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PTSD - 2/28/2005 8:11:36 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:48:46 PM >
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 8:18:58 AM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		*chuckles*
I'm guilty of being a PTSD sub, if you really want to hear the story, just ask I'm finally getting comfortable telling of it.
Quite honestly due to my experience, I have to stay away from the pain scene, pretty much all together, you never know what intsticts may kick and make me snap.
And being trained to kill, a snap wouldn't be good.
My Mistress just tends to train me in other ways, I am mostly just in a loving submission to her right now, with alil kink involved too.

I know my post is kinda short but I will elaborate if asked. Not really a big fan of letting it all out right away*chuckles*.

< Message edited by WulfMan -- 2/28/2005 8:20:16 AM >

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 9:09:14 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The Owner was a therapist who specialized in working with vets and people with PTSD. His main method is to help the person re-live the experience mentally so they can allow themselves to acclimate to the experience, rather than either repressing it or making it overwhelming.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 9:50:23 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Well, others here know that I have PTSD, but I am medicated.
My stress did not come from pain so I am okay in that respect. If anything my relationship helps by having someone else in control of me, thereby I am not overwhelmed, which would bring on an attack.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 9:53:52 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:49:00 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 10:00:45 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
i cant imagine anyone wanting to look back or willing to look back. ANd for some like me it might not even be possible as its all gone BLACK. thank heavens for that. hrmp


That's the repression part of it. It doesn't last forever, pieces will begin to come back, unfortunately most likely at moments when you really DO feel secure enough to let the blocks down. Creating a secure environment and allowing those pieces to come out and relive, and be able to PROCESS them, rather than become crippled by them is invaluable.

And it is a process- chunks come out as they will, sometimes not in a logical pattern at all, sometimes in flashes and sometimes in entire sequences. Often there's a specific trigger that brings it up- a sound, a smell, a look, anything. Realizing the connections as they appear, using them to help come to grips with the trauma you experienced and assimilating them into who you are now will let you work with it and live with it. Because things like this are never GONE, you just learn to cope and live happy WITH the trauma.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 10:59:12 AM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		Well Riot sent me a message asking me to share so I will,
Here is my experience,

My parents have been divorced for a very long time, my mom decided to re-marry. And of course she has to choose one of the biggest low lives in the world. He often came home drunk and started to smack me and my mom around. Well one night he came home drunk again my mom told him she was gonna leave her, so he desided to grab a baseball bat and go after my mom. I grabbed a knife came up from behind him and slit his throat. The courts ruled it as self defense, and I've had nightmares ever since. I just try to cover them up by living life fairly wild. But it's hard to escape. Most people see me has a hero, I almost feel like a murderer.

Ever since then, I've had nightmares like crazy. I tend to stay away from people that care about me, which almost killed my very good relationship. I do relive the experience in my dreams quite often, I've only just recently started to seek help thanks to this forum actually. Group sessions are the ones that are helping me the most, and I like my new shrink. There is hope, I am already starting to feel that I'm making progress.

Keep on fighting.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 12:52:39 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		You're doing great Wulf. Keep it up! This is one of the most important things you've done in your life, and you're handling it wonderfully. I know it isn't easy for you. The fact that you shared in the forums then followed the advice showed that you are willing to fight to feel better. I find you to be an impressive person. :-)

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/28/2005 12:53:32 PM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to WulfMan)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 1:48:37 PM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		Thanks for the kind words Ma'am,

Who knows once I recover fully perhaps I can be a motovational speaker like chris farlely, living in a van down by the river.

*chuckling*

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 2:08:35 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		wow Wulf!! What a thing to have to live with. i applaud your courage for saving your mom's life, dealing with the trauma and posting on the board about it.

i can't say i've done any research on PTSD but i wouldn't doubt that i've had it or is it still have it? Is it something that you never recover from?

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: PTSD - 2/28/2005 2:19:43 PM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		I'm hoping so, each person is different.

I honestly still feel like a killer still, I'm not sure that will ever go away. Perhaps because of the fact that I've had to kill on more than one occasion. Not sure I want to get into where or how, but you can probably use your imagination due to my occupation in the military, and me being prior enlisted before I was selected for ROTC corp, and to further my college education.
*chuckles* remeber the Air Force does alot of things besides drop bombs and fly planes, I suppose I'll tell you my occupation in the prior enlisted life if you care to ask.

There are alot of factors with my dare I call it a disorder, things I'm not ready to go into. But I feel hope for the first time in along time and if there is hope for me, well then I'd say chances are better for you.


(in reply to liljoy)
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RE: PTSD - 3/1/2005 8:20:12 AM   
Sirensong


Posts: 88
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Wulfman you say that you cant do the pain play as it digs it all up?

I have a different experience..
My lad WANTS more pain..has become more of a masochist than ever due to his ptsd.
The release seems to help him a great deal..and he craves it more when the nightmaes are more prevelent




_____________________________

Dont ask me to spellcheck.
A smack in the goodies usually offends.

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: PTSD - 3/1/2005 10:15:35 AM   
WulfMan


Posts: 115
Status: offline 		Quiet honestly I don't know if the pain would dig it up, but I'm not willing to try, what would happen if an instinctal reaction were to occur. I could end up snapping my Love's neck like it was a twig. I won't take the risk.

(in reply to Sirensong)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: PTSD - 3/1/2005 12:43:56 PM   
rocker


Posts: 30
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline 		Way To Go WulfMan! You did the right thing.

noone should lay a hand on another without express permission.
but when threatened by violence
sometimes a quick and violent responce is needed.
you most likely saved your Mothers life
and i for one applaud you!

rocker
"its a long way to the top if you wanna rock in rollllllllll......"


(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: PTSD - 3/1/2005 9:24:50 PM   
squirrelly


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/1/2005
Status: offline 		a brief version of my story regarding this.

i'm not specifically ptsd. but i'll put it in terms of other mental aspects from the sub. i'm a codependent. i fully rely on someone else to help me make decisions. i constantly need to take care of someone else. i was emotionally abused by the main male figure in my life. which is a large reason of why i'm submissive. i learned at a very young age not to question authority of a male figure - or i was beaten. i've been in and out of support groups and therapy for most of my adult life. a lot of my "crazy" friends pair this with a sort of repression. if you can make it into a fantasy or something that arouses you, the abuse of being forced to be submissive is lessened dramatically. it helps cope with the immediate pain, and sometimes, it just lingers. i wouldn't ever wish it upon anyone else or myself again, but being in this lifestyle has helped me understand a lot about my abuse and my mental status. for me, being submissive isn't just about the sex - it's about having the perfect match day in and day out. my perfect top knows just where to settle into the holes in my life. recently i've been left without a top and my holes are gaping open, but for the first time in my life, it isn't hurting me.

this is one of my first posts and i don't want to come off as the new psychotic member... just sharing my experiences in hope of helping others.

(in reply to rocker)
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RE: PTSD - 3/3/2005 8:21:09 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		If I know you have PTSD I do take extra precautions. During Bondage I make sure I can quickly relaease you be ready to hold you tight.
So far I haven't had a bad experience where on of us ended up hurt. I make sure that medications are taken per MD orders. The more I know about your past and why you may have PTSD the more I can sympathize and meet certain accomidations and still be the DOM.

After care is pretty much the same. A warm drink and me holding and massageing you. However, it all depends on how bad the panic/anxiety attack is when it hits the submissive I'm sceneing with.

Best idea is to be prepared and do it with these steps.
1. Be ready to release quickly
2. Be ready to defend yourself with simple restraining holds
3. Be ready for a long night oh crying, holding, and talking
4. Be ready to drive to a clinic or have a phone near by
5. Be ready to get the hell out
6. Remember that everyone is different. PTSD and the reactions vary in ppl.

That's all I have to offer for now.


_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: PTSD - 3/8/2005 11:24:05 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:48:35 PM >

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: PTSD - 3/12/2005 8:35:30 PM   
cynthiamarie


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline 		I'm glad that you're a SURVIVOR and didn't give up on life and on everything.

I have PTSD too. Over 22 years of shrinks and about half of those years under medication...haven't helped significantly. The only thing I can do is avoid the things that act as triggers, when I can, monitor myself for depression and take steps to balance it out with happy things (even when I have to force myself, LOL), and to make some part of my brain step back and recognise when I'm having a panic attack. Otherwise, I'm too awash in the feelings to help myself at all. Zoloft helps cut down on the intensity of big ones, and prevents smaller ones, but I don't like to stay on it 24/7, because the side effects lessen the quality of my life too much. It makes me sleepy/tired all the time, all day migraines, and makes me feel like a zombie. When I can't throw off a panic attack after a few days to a week, I'll go on the meds for a week or two, or if something is happening that's very stressful I'll take it. I've been put on lots of different meds and none of them are an easy cure...but I found one I could live with during emergencies. I liked Paxil too, but after a few years, my stomach wouldn't tolerate it any more without growing ulcers. That one was my favorite...no headaches or zombie feeling.

Some things people can get over, given time. Others make you feel dirty, unworthy of ever being loved, or even...like you've got blood on your hands that can never wash off. I've come to terms with most of it intellectually, but emotionally...only my lifemate could heal me, and I haven't met him yet. (I really think that putting all my faith and trust into somebody who proves to be worthy of it, would go a long way toward healing emotionally.)

I've never been in a Dom/sub relationship yet. It would be nice to rewrite some of the past abuse scenes...it might lessen their power over my emotions. The worst ones...nope, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near those. Certain men's colognes have the power to make me intensely nauseated, and I have some other triggers too. I would hate to be with someone and become numb from head to toe (feels like an out of body experience, they call it Dissociation), or become some cringing, whimpering ball of fear. I can't watch violent movies, news on tv, or scary movies either. I know how to take care of myself and what NOT to do.

Flashbacks. Most of them trigger panic attacks or dissociation. I've had it happen during sex before and it makes all good feelings stop cold. Nobody noticed because I became very good at focusing on my partner's feelings instead of my own. (Nope, never had one of THOSE with a partner either, LOL.) Getting naked in the bathroom can give me a panic attack, and leaning over the bathroom sink to spit out my toothpaste used to do it too. Sometimes flashbacks are in dreams, and I wake up at night and have to turn every light on in the house, put a weapon under my pillow and try not to imagine that every creak or bump in the night is not somebody coming to hurt me. When I was with somebody I didn't creep out so easily...that skin to skin contact really counts for a lot, and so do the soothing hugs and petting.

That's some of the effects of PTSD that I have to deal with.

Now I wonder if every Dom here will avoid me like the plague, LOL






(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: PTSD - 4/1/2005 7:41:31 PM   
SoulfulPisces


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/15/2004
Status: offline 		I live with PTSD as well as other mental health issues. I'm medicated, see a psychiatrist and a therapist, which has helped me for years.

But there's one issue my therapist cannot seem to help me with. My rape a year and a half ago. I haven't been sexual with a man since. I have dated, but knowing the sexual energy of the BDSM lifestyle, even without sex, it makes me wonder how I could handle it.

Perhaps I play things too safe now. I'm not getting any younger.

-mel.

(in reply to cynthiamarie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: PTSD - 6/21/2005 9:24:08 PM   
asissyforher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: iowa now..maybe move soon.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WulfMan

*chuckles*
I'm guilty of being a PTSD sub, if you really want to hear the story, just ask I'm finally getting comfortable telling of it.
Quite honestly due to my experience, I have to stay away from the pain scene, pretty much all together, you never know what intsticts may kick and make me snap.
And being trained to kill, a snap wouldn't be good.
My Mistress just tends to train me in other ways, I am mostly just in a loving submission to her right now, with alil kink involved too.

I know my post is kinda short but I will elaborate if asked. Not really a big fan of letting it all out right away*chuckles*.

=============


i know too well the feeling. i did my time for uncle sam overseas and i am not a nice guy when i am mad..iam the incredible hulk you seen on tv.
i have no Ms and i do not have kinks.
but i am not one to be intimidated.



_____________________________

"still looking for a real life domme..no more plastic wannabes for me"

(in reply to WulfMan)
Profile   Post #: 20
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