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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 10:37:22 AM

farglebargle

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We're talking about the Heartbreak of Psorisis, aren't we?

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 10:38:51 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH

Accurate information is the key to success. Being vague about this mysterious "condition" sets up such an air, and tends to make one's imagination run wild. Personally, I think it would be better to be direct and upfront about it..say this is who I am, and let the person decide what they 'll do with it. Anyone worth an ounce of salt, will take the time to educate themselves, research and ask questions. If they don't..then were they really worth the trouble to begin with?
I know it's a pen name you are using, and I understand your reasoning..but I'm a curious sort...and maybe that makes Me shallow..but I want to know what this condition is.

MMNH

I have had a couple of friends and my own mother, had serious problems with psoriasis. If you look up that condition you will see how this skin disorder is expressed in the worst case scenarios. Most people that have this disorder do not have that severe of a case of it (mine are confined to few splotches on my back and rear end that recently have disappeared completely.. lucky me!). I could be wrong, but I am just guessing that this is the condition that the OP is talking about.

People with severe psoriasis suffer greatly with shame and embarassment often because it looks contagious, can crack and bleed. If the OP has this condition she truly has my sympathies, and there are many treatments for this condition (I am sure she knows that if she has it). More people are becoming more educated about this disorder... and there are photos one can choose from online to depict varying degrees of how it can appear. Also, when a psoriasis outbreak heals it leaves absolutely NO scarring.

But then again I maybe completely off base about what she has.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 10:47:28 AM

Donnalee

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What a difficult thing to face. All the theory in the world doesn't make up for the moment of truth when something big is revealed. I have a relative with genital herpes who has told me all kinds of stories dealing with her revealing it to potential partners. In the end, I've seen that the responses are as varied as the people and situations themselves.....pretty much like many things.

I think I would liken what you're talking about to a man revealing his salary to a lady....many dynamics are in play.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 11:19:47 AM

NeedToUseYou

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I can't really answer because what you think is extremely gross may not be to someone else. I mean I wouldn't much care about psoriasis except in the most extreme of cases, where it would effect the relationship. But if someone had something really strange I don't know, depends really on what it is.

I mean I'm deaf in one ear, I don't go putting that on my profile. Hell my chest looks like a gorilla, and I don't put that up there. But if I had a colostomy bag or something like that I'd probably inform people, or a disease that would probably mean I'd probably not live a normal lifespan. Or one that disabled me for periods of time.

It's your choice really, I don't list the things that I think people would get over pretty quickly, but I'd feel obligated to save myself the disappointment if I thought a condition I had would be important information for people. I mean it's not your decision whether it is important or not it's the other persons decision, and the best a person can do is make a judgement whether the majority of people would want to know.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 3:22:32 PM

windchymes

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Is this thread a pseudonym for another herpes thread?

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 5:24:30 PM

thompsonx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: unendingquestion

i'm really not sure how to ask this... but here goes... if you were interested in someone and then found out that they had a condition/disease that was unsightly, perhaps even gross... but they assured you that it wasnt contageous... would you then cut ties with this person or would you persue the relationship? and furthermore, would you think this person should advise interested parties of this condition up front? yes, this is a pseudonym.
please.. all input would be helpful.
thanks for your time

unendingquestion:
While you do not state what the "condition" is a man with a 18" penis or a woman with 3 breast....an insatiable sexual appatite...or omg you belong to a site like cm...
People who judge you for anything except who you are are not worth knowing. You need to be honest but there is no reason to tell a casual acquaintance your life story.
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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 6:18:29 PM

LTRsubNW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: unendingquestion

i'm really not sure how to ask this... but here goes... if you were interested in someone and then found out that they had a condition/disease that was unsightly, perhaps even gross... but they assured you that it wasnt contageous... would you then cut ties with this person or would you persue the relationship? and furthermore, would you think this person should advise interested parties of this condition up front? yes, this is a pseudonym.
please.. all input would be helpful.
thanks for your time

I had this situation occur.

The details aren't important, necessarily (she was younger than me, wanted to be a significant part of my life...and sincerely, even though we were 18 years apart...I'm very clear she was for real and truly wanted me...not my money. To describe her as a "Babe" would be shorting her) I told her "you can come live here, have your own space, I'll help in all ways....but we can never be sexual...I'm sorry".

She of course went on a rampage and made clear to me I was the ultimate asshole...to which I responded "I can't take that risk...you're young enough to bare children...mine...and they could end up seriously disfigured due to your circumstances...it's basic medical science. It's unfortunate, and, of all things in life, I feel I missed out tremendously on the whole children thing...I'd kill to have a son or a daughter....but...you and I, as a team would put a child at severe risk...I'm not willing to do that to my child".

Would I marry someone who I found in some fashion physically not the worlds ideal? Is that the question?

I'm 48. I was once married to someone who was what any man would dream about, wish was in every magazine they read...walked in front of them whenever they had a sexual urge...because she'd most assuradly give it to you.

And every night as she undressed (long story...email me if you want the short version...and regardless....I still probably won't tell you), I shuddered at the realization that I was stuck with this person for the next 40 some odd years, knowing as stunning as she was....she was truly the ugliest human being I'd ever laid eyes on.

I've known and bedded (sp?) some of the most unbelievable women on the planet. I'm fortunate to be in a position to enjoy many fruits in life.

I can tell you without hesitation...the sexiest women in the world...will never be called for cover work by Elle, or Playboy.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 12/27/2006 6:32:44 PM >

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 8:28:00 PM

unendingquestion

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Been away.. at work (YAY!).... thanks for sharing all who have posted. in answer to the many inquiries as to what the condition is.. well it isnt anything that has been listed... i could share with you what it was, but i really dont think that the exact name would help in the general discussion.. if you have morbid curiousity, however... i understand that, completely... lol...
LTR, im really not sure how what you said answers the main question, mostly because it is not so much the physical aspect as the informational that i am concerned with at this point... im very glad, however that you are able to give someone a fair chance regardless of looks.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/27/2006 10:54:54 PM

CalliopePurple

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The exact name may help us be a little more helpful than simple generalites, unending. And some of the medically trained personnel can help inform the rest of the masses if we don't want to use the powers of Google and Wikipedia to learn more.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/28/2006 6:09:58 PM

unendingquestion

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again, i really dont think that the exact name really applies to the discussion.. however i recognize people have inquiring minds... here is a link that tells about my condition... there are lots more if you're really interested.. just takes a google... be warned, most of the pictures you may find wont be pretty
http://www.skincell.org/hidradenitis_suppurativa.shtml

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/29/2006 9:16:53 PM

unendingquestion

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well i guess the name didnt lend to the discussion after all, thanks again for all your valuable input

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/29/2006 9:58:43 PM

italian4pain

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Unending....that was a conversation stopper wasn't it? That's hard to do on these forums! The description was very clear and frankly anyone who opts to walk away from a potential relationship due to something so.....cosmetic in nature, deserves a kick in the ass on the way out anyway. Yes, you should share it with those you are getting close to - but not everyone deserves to know your personal business.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/30/2006 9:47:13 AM

mastermargarita

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Unendingquestion, I do understand your concerns. I went through a similar situation in high school, but was able to finally get rid of the largest of the problem areas. Now I am in the similar situation as Emporer, I had an accident before thanksgiving in which my left leg was crushed, and I am in the process of healing. I have been told that I will be paritally or totally disabled from that accident. Its very hard to think about being with someone even after it heals cause of that nasty wound......there were always be a permament disfigurement of that limb, cosmetically as well.
In your case, My thoughts are that its whats on the inside of a person whether that makes them beautiful or not. I too have been "lucky" (if you want to call it that...lol) to date a woman that was a model. But her attitudes and her behavior towards people was nasty, and made her, to me at least, very ugly. I agree with LTR that some of most beautiful women in the world will never be in a magazine.
If you would like to talk more, feel free to use my email address to drop me a note.
Take care.
John

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/30/2006 8:36:55 PM

unendingquestion

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thanks italian for the support.. smiles

omg.. i am so sorry to hear that Margarita, Sir.. i hope that things will work out to the best possible outcome for You...
i thank You too, for clearing up what LTR said... i really didnt get it at first.. lol

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/30/2006 8:54:17 PM

FangsNfeet

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Can you handle this disease?

Don't listen to what he says. Reseach this condition yourself with a medical book or two along with talking to a specialist about it.If you can't catch it, that's great.

Now, can you handle him with this condition. It sounds like he has his good days, his bad days, and his UGLY days. Are you able to tolorate him on a day to day 24 hour basis? How does this condition effect him and his attitude? What sacrafices are you looking at if you decide to live together? How life threatening is this condition to him? After all, if you become a couple, how stable are you in handling his death? These are things you need to think about before moving up a step. Look before you leap. Only you have the answer to your question.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/30/2006 9:34:39 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: unendingquestion

i'm really not sure how to ask this... but here goes... if you were interested in someone and then found out that they had a condition/disease that was unsightly, perhaps even gross... but they assured you that it wasnt contageous... would you then cut ties with this person or would you persue the relationship? and furthermore, would you think this person should advise interested parties of this condition up front? yes, this is a pseudonym.
please.. all input would be helpful.
thanks for your time

If the condition was treatable and the person did not take care of themselves..then I'd squick.

If it is something that could not be helped and I truly cared about the person, it wouldn't make any difference.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/30/2006 10:26:37 PM

ZenrageTheKeeper

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Once, when I was working at a local retail store, there happened to be this rather striking young woman who entered the store and when our eyes locked I could not help but be completely entranced by her beautiful brown eyes. I was lost. You could have fired a gun next to me and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. I could see she wouldn't have noticed either.

It wasn't until a few moments (or minutes - i honestly could not tell) later that I happened to notice that the woman had what appeared to be a rather disfiguring skin condition that made her flesh look like raw cookie dough.

It didn't bother me for a moment. If I hadn't been so bound by my own personal convictions to the rules of the store that I was not to fraternize with the customers, I would have dropped to one knee and expressed my intentions of carrying her off right there and then. Alas, after she left the store I never saw her again.

I'd give my left leg to see her again.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/31/2006 1:39:31 AM

notsurebutsweet

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alot of people forget that true beauty comes from the inside out. i work in a hospital and i see alot of different kinds of people come through our doors everyday. some of the men and women who come through lets just say some of the staff have rude comments to make, and when they see who is holding their hand after parking the car their mouths drop. a skin condiation is just that and it can be treated. hun i know in my heart that you will one day find someone who will see the real you and the beauty that you have inside because that will shine through strong then outside looks.

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/31/2006 2:32:15 AM

Bluebird

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I don't know how bad your condition is currently, and if you have ups & downs. But a lot of these type of diseases have outbreaks that can be triggered by stress. I have very severe eczema. When I am angry or depressed or just otherwise stressed, my condition surges and it takes time to get it back under control. If you are feeling rejected or depressed by people's response to your condition, it may actually be making it worse. When I was in the worst of it, I just wanted to hide my skin all the time - and hating my own flesh, I suppose, made it into a downward viscious cycle. I was fortunate to find a doctor who didn't accept the "incurable" status and has actually found me a medicine that works wonderfully even though it is "off label" use (and we had to do a bit of creative writing to get the insurance company to accept it).

Don't give up hope - even if it is an "orphan" disease that is not being researched routinely, try to find a good immunologist (and perhaps a dietician) as well as a dermatologist. A lot of these syndromes have basis in fungal and bacterial interactions - so taking keflex can actually make the symptoms worse even though the infections themselves clear up. And something like yoga or self-hypnosis can help you with visualizations and inner calming, which can assist in the healing process.

I personally would not put information about the disease in your profile, although I would definitely disclose it when you are getting to the "let's meet" stage. Hopefully by that point, you have begun to know the person well enough to forsee what his/her reaction will be, and if they like you for your personality, something along these lines should be less of an issue. As far as play, I would be concerned (as a partner) for fluid contact, or hurting you - depending on where your lesions are, perhaps spanking would be out, for example. But pretty much any condition can be worked with safely, if the desire is there and precautions are taken.

Is it "logical" for people to react negatively to the condition? Well, sure, to the extent that we perceive symmetry as attractive and biologically we want to mate with the best partner to carry on our genes. But as humans, we also value personality, friendship, intelligence, humor, etc - we are not just rutting elk. So seek out those who value your humanness - you would be happier in the long term with that type of partner anyway!

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RE: A rather touchy question - 12/31/2006 2:43:01 AM

unendingquestion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bluebird

I don't know how bad your condition is currently, and if you have ups & downs. But a lot of these type of diseases have outbreaks that can be triggered by stress. ...I also have diabetes and depression, which i've read goes hand in hand a lot of the time with this thing... When I am angry or depressed or just otherwise stressed, my condition surges and it takes time to get it back under control. If you are feeling rejected or depressed by people's response to your condition, it may actually be making it worse. When I was in the worst of it, I just wanted to hide my skin all the time - and hating my own flesh, I suppose, made it into a downward viscious cycle. exactly!! I was fortunate to find a doctor who didn't accept the "incurable" status and has actually found me a medicine that works wonderfully even though it is "off label" use (and we had to do a bit of creative writing to get the insurance company to accept it). I do not have insurance, though i have been to a dermatologist, before - when i did... and what the Accutane they prescribed did little to help the situation... antibiotics also do a number on my system and cause other problems that are just as hard to get under control.

Is it "logical" for people to react negatively to the condition? Well, sure, to the extent that we perceive symmetry as attractive and biologically we want to mate with the best partner to carry on our genes. But as humans, we also value personality, friendship, intelligence, humor, etc - we are not just rutting elk. LMFAO! So seek out those who value your humanness - you would be happier in the long term with that type of partner anyway!