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RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 11:50:30 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

Our relationship is a year old but I have only been Collared a month. And I havent had a scene as a Collared sub. Do you understand now what I mean?

Are the two of you experimenting in D/s? Just finding the lifestyle?
Regardless communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you are afraid to ask anything at any time, you're in for trouble down the line.

Just ask him what you want to know. The worst that can happen is you will get an answer.

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 21

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 1:19:30 PM

DeLust241

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

I understand what you mean OSS, actually I am preposeing to him to be married in a month when I get the ring, we have played but not a scene or *big deal* scene do you get me? I took his collared bacause after a year I felt that I was ready to be His for sure. Just since I have been collared we havent done anything extra special. Thats what I mean.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 22

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 2:09:23 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Again if you have not played with him why would you take his collar???
You do know a collar is like unto a wedding band don't you?

My goodness, we do like to pick on the young ones don't we?

First of all, a collar is only like a wedding band to those who believe it's like a wedding band, so unless you know her feelings about a collar, presuming that she and her Master believe that is well.. more than a bit presumptuous. Talking down to her is such an interesting way of showing how much you know and how little she knows though, isn't it?

Secondly, let's break this down by the calendar. It's not that difficult. She said she's been with him for a year. and collared for a month. What in the world is the difficulty here?!

By the calendar, in or around December, 2005, they got together. It's now December, 2006. December 2005 to December 2006 would, at least on my calendar, equal a year. During this time - before she accepted his collar - they've been playing - whether it's a long scene or one like you or I might engage in is not really our business.

Sometime in or around November, 2006, he gave her his collar. That puts their collaring at about a month ago. Since receiving said collar, they haven't played.

Since you've likened her collar to a wedding band, is it so difficult to understand that she's wondering when her union with him is going to be "consumated?" Whether she does or doesn't consider her collar to be like a wedding band, the whole idea of consumation is about the most apt analogy I could come up with to help you to understand.

At any rate, been there done that DeLust...it's not easy. Nothing good ever is. Hold tight. It'll be great when you do.

Your Master sounds like he could be my Master's ahhhh... lol... grandson. He's doing exactly the same things my Master has done to me - and we're more than a tad bit older, so your youth has zero, zilch, zippo to do with this. It's just their evil minds we love so much.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/27/2006 2:13:54 PM >

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 23

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 3:09:34 PM

DeLust241

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

Well Thank you very much julietsierra , you made that seem alot clearer then other have been. Now I feel like I have the answer I was looking for. Thank you have a great night.

DeLust Collared Sub.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 24

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 3:47:33 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

Delust, enjoy the anticipation. It is part of what he is doing. I would drop a few hints that you want to have your first scene since recieving your collar and guage his reaction. If he grins, he is doing it intentionally to heighten you for it. I do similar things like this with my girls in the past, I would leave something out on the nightstand and let them know that it will be used on them when I get home. They pratically tackle me when I step in the door :)

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 25

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 3:56:23 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Now it's about his pleasure more than yours since you're collared.

DeLust:

Amazingly, I know it'll come as quite a surprise to you, but not everyone thinks of deferred pleasure to be "about his pleasure" more than yours...

It's about the pleasure you both receive. He's just heightening yours. It's all good, even if for now, it's frustrating.

And it's mostly about control.

Isn't that just deliciously aggravating? Just wait till the tide turns.

Instead of waves of orgasm...just think.. .tsunami.

juliet

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 26

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 5:28:20 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

I am a proud collared sub with a question. I have been collared now for over a month and I have been trying to wait like a good lil girl, But I need to know is it wrong to ask for my first scene??? Or is this something I should bite my tongue and wait for? He knows how much I want it and am waiting for it, what should I do?

Any reply would help.

DeLust, collared sub.

i don't know what kind of agreements you have in place and if asking for what you want/need is something you agreed not to do. Otherwise, i don't know why asking respectfully is a problem. Perhaps a little begging would work.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 27

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/27/2006 5:41:07 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

No you should wait and trust your MASTER ..HE will know when the time is right...WILLIAM

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 28

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/28/2006 3:39:44 AM

katie7

Posts: 59
Joined: 9/16/2006
From: australia
Status: offline

Have a read of a thread I posted a while ago.
I am owned by a Master who was a bit off punishing for a while. luckily I dont have that problem now.
I had plenty of advice to try and get Him in the mood and within a few days of posting all was good.
good luck

http://www.collarchat.com/m.asp?m=709284&mpage=3&key=
"how do get hom to regain his dominence"

_____________________________

"Without my dominace you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different." - My Beloved

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 29

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/28/2006 4:47:14 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

Ok my fear is that if I ask I will only have to wait longer........and man time is a mean mean thing for me.
Any ideas of who to ask for what I want?

DeLust Collared Sub

Being a sub means you have to wait til your Dom says it will be so. You talk to your Dom about your needs.

How refreshing to hear your response. Needs and wants are two different things and sometimes it's difficult for a submissive to differentiate between the two of them. I am of the belief that scening takes place ~ if, when, where, how and how often ~ depending on the pleasures and desires of the Dominant. Nothing turns me off more than having a submissive who is unaware or disregards the difference between needs and wants. For me, that's one of the first things discussed in new relationships.

LBO

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 30

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/28/2006 5:40:18 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

In quick reply to your post i'm afriad ive only skimmed through the replies. Have you thought that maybe he knows how frustrated you are waiting and he is just seeing how far he can push it till you ask for it? Or maybe he just wants the anticipation to be massive ? Though a month is a long time

Im suprised he isnt chomping at the bit to gets his teeth stuck in to you so to speak

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 31

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/28/2006 6:24:03 AM

fantasy69maker

Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

LOL asking a Dom is permisable,fine,allowed .evento be desired.PRESSUREING IS NOT.
Im with a lot of the others there is a disconect here between your profile what you say and what you tell us is reality.

Im inclined to think he is wiser than you may think and is gently easing you into things....at least I hope so

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/28/2006 3:49:53 PM

DeLust241

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

wow thanks to all replies.
Now I have answers to quesrtions I didnt know where there about this but ok.
I have spoken with my Master since and most of you were right but I think some were to quick to jugde us because of our age. Many people on here have given me great advice on many different things and many of them have been 18, and even though I am only 19 they still seem wise about what they are telling me.
I know now when I shall have my scene.YAY. My Master was really surpise at your replys but takes them to heart.

Thanks again and I hope this topic doesnt die down quick so that then next person with this problem has something to go on.

Thanks
DeLust Collared Sub.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 33

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/29/2006 7:28:03 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hope y'all have a blast. Careful where you put the gasoline and polonium. Don't sell the video rights for anything less than $75,000.

Seriously, glad it worked out for ya.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 34

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/29/2006 8:01:52 AM

pinkkeith

Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I think that there are many different definitions what collaring means and you will get different opinons on the subject from sub to sub. For me being collared is a commitment much like the rings that are exchanged during wedding vows, as juliet stated. I think many in the D/s community would agree with this, but not all of us do.

I think you should talk to him about your wants and desires. Communication and honesty is very important in a D/s relationship in order to keep the relationship a safe one. I think that it is a common conception that the sub shouldn't speak, but I don't find this to be true. It is more the manner in which the sub speaks to the dom that is important. Just voice your feelings but keep it respectable.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 35

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 12/29/2006 7:11:02 PM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

that's a rule of mine from now on (after being where you are)

if a Dom cannot preform and yet i have been, then it's not going anywhere.

i need the physical as well as emotional domination!

if he cannot hit me with his hand, a flogger, or use any other tools or just plain doesn't have any, then for me it's a sign of experience or interest in the bdsm world at heart.

talk is talk, i need someone who will walk the talk!

actions speak louder than words and before i ever agree to any sort of commitment to anyone on any level again..., i will see action and not just words.

that is a promise to me and my lifestyle choice, i now hold dear.

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 36

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 1/12/2007 9:00:04 PM

blinkingababy

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

ask respectfully

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 37

RE: Is it wrong to ask for this..... - 1/12/2007 9:06:39 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

Nothing wrong to ask and communicating it to the other. I didn't with my first relationship as I waited for our first actual scene apart from plastic wrapping me to a chair for the fun of it or simple sensation play, but never happened as when I did finally try to bring it up among many other things, to sitdown and just communicate, she flipped and made into some enemy that needs to be banished. Also better to inquire and ask than wait.

-mellian

_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to DeLust241)

Post #: 38

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