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RE: A slave who has a girlfriend - 12/26/2006 6:41:20 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie
jamesthehumanrug sounds like he IS the forsaken slave with the girlfriend and is dnying her significance, wanting only to serve goddess50138.

I first wondered the same but the comment about the photo makes me align with the consensus about the funny cigarettes ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

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Post #: 21

RE: A slave who has a girlfriend - 12/26/2006 7:20:29 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I do not know enough about the situation at hand but the signs are not good. I agree with others who suggested that asking him about the situation in a neutral manner would be best--it would bring to you additional information that would allow you to make the best decision.

To address the question about seeing others in a more general sense and outside of the OPs situation, I think expectations and perpectives are relevant.

For instance, I am unattached. There are, however, women I have met where we keep in touch, or where we are still becoming acquainted. At the moment, I do not consider any of these relationship to have enough compatibility for an exclusive relationship and I am fairly certain of similar expectations from the other side. Thus, I consider myself available and looking.

When I meet someone new, whether or how much I back off from other persons (existing or new ones) depends on how the new introduction evolves. To reach the point of finding promise in the new introduction may take a few emails or it may take a few meetings. Of course, I similarly allow that I am not the only one in the other person's life at the moment.

Parallel processing is more efficient than serial processing, right? ;-)

If I engage in dialogue with someone who has different expectations, there is room for misunderstanding and miscommunication.

In my opinion, it is fair to expect that the other person be unattached. And I think it is pragmatic to expect or allow that the upon initial introduction the other person may be simultaneously considering other possibilities. As the relationship evolves where the question of others becomes relevant, I think it is best to ask in specific terms. That is, I think it is more clear to ask about exclusivity, or whether there are others one is seeing rather than whether one is single since the latter term is broadly interpretted.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to undergroundsea)

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Post #: 22

RE: A slave who has a girlfriend - 12/26/2006 7:40:48 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

This thread also brings thoughts about my perspective about relationship needs.

My emotional wants from a relationship include D/s and traditional aspects. By traditional aspects I mean those that relate to companionship, not sex. My ideal relationship would include D/s dynamics and companionship.

Thus, I see a relationship based on D/s alone as one that is not both long-term and exclusive. It can be short term and exclusive, or it can be long-term and non-exclusive. Otherwise, it would not be consistent with my long-term relationship goals.

I think most things are gray rather than black or white. I take this philosophy to relationships also. That is, I might meet someone with whom there is some connection but not enough for a long-term relationship. I can enjoy the gray, be it for just company and liking each other as persons or for play.

I think most people do seek companionship and to be valued as a partner. If one enters a Mistress-slave relationship that does not provide this emotional want, I think it is fair to consider this want. I think a long-term, exclusive relationship that does not address this want for someone who has this want faces a challenge.

One healthy femdom relationship of which I know is between a woman whose primary partner is a man other than the sub. While her sub is not allowed to play outside their relationship, he is free to explore a possibility that has potential for long-term companionship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie
littlesarbonn, it sounds like she was only trying to assuage her guilt over not being as completely devoted to you as you were to her. Clearly, she then just couldn't handle it when you actually acted on her suggestion.

I agree that is one possibility. I think another reason to encourage a sub to see other women could be to keep a safe distance or keep the sub from becoming too attached, which is known to happen. I wonder here if she felt threatened because the other gal showed interest in his fetish interests and seemed to be someone who could replace the existing relationship. I wonder if she would have responded differently if there was no interest in his BDSM side.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/26/2006 7:46:30 PM >

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

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Post #: 23

RE: A slave who has a girlfriend - 12/30/2006 3:27:54 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings to all

i have not written in some time here but i do understand, i had a very sweet slave but he liked my stlye of dominant but then went found another domme he wanted to have us both i told him no and left him that day i did miss he so but i have to keep muy vlaues i do not share a damn thing candy or my toys ( i am a collector of doll, postage stamp and doll house i painted my one it look great i am also an artist i do portaist i share that ) i could not stand the ideal him coming from her to me . i had a friend years ago and her boyfriend came to her home and he ask for a kiss he has just had oral sex with another woman and did not even bother to wash his mouth or teeth so that made me so ill i was like i will not ever let this happen to me i am not into to that it is bad . but if you in a scene with others this happen but no not for me so i want only one male that is it

mons

(in reply to theRose4U)

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Post #: 24