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ORIGINAL: YveGee

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

To me, long-term isn't so much a time period as an expectation that it will be for life. The expectation is also that all parties will work on maintaining it for as long as it is healthy and beneficial for everyone.

Stuff happpens in life, so I wouldn't classify so much by time as I would be the positives and negatives. I owned one slave for 18 months until he got a better job and decided to move. Clearly our relationship benefits didn't outweigh the crappiness of his job. So while I wouldn't say it was a successful relationship in terms of being "long-term" it was successful in that we both got positives things from it and I can't think of a negative we got from it; I remember him fondly and we are still friends though not close after a few years apart.

However I've also had a slave for a similar amount of time but that relationship crashed and burned -- it was not successful because I have difficulty even now (8 years later) seeing more positives than negatives. Yeah, it taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted but I could have done without the negatives and lies I uncovered. I am glad that we didn't last longer than we did because it would have made the crash much worse.

I've lost two subs to jobs in other states. To me, this signalled that they weren't as committed to me and our relationship as they'd claimed because I'd never think of doing the same thing to someone I was committed to.

I'd rather fail at one 8-year relationship than at 8 one-year relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: YveGee


I've just had an epiphany of sorts and I'd like the input of others.

I've only been using the Internet for two years to find submissives. Previous to that, I found my subs through friends and real-life networking. I've never been interested in short-term relationships; they aren't meaningful enough for me. When I'm searching for a new sub, I highlight that I'm only interested in long-term relationships.

All my bdsm relationships (prior to the internet) lasted at least 4 years (with some of those relationships overlapping but my subs have all enjoyed being part of a "stable" -- that's a whole 'nother story!). None of the recent relationships (with subs found on the internet) have lasted longer than 18 months.

It's occurred to me that maybe my definition of "long-term" is all wrong for the Internet age. To me, "long-term" means several years with an eye towards lifetime.

What does "long-term" mean to you?

Thanks for your input!

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ORIGINAL: YveGee
It's occurred to me that maybe my definition of "long-term" is all wrong for the Internet age. To me, "long-term" means several years with an eye towards lifetime.

What does "long-term" mean to you?

Thanks for your input!

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
Long term to me means at least five years together in real life starting from the first real life face to face date/meeting.
C~

We both agreed he'd release me on my birthday.

Right now, today, I have precisely 54 years, 3 months and a day to go.

The birthday is my 102nd.

I told him that since it was obvious he wasn't in this for the long term, that he'd have to at least promise to be here to release me. That means, from right now, today, at that point, he'd be one month and 2 days into his 111th year. He agreed. I'm holding him to it.

And since day one, we've both claimed and lived by the idea that this is very definitely a long term relationship - whether that was one day or 99 years.

How long it actually lasts - well, I'm thinking that's up to the universe, God's plan for us, and the viability of our health insurance.

But boy oh boy! Those young whippersnappers at the nursing home better watch out when I reach 102!!!

HA! The ultimate submissive's revenge...with him at 111 and me at 102, there's no way he's going to be able to trade me in on two 60s.

I tell ya, I'm set!

juliet

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ORIGINAL: julietsierra

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ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs


Long term to me means at least five years together in real life starting from the first real life face to face date/meeting.

C~

Well, using this as a criteria, either I'm in a long term relationship (we met, face to face, two years prior to when we finally got together to become what we are today) or I'm not yet. (we're working on our 4th year together, it'll be 3 collared on April 3rd.)

So, what works better for me is the fact that when we finally did get together and knew we were going to be together longer than the next date, but before I was collared, we agreed, in advance, on a release date.

Yep...

We both agreed he'd release me on my birthday.

Right now, today, I have precisely 54 years, 3 months and a day to go.

The birthday is my 102nd.

I told him that since it was obvious he wasn't in this for the long term, that he'd have to at least promise to be here to release me. That means, from right now, today, at that point, he'd be one month and 2 days into his 111th year. He agreed. I'm holding him to it.

And since day one, we've both claimed and lived by the idea that this is very definitely a long term relationship - whether that was one day or 99 years.

How long it actually lasts - well, I'm thinking that's up to the universe, God's plan for us, and the viability of our health insurance.

But boy oh boy! Those young whippersnappers at the nursing home better watch out when I reach 102!!!

HA! The ultimate submissive's revenge...with him at 111 and me at 102, there's no way he's going to be able to trade me in on two 60s.

I tell ya, I'm set!

juliet

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If you did your best, then you did not fail, the relationship just was not meant to be for longer then it was.

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ORIGINAL: MsOpal
to me / us long term has no finite end, it is begun in the hope that it will last.

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ORIGINAL: MzMia

Now THIS is what I am talking about!
I hope we are in the same nursing home!
We can have a Ds section, LOL

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ORIGINAL: YveGee

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ORIGINAL: LadySashayy

I don't think the Internet has changed that any. Long-term still means a commitment of sorts that is grounded in the possibility that the commitment could be lifetime and that this is the intent of the commitment.

Oh, I like this definition! It covers all the bases I'm looking for. There's a difference between "dating around" or "dating for fun" and "dating with intent." I've never been good at dating around; it's not a comfortable fit for my personality.

I don't intend that a long-term relationship is required to be lifelong but that the parties involved are willing to work in that direction.

Thanks a bunch, LadySashayy!

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Here's an idea. How about entering into a relationship without the baggage/expectation set of focal points like "long term", "short term" or anything of the kind?

How about focusing on what (and who) stands immediately before you and engaging as openly and deeply as you care to, day by day?

And then, you know, seeing what happens?

After some arbitrary interval of time has passed (any arbitrary interval you might want to choose) you can look around and see what this once-new person now means to you and what you mean to him or her. You can even get out your spray paint and stencils and apply some sort of categorization to it, if that's your fetish.

There are a few special people in this world to whom I can say with all frankness and modesty: "I already love you forever," though not each of them is near enough at hand for this to happen face-to-face. That--for me, regardless of what unforeseen events life may throw at or between us--is about the only kind of defining of "long term" that seems worth bothering with. And it isn't really a matter of defining then after all. It is a recognition, I think.

Thank you for sharing your epiphany.