Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006 From: Portland, OR Status: offline
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Great advice already. There's nothing against the spirit of Poly (from a non-poly perspective), nor abusive in your expectations. Together, the three of you set some boundaries and rules. You all established what was ok in the first place. That the old clothing isn't fitting anymore isn't a flaw or fault: in fact if they had still fit after so long, then I'd say something was wrong. Long distance relationships are extremely painful. I've been through a couple that spanned over a year, and I will absolutely never do it again - gretchen and I have agreed if we expect to be split for more than three months, we both reserve the right to call an end to it (obviously, situation and circumstances will have to be a factor.) If the distance issue isn't likely to change in the very near future, that would have a strong influence on my feelings. A suggestion: None of this is an issue of fault, anymore than if the washing machine dies, and you just don't have the cash to buy another one. Not assigning blame doesn't make your clothes any cleaner, though. Take a day or two, and try to decide what you want out of the relationship - both between you and your primary, and from you and the third. Suggest they each do the same. Make a list and some ideas, even: preferably in writing, so everyone can pass their feelings on to the person on the left without worrying that any one person's feelings will trump the others (this could be done by email.) With your position, and theirs firmly in hand, you'll all know better where to take what you have. Hope it all works out for you. Stephan
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Nosce Te Ipsum "The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer Men: Find a Woman here
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