RE: Effects on being outed on your career

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RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 11:10:15 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

In the past this question has been posed many times. It generally degenerates into the "who's real and who's not" arguments. Those who are "real" argue that anyone who is truly in this lifestyle would proudly show their pictures. Hmmm.....many of us are not able to show our pictures, give names or identifying information because we would not be able to do our work or live our lives if others were aware.

While it may be illegal to fire someone for their sexual preferences, there is always something else one can be fired for. I work for the Board of Trustees. I wonder what their collective biases would be should they find out. And once they find out.....hmmmm....next review I'd be gone....or before.

No thank you. I have a Dominant. I'm not looking. I'm just here for the great conversations and frankly....I need my job.

Sunshine

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to JustUsTwo)

Post #: 21

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 11:59:53 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I have learned a great deal already with the responses, thank you. My curiosity is not so much people’s reasons in general but more if the reason to be afraid of being outed is really job threatening or just fear of the unknown when people use that as their main reason. I still do not consider myself out and have a none of your business attitude about it, but I was just curious if there was a difference when people talk about not being out because of their job or community.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 22

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 2:12:42 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I'm not too worried about it to be honest. Yes, I know the potential is there and yes, I have given it alot of consideration. Not so much with work, that I don't care about, but with family.

Recent events within my family did lead me to delay meeting with several young women though. I did not want to do anything to jeopardize a custody issue.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 23

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 2:24:36 PM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i'm fortunate to be working in a place where i don't have to fear about being outed. working for an internet radio station, mostly everyone knows about my sexual kinks and interests. we have djs and hosts as well as interns kinkier than me ...oh the things i could tell you about what goes on over there. we used to have a weekly sex talk show which would sometimes devoted its topic of the night to BDSM, bondage etc - even had a Mistress visit the station to talk about her lifestyle and "train" one of the co-hosts.

< Message edited by mymasterssub69 -- 1/15/2007 2:25:05 PM >

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 24

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 3:21:47 PM

WayHome

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

For some of us it really is that big of a deal.

I used to be a massage therapist. I worked with hippies who would not by any stretch of the imagination understand power exchange (anti-establishment, anti-oppression...) then later I worked with doctors and PTs who would be even less understanding (healthy mind, healthy body, etc....).

Now what if my clientelle found out? It's hard enough as a man to establish trust and asure patients and potential patients that my motives are pure and it's safe to be naked in a room alone with me without them knowing my personal life....
Now I have a new and different career, and it would be even worse in this one. It's one thing to lose a job; inconvenient but not insurmountable. Losing your licence and your whole career is another thing entirely. Short of such tragedy, knowledge of this sort of thing simply adds one more dic roll in the crapshoot that is today's paranoia induced harrassment environment.

Family does also play a part. it would kill my mom. She would be fine if I were gay, or even a polygamist (she had her own stint on the commune back in the day) but revelling in inequality? That would kill her. On top of that she is now on a religious bent. We are in a spiritual war over dominion of the earth. If you believed that, which side would it look like we were fighting for?

Then there is that ambiguous "community dignity" thing. My wife and I are minor public figures of sorts. There are people all over the country we've never met that know our names and faces. It's not like we'd be on the cover of the Enquiror or anything, but we would definitely suffer some public shame.

So pick your reason, any one of the three would be sufficient.

Leto

(in reply to mymasterssub69)

Post #: 25

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 3:33:25 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

There is another thing that I didn't see brought up in here (or maybe I overlooked it) and that is in many parts of the country, BDSM is illegal. Not only can Y/you get fired, Y/you can get put in jail, have Y/your children taken away from Y/you etc...
Even if Y/you don't live in one of those areas, there are sooo many uneducated people when it comes to D/s BDSM and just plain idiots that is just isn't worth the hassle.
Cordially,
minxy

(in reply to WayHome)

Post #: 26

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 3:45:23 PM

leelahleelahlee

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/7/2006
Status: offline

There is benign and malignant outing.

Benign outing is when it accidentally slips out - maybe a friend visiting at work says something a little too loudly about a play party or some personal item that was meant to be hidden in a purse is exposed and someone comments on it.

Malignant outing is when an enemy uses information about you to deliberately try to make you lose your job - like send emails to everyone at work claiming you are offering discount services as proDomme or that you want so and so to piss on you in the bathroom at lunchtime.

The first might be laughed off.

The second will more than likely completely destroy your career and reputation, probably no matter what your job is.

Unfortunately, the distortions inherint in the malignant form are more likely to be taken at face value than the truths of an innocent slip of the tongue.

(in reply to MasterGremlin)

Post #: 27

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 3:52:11 PM

rapunzel2

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline

Then there is outing that is used to control and blackmail. I had an ex who did that...it was a nightmare until I finally decided that the reality of being outed would be better than living with the fear of being outed. Turns out he was just being a bully, and when I stopped being intimidated by the threats, he just went away.

(in reply to leelahleelahlee)

Post #: 28

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 4:09:35 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

I think losing my job would be a real possibility if I were outed at work. I work for a very conservative company in the bible belt, and many of my co-workers are extreme religious zealots who would be horrified if they knew what I did. While I don't know if I could be fired specifically for being in the lifestyle, Texas is a "right to work" state with weak employee protection, so I could be let go without a reason (or they could find one). Frankly, it just isn't worth it to me to run the risk of having a photo with my profile. If a sub is interested in me, I will gladly provide a picture of myself if he provides one of himself first (so I can be assured that I do not know him in the vanilla world--and yes, this has happened!) I realize that people without photos get far fewer responses, but I am happy with the number of responses I get. Some people have told me that I am paranoid, but I really don't care. Ultimately, I am the one who suffers the consequences of my actions, not the people labelling me as overly paranoid.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 29

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 4:36:57 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

In the past this question has been posed many times. It generally degenerates into the "who's real and who's not" arguments. Those who are "real" argue that anyone who is truly in this lifestyle would proudly show their pictures. Hmmm.....many of us are not able to show our pictures, give names or identifying information because we would not be able to do our work or live our lives if others were aware.

While it may be illegal to fire someone for their sexual preferences, there is always something else one can be fired for. I work for the Board of Trustees. I wonder what their collective biases would be should they find out. And once they find out.....hmmmm....next review I'd be gone....or before.

No thank you. I have a Dominant. I'm not looking. I'm just here for the great conversations and frankly....I need my job.

Sunshine

I agree with you completely, Sunshine. Right now, one sub to train is enough...along with the rest of my life. I'm not looking (actively) so why bother with a picture.
Mistress Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 30

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 4:55:58 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

I dont fear losing my job as much as I fear my UMs being shunned because of choices I made. UMs have enough obstacle to over come in todays world they dont need one more placed in thier way because I decided to post a picture.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 31

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 6:02:08 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

I never gave any thought to being outed. I was, quite innocently, about 2 years ago but thankfully my boss and co-workers think it's a hoot, kid me about it on occasion and have never looked down on me. Now, being outed to my mother would be another matter altogether ... don't want even want to think about the hell I would go through should that happen.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Post #: 32

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 6:24:24 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I agree. Why do we think we must be open about our kink to society at large? I don't need to know their business, they don't need to know mine.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Depends on how tight knit your comunity is. For some it is better to stay closeted. What purpose would it serve for to to come out in a vanilla community anyway.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 33

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 6:29:02 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Hello, my name is Ron and I like to beat the shit outta women and get my dick sucked. I tie them up and fuck with their heads---

Hello, my name is Ruth and I am your mother, I changed your diapers when you were young and I remember this one time, YOU---- (see where this is going? Family reunion, shit like that?)

I know you all FEEL and gotta share this, makes you feel whole and all that, how about telling god when you are in there taking a shit?

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 34

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 6:33:22 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

People have many reasons to keep this private. They might be parents of minor children. They might be teachers, business owners, politcians or librarians. They may have morality clauses in their employee contracts. They may have vengeful family members, or gossipy neighbors. They may just not think it is anyones business what they do.
The point is they choose to remain private until they feel safe to reveal who they are to someone who matters.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 35

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 6:37:15 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

People have many reasons to keep this private. They might be parents of minor children. They might be teachers, business owners, politcians or librarians. They may have morality clauses in their employee contracts. They may have vengeful family members, or gossipy neighbors. They may just not think it is anyones business what they do.
The point is they choose to remain private until they feel safe to reveal who they are to someone who matters.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
Kyst

This is common sense, thanks for explaining it so well.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 36

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 8:42:52 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Does this mean that if I am outed to enjoying tying up women in cheerleader outfits, spanking them silly, and then butt-raping them, I wont be able to be a mindless simian unloading ships?

~runs around in a panic screaming~

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 37

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:11:20 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Dang it. Now I am hot and bothered.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Hello, my name is Ron and I like to beat the shit outta women and get my dick sucked. I tie them up and fuck with their heads---

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 38

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:28:31 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

I was actually outted by a girlfriend of an ex partner..luckily my boss already knew of my kink (which I didn't know until this incident). Fortunately the situation was handled quietly..in my line of work, it could have been career ending..

< Message edited by michaels4evr -- 1/15/2007 10:29:12 PM >

(in reply to JustUsTwo)

Post #: 39

RE: Effects on being outed on your career - 1/15/2007 10:39:38 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

Anyone familiar with the case of Jack McGeorge? He is a bigtime guy in the bdsm and M/s scene (one of the founders of Black Rose, I believe) and also very big in the government. He was outed in the Washington Post as being into kinky stuff and everything turned out fine for him. And yes, this was during the Bush administration. Go figure...

(in reply to JustUsTwo)

Post #: 40

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