Advice Help Something (Full Version)

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GothicDomm -> Advice Help Something (1/10/2007 12:52:24 PM)

I am a 'new' Dom, in that I have met a submissive who introduced me to the lifestyle, and helped me uncover the feelings and the "Dom" inside me,technicaly she is not my sub(yet) things were going great,and we care very much for each other but I feel like my inexperiance is turning her away,and it is hard /very conflicting for her to "train" me how to be a Dom because of her posistion as a sub, unfourtantly in the area I live in there are no other Dom's I can work with(I am moveing to the city she lives in next month) to be closer to her and to start my life over, we have met face to face several times in the last 7 months  but I feel I am 'loseing" her     any advice? suggestions, comments



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Advice Help Something (1/10/2007 1:03:19 PM)

Get out into your local community. Watch other people and how they interact with each other. When you see something you like, ask the Dominant about it. Most are happy to share.

Sit down and really THINK about what you want in the relationship. You're allowed to be self-centered and selfish, but temper that against reality.

Talk to her and ask her to list what SHE wants...then do your own research into how to make that happen (lots of things on the net and in non-fiction books)...but make it clear that you will make it happen YOUR way.

And, stick around and ask more specific questions. We're better at specifics. ;-)

Master Fire



subsnow -> RE: Advice Help Something (1/10/2007 3:10:24 PM)

Do some research. i have done LOTS of research and it definately helped me figure out what my place is as a submissive. i would recommend the site http://submissiveloving.com/. It has lots of helpful information. i would also suggest talking to other Doms on here. Take the things that You like from what You learn and forget the rest. Good luck and have fun.



obis -> RE: Advice Help Something (1/10/2007 3:14:47 PM)

I remember one thing that made a big difference for me when I was starting out was to ask her for her opinion/ideas etc, but don't implement them right away. Yes, you're learning and she knows more than you do, so that puts her in the position of feeling like she's telling you what to do. Make sure that everything you do is done from the standpoint of you CHOOSING to do it, regardless of where the idea came from. It's a subtle distinction, but one that makes a lot of psychological difference. Just waiting a little bit before doing something makes clear that you'll do it when YOU want to do it, not when she tells you.

And of course try to get as many ideas from her at once, forcing her to be explicit. Remember those ideas and draw from them in the future, which will still allow you the element of surprise and control despite doing exactly what she asked for. I'd never do EXACTLY what she asked for, either -- always change something up, having her get confident that she thinks she knows what you're doing and then going in a different direction is another good use of control and surprise.



goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Advice Help Something (1/11/2007 4:20:12 PM)

Might i suggest a reflective blog or journal? She can express what works, doesn't work, hopes, fears, topics assigned by you, etc. Gives her a medium to say what she's thinking without directly threatening your dominance, as it's all about her and not about you. Plus, the added benefit of knowing exactly what's on her mind, how she thinks and reacts. i agree with obis, get lots of ideas and store them for a rainy day.... maybe it'll pour once in awhile.



MagiksSlave -> RE: Advice Help Something (1/11/2007 4:26:08 PM)

talk to her!!

Magik's slave



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