quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not dominating to inform someone of your feelings and desires, or to make requests.  I understand that thought process which leads you to that conclusion, but it's a false path.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

Actually, I was referring to the mindset of your Dom.

Has he indicated clearly whether this level of control over you is something he wants or is capable of?   Have the two of you discussed ways to at least provide you with an outlet for these desires you have?

- What about him providing you with such control only for a specified time? The schedule could be as lax as you wish. Anything from an hour a day to 2 hours twice a week... whatever. The point would be he would not have to provide the control constantly, but you would at least get some gratification of the need in you.

- What about going to a club or party locally where you could possibly find another to help you with this? What about bringing in a Dom once in a while to micro-manage you for a few hours? As much as I personally detest online D/s M/s "cyber" relationships, perhaps this is a case where one would satisfy your desire. With cams and voice, you could have a Dom issue you commands for a few hours now and then.

An aspect of your problem appears to be an ongoing difficulty finding a mutually satisfactory compramise on this with yoru Dom. While I understand that the appropriate mindset for you should come from a desire to please and accomodate your Dom, I also feel this issue is too personal and critical to your happiness to be ignored. It is a contract level issue, meaning one I would expect to be addressed during the initial negotiation of the D/s or M/s dynamic between you. Such issues must be reviewed and revisited on a recurring basis in any serious, love, D/s relationship.

In short, the two of you aught to be able to deal with this. The solution should come from the two of you, and there SHOULD BE A SOLUTION. This should not go unaddressed.

If you feel uncomfortable asking to be controleed in the way your Dom suggested, perhaps a discussion of the nature of the power exchange dynamic is the best idea. Ask him to define how he sees it. You do the same. If the power exchange dynamic is a real, important part of your relationship, you should not let this matter fester.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I can't help but think of Celeste's (BitaTruble) thread which was about letting go of your vision/view of what submission should be and embracing the dominants (Celeste please feel free to correct me if that synopsis is incorrect) and in fact the main quote I remember from her post that really sticks out in reading this thread is:

For me, submission isn't about hanging on to every word which comes out of a dominants mouth ... it's about letting go of what I 'think' should be coming out of their mouth.

I don't know if you saw her post/thread but it may be worth reading through at:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_769943/tm.htm

C~

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I can't help but think of Celeste's (BitaTruble) thread which was about letting go of your vision/view of what submission should be and embracing the dominants (Celeste please feel free to correct me if that synopsis is incorrect) and in fact the main quote I remember from her post that really sticks out in reading this thread is:

For me, submission isn't about hanging on to every word which comes out of a dominants mouth ... it's about letting go of what I 'think' should be coming out of their mouth.

I don't know if you saw her post/thread but it may be worth reading through at:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_769943/tm.htm

C~

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I can't help but think of Celeste's (BitaTruble) thread which was about letting go of your vision/view of what submission should be and embracing the dominants (Celeste please feel free to correct me if that synopsis is incorrect) and in fact the main quote I remember from her post that really sticks out in reading this thread is:

For me, submission isn't about hanging on to every word which comes out of a dominants mouth ... it's about letting go of what I 'think' should be coming out of their mouth.

I don't know if you saw her post/thread but it may be worth reading through at:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_769943/tm.htm

C~

Speaking from the dominant side...I like this view.  I find it similar in expression to my own idea of "once you decide to submit to someone, that means you yield to THEIR control.  That's why, before you ever decide to submit to one, that you do what you can to ensure that THEIR control from their view and not yours, is what you want.  In other, simpler words (putting on my flame suit):  You agreed to submit and agreed to my control of your submission.  Now...do so."

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Speaking from the dominant side...I like this view.  I find it similar in expression to my own idea of "once you decide to submit to someone, that means you yield to THEIR control.  That's why, before you ever decide to submit to one, that you do what you can to ensure that THEIR control from their view and not yours, is what you want.  In other, simpler words (putting on my flame suit):  You agreed to submit and agreed to my control of your submission.  Now...do so."

Very well put CD! 

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Speaking from the dominant side...I like this view.  I find it similar in expression to my own idea of "once you decide to submit to someone, that means you yield to THEIR control.  That's why, before you ever decide to submit to one, that you do what you can to ensure that THEIR control from their view and not yours, is what you want.  In other, simpler words (putting on my flame suit):  You agreed to submit and agreed to my control of your submission.  Now...do so."