iFraudius
Posts: 18
Joined: 5/16/2006
Status: offline
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I was a switch before I even had any contact with the "outside world" of D/S BDSM (and I'm going back to TES a year or two after it was formed). But it wasn't until I began to associate with organized groups, in person or on the 'Net, that it dawned on me there was something people would regard as, "fake, unstable, undecided, fraudulent, or greedy" about expressing the two orientations and the unseen to them, but obvious to me, internal integration between them.
To my thinking, it was another example of the small-mindedness which occurs when people get together in groups and exhibit the limitations their insecurities impose on them, a phenomenon that has always fascinated me, in all institutional settings. Upon further reflection, I think that so many people are conflicted in their exploration of what's a generally unacceptable orientation (either dominant or submissive and many kinks in-between) that when they finally find a place they are accepted, they don't want to rock the boat and they do want to express that identity in a very "definite" way.
The irony inherent here is that while allowing for modes of personal expression outside the mainstream, many venues of that expression were just as constricting and prejudiced in their own way, aided by peer pressure, the chest thumping righteousness (in my mind, insecurity) of ubber dominants and submissives. The reluctance of those who might otherwise have been far more capable of defending themselves and the switch orientation, resulted from fear of alienating the small number of potential partners they finally had found.
This situation changed gradually, and at different rates in dfferent areas. I remember a switch who came to Seattle from the Phoenix area about 8 years ago telling me that she was amazed at the amount of predjudice she encountered here towards switches. She said that in the 1200 member group she was a part of in AZ, switches were generally regarded as somewhat more enlightened (I'll go with possibly more empathetic, I don't know that constitutes enlightenment).
Today, switches like myself have decided that there's nothing to be gained by concealing our potential for either orientation and that's both a component of a widening public discussion and simply the desire to know that regardless of the predjudices we may still experience, those who do appreciate and relate to us do so because they really know who we are. In doing so, I've found more and better relationships, along with a significant increase in potential partners who have told me that they not only appreciate my rather forthright thoughts but that they too, are actually switches.
I've also found a far better delination of my own orientation in the experiences and discurssions I've had. I'm an alpha personality who thrives on service, reverts to a core preference of submission when I determine I'm dealing with a trustworthy partner who is worthy of it and can thoroughly enjoy dominance when a submissive triggers that desire in me (or a dominant wants to be topped). I never look at a dominant who regards herself as always being that way as a submissive, but I can wonder if a submissive has the potential to be dominant. I can see myself in a long term relationship with a dominant or switch, but not exclusively with a submissive.
By both the declaration and further exploration of my switchable nature, I've gained and so has any potential partner.
< Message edited by iFraudius -- 2/22/2007 5:18:41 PM >
_____________________________
"I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned. When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned." - Leonard Cohen
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Are we gaining? - 
Profile
RE: Are we gaining? - 
sorry my sense of humour.......giggles 
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