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For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 6:47:21 AM

tramplemenc

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And they are so True..lol

Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat
1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw or nose-print in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)

3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. (Trust me, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.

8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was wrong when you did it.

9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal for you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting hairball in history.

10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet(s) better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech-challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, and don't worry about the latest fashions.

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tramplemenc

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 2:57:26 PM

fencerpet19

Posts: 169
Joined: 2/7/2005
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Hahaha! Great post! Wish my cat had read it lol.

Since I was usually the first one home during the day I was unfortunately the one put in charge of hairball pickup. There would always be at least 3, and they blended in so nicely with the tan carpet that you wouldn't notice them until you stepped on one

We can train cats to use a litter box, but wouldn't it be so much nicer if they could also learn to wipe themselves properly. Streaks on the floor are not the nicest thing to come home to!

Thanks for the laughs!
~FP

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 3:02:37 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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quote:

We can train cats to use a litter box, but wouldn't it be so much nicer if they could also learn to wipe themselves properly. Streaks on the floor are not the nicest thing to come home to!

One of our cats loves to stand in the box and poop on the floor next to it.

Everything in the OP's post is so true! LOL

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 3:45:25 PM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I loved the whole post but this stood out especially. When I upgraded to King size I mistakenly thought I was going to have so much more room!

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 6:05:57 PM

sweetnygirl

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For me #6 of the Pet Rules hits home the most, my cats throw themselves at the door & cry & whine if i don't let them in Of course once they're in they want to be out.
All of the Rules for Pet Owners are 100% correct. i also tell people if you don't like my cats leave, they were here first.

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 7:12:50 PM

MadameDahlia

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Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tramplemenc

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, and don't worry about the latest fashions.

Last but not least... if they get knocked up you can sell the results!

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Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 9:52:02 PM

Darthbetta

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My "kitties" know better.

the get what they are tossed AFTER master is done

no complaints thus far .

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 11:17:50 PM

rain

Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
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hmm, do these rules apply to HUMAN pups & kitties?? ; )

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/25/2005 11:34:04 PM

proudsub

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quote:

hmm, do these rules apply to HUMAN pups & kitties?? ; )

Ahhh are you still enjoying your role as a pup rain? Well if you want to be realistic they should apply until your Master trains you otherwise. I would love to see you wimper after you've peed on the carpet.

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/26/2005 1:50:36 AM

Alana

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From: Florida
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lol....great post tramplemenc i pets need to raed it as well. Proudsub, i do not understand why cats will do that, my female does the samething

Alana

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/26/2005 8:07:42 PM

rain

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"I would love to see you wimper after you've peed on the carpet."

Thanks proudsub...wise guy ; )

And just so you know, my puppy profile is as follows, my name is Shugs, short for Meshugana=troubled/crazy in Yiddish. I'm a Cairn Terrier and only 3 1/2 months old.

I love to play, cuddle, and steal toys from other pups!

Haven't decided if I'm potty trained or not...

also, I'm without a trainer or Master. A local trainer here though is looking to enter me into a puppy competition in the fall, haven't made up my mind as to whether I want to take it that far yet, but we shall see.

cheers!

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RE: For People with Pets - 2/26/2005 9:16:06 PM

proudsub

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quote:

And just so you know, my puppy profile is as follows, my name is Shugs, short for Meshugana=troubled/crazy in Yiddish. I'm a Cairn Terrier and only 3 1/2 months old.

Ahhh you sound so cute

.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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