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Najakcharmer -> RE: How do you feel about Gor? (1/2/2007 7:27:07 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
This girl did not mean respect by station alone. However, You are familiar enough with Gor to understand what she meant.She should have titled to 'Mistress'. Seems now she needs to apologize for improper wording.[&:]
Hi Fyre. While I respect that your D/s relationship has you following certain rules, not everyone outside a Gorean forum wants to be addressed as Master or Mistress by subs or slaves who don't belong to them. So I wouldn't agree that it is "proper" in a social sense to do that. Basically if you wouldn't do it to the librarian or the bank teller, it might not be a good idea to do it to random dude or dudette on a BDSM forum, because their consent cannot be assumed. Mostly you risk annoying people on a BDSM forum if you use "slave speak" directly at them, just as it would if you were to do it with folks who aren't in the scene at all. We generally prefer to just talk plainly and not make distinctions based on roles when we are just talking casually to strangers.
Your personal preferences may vary of course, but it's probably a good thing to remember the adage about doing as the Romans do when in Rome. If you bow in America or grab people's hands for shaking in Japan, people tend to look at you funny, and socializing doesn't go nearly as smoothly. It's up to your Master of course, but may I ask you to convey this to him and ask for his perspective on the subject?
The short form explanation of why I personally feel uncomfortable with open displays of submission from subs or slaves who don't belong to me is that it triggers reactions in me that are inappropriate with strangers. Specifically, if I accept someone's submission I become responsible for their safety and well being at least in that time and place, and I don't consent to accept that responsibility for people I don't know. It also reminds me of some bad experiences with very rude HNG's who literally drooled on my shoes and used me as a nonconsenting fetish object for their fantasies. Other people's reasons for being uncomfortable with submission from strangers may vary, but might also include the feeling that D/s is something deeply intimate, personal, sexual and special to them, and something they wish to reserve for their private relationships.
Thanks for your understanding. I'm sorry that what I'm reading as your real and sincere attempt at courtesy seems to be going misunderstood.
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