basic incompatibility? You're setting yourself up to be one of those trolls in 10 years out looking to get his fix because his wife "just doesn't understand him and won't meet his needs." You do have a real problem. You can serve a person without it having a label. You just take care of their every need. But since you want active participation, she needs to be aware and taking control. Have you talked with her about it?

Also, she doesn't have to do it all of the time if she doesn't want to.. If she is doing it some of the time and not others, you are topping from below in trying to get her to do something when she isn't up for it. Since what you profess to want is a relationship that puts her needs first, you ought to consider what she really NEEDS. If she doesn't feel comfortable acting as a Domme, who is it serving to get her to take up the role for you. I'm seeing more and more women get into the Domme role and being unhappily/feeling uncomfortable to satisfy their mates. If you push her into it, she isn't Domming you.. she is subbing to you.

Now, if you do talk with her about it and she loves the idea and takes it as her own, you then have to live with the fact that the woman you love is now a Domme. She will be different. Once she realizes that it is all about HER, you'll be living a different life. This may end up not being something you can turn on or off. Have you ever even served before? If yes, for how long at a stretch? Be very sure of what you want before you drag her into it. An online friend of mine ended up convincing his wife to get into BDSM and Domme him. She was reluctant for a while, but after talking to myself and a few other Domme, she realized it was ok for her to be really enjoying controlling him and the relationship changed drastically. He wasn't ready for it. He had a full blown Domme on his hands and her fantasies didn't match his. They quit doing the things she'd been doing when it was just for him. All of a sudden, his wife was cuckolding him and forcing him bi. He's adjusting slowly. He's also crying that he doesn't know how to make her stop. LMAO

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/21/2005 3:40:12 PM >

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RE: fiance - 2/21/2005 5:28:21 PM

MadameBette

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/8/2004
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

It sounds like you are getting more than most, especially compared to the guys with vanilla SO’s.

I’ve never been in one myself, but from all accounts, maintaining a D/s relationship 24/7 isn’t easy. Just how submissive are you if you can’t respect your fiancee’s need for some ‘time off’?
I’m not trying to put you down, but maybe you need to take a good look at the situation. We all can get caught up in our ‘wants’.

I could be wrong, but it seems like you want ‘submission’ on your terms. That’s topping from the bottom.
If you really want it all the time, put in the effort. Get yourself into the headspace.
Then anything you do can be subservient, even if she’s not around. Make the morning coffee. Do your best at your job ‘for her’. Run those errands that need doing… Or is it only ‘submission’ for you if she puts you in collar and cuffs and keeps you naked?
Who’s going to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table?

Others have advised against moving ahead in your relationship until you’ve thoroughly discussed this with her. I heartily agree.
Do yourselves both a favor. If she’s not really into Domming you, don’t make her. And if she is, then you must kowtow to her and her wishes.
Either way, you need to clearly understand each other’s needs and expectations.

(in reply to beheah606)

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RE: fiance - 2/25/2005 3:41:29 PM

LuvSponge

Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

.... All of a sudden, his wife was cuckolding him and forcing him bi. He's adjusting slowly. He's also crying that he doesn't know how to make her stop. LMAO