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What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 8:07:22 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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i'm not sure where to post this and i know it's probably been discussed previously (hasn't everything?). It seems in my age category that a great many men have ED. i have a tendancy to say i'm not attractive or i'm doing something wrongand it's all my fault men can't get or stay erect with me and i go home depressed. Yes, yes, i know BDSM and D/s isn't about sex. But i don't want to be in a sexless relationship. Part of me (the resonable and logical part) says that more men over 45 have ED than will admit it. If this is true, my question is, shouldn't this be discussed prior to meeting? Should i ask? Should someone with erectile dysfunction tell me or at least let me know that sex isn't going to be part of the scene or the relationship? If it's me, if i'm that much of a turn off, shouldn't someone tell me so i can do something to fix myself?

i did recently meet a wonderful Dom who did tell me the ED was His problem but then told me the pills cost $15 each and went on and on about the cost that the next time i was with Him and He actually got hard all i could think was "Cha-Ching!" and i felt just horrible that He had to spend that kind of money and i just don't want to feel like it's a financial burden to have sex.

How should i handle this? Any advice?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

Post #: 1

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 8:19:07 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well when a bottle of Jameson runs about 21 bucks in my area, and a good kangaroo whip is 400 bucks, I think 15 bucks is a cheap date to get aholt of some of that there veegra, but it may indeed cut down on the outdoor waldorf salad plates at lunch....

For the greatest part of the ED it is emotional (probably all the stupid fucks we did in our youth coming back to haunt mr slash and burn, perhaps a soft dick has got a concience, because a hard one aint) and most people can get to normal go after about 8 pills....and I am source citeable dysfucntional (get it?) so I aint gonna look that up other than to say there are sources out there on the medsites that jabber that line.

The Big Softy

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 2

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 8:23:02 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Men in our age group are very likely to have ED. Unfortunately they are also likely to be ashamed of it and therefore not see their doctor. Some of the possible causes are overweight, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes, Benign Enlarged Prostate.

As far as how to handle his grousing about the cost, why not ask him if sex is worth that to him? If he skipped one meal out, replacing it with a low cost, heart healthy lunch brown bagged he would recoup the cost of the pill and help himself along the road to maybe not needing the pills anymore. Personally if a man made that much fuss over it, I'd probably say he wasn't compatible with me and tell him why.

My man is in this age group and has some trouble as is natural. But he can orgasm from oral usually so when the erection softens, I do this. In the meantime he gets a great deal of pleasure from making me cum. And this doesn't require a hard cock, just an active imagination and an interest in pleasing one's partner. Having me go into multiple orgasms to the point where I can't catch my breath and beg him to stop is something he finds extremely satisfying.

As far as you internalizing everything and your persistent low self esteem, that's a different issue. Take up a new challenge, make a list everyday of the ten things you are proudest of that day, put up post it notes with affirmations on surfaces you will frequently look at such as mirrors, cabinet doors, bedside table. Therapy whether one on one, group or self help groups is also very helpful.

So is volunteering. Why not go to the animal shelter once a week and help socialize the animals? You get to play with them and once they're accustomed to people they get adopted a lot easier. Basically, you're picking selfish men because you don't think you deserve better. You do. Time to do something about the way you view yourself because I can promise you that once you feel more positive about yourself the men you are willing to date will be ones that find you a valuable companion.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 3

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 8:24:52 AM

MsOpal

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

good morning,

I would think that whether or not sexual intercourse was going to be "part of the deal" should indeed be discussed. I make certain that subs I am interviewing know right away that sexual contact is NOT going to part of "this" deal. I would also think it was not unreasonable for you to ask in the initial meetings and / or emails, chats, phone calls if sex was or was not going to be a possibility. Would you not want to assertain their opinions and methods of providing/allowing for "safer sex" anyway? Also remember that males can experience performance anxiety, even at a mature age.

The wonderful dom who went on and on over the cost probably felt a bit guilty that time about the fact that it "didn't happen" so he was making his excuses to you and used the cost as the main one. The next time when it did happen you had no reason to feel guilty, in fact since he DID get it and he DID get an erection, shouldn't it have made you feel very good and vetry positive about yourself and about him? He had such a good time the first time that he wanted to make SURE the second time that he could carry through with the activities. Isn't that a really good thing? Remember all that is the Dom's decision and you bear no burden at all if he wants to spend that money to make sure he can do it. After all, a $15 pill is less that dinner and a movie!

MsOpal

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 4

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 8:47:24 AM

yieldingcontrol

Posts: 16
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

I know I am different....but 15 bucks sounds like a steal to me.

(in reply to MsOpal)

Post #: 5

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 10:54:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
If this is true, my question is, shouldn't this be discussed prior to meeting?

I wouldn't say prior to meeting- after all what if you meet them in a club or social event? How could they have told you before then?

It should be discussed prior to getting into a sexual relationship though.

quote:

Should i ask?

During the pre-sex talk, sure.

quote:

Should someone with erectile dysfunction tell me or at least let me know that sex isn't going to be part of the scene or the relationship?

During the pre-sex discussions, exactly what the dysfunction is, how it operates and how they have worked with it should all come out.

quote:

If it's me, if i'm that much of a turn off, shouldn't someone tell me so i can do something to fix myself?

Umm that's like telling me I'm fat. I already know. If I want to do something about it, I will. I'd lay off the giving of advice and possible solutions until you're further along on the intimacy scale and have made an informed choice that their sexual performance really does need changes.

quote:

i did recently meet a wonderful Dom who did tell me the ED was His problem but then told me the pills cost $15 each and went on and on about the cost that the next time i was with Him and He actually got hard all i could think was "Cha-Ching!" and i felt just horrible that He had to spend that kind of money and i just don't want to feel like it's a financial burden to have sex.

How should i handle this? Any advice?

Oral? Dildos? Surrogate cocks? If his problem really is that bad that he can ONLY keep an erection with a pill, then I'd say be grateful he has a cock that can get hard. Most men have problems due to blood pressure and can get hard at certain times of day, or depending on their blood sugars, or can't stay hard long enough, or can't orgasm within a reasonable time...it's rarely ever as simply as "just can't get and stay hard ever without a pill."

Turn it around on you- what do you think HE should do if suddenly your clitoris lost all feeling except when you took a pill for $15?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 6

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 11:25:54 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Turn it around on you- what do you think HE should do if suddenly your clitoris lost all feeling except when you took a pill for $15?

*smiles* As always, your advice is wonderful. Actually, since i am menopausal i DO have a problem with being wet... i'm not always wet even when aroused and i make sure i let my partner know this ahead of time. i keep condoms and a cute little purse-sized bottle of lube with me just in case. However, i would never mention the cost of any medication if i had to take it because it's my body and i feel i'm responsible for the cost of its proper function.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 11:55:55 AM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

First, don't take it personally. Ever. What's the point? Second it happens to tons of men, the less shame and ridicule they experience because of it, the less of an issue it becomes. As it becomes less shameful to admit that there's a physiological difficulty going on, more men will seek treatment, AND less shame/guilt/embarassment will get in the way (they make the problem way worse than it was originally). The issue can start out with a little chemical difficulty, but that can lead to mental and emotional difficulty, which is way harder to treat.

With the men in my life who are not going to be putting their health at risk, I suggest they get a source of ED meds, if they do not have one, I hook them up with my source which is about 10% of the cost mentioned above. You can contact me off site to discuss sometime if you'd wish.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 8

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 3:00:46 PM

KinkMasterDave

Posts: 79
Joined: 6/26/2005
Status: offline

G'evening...

As far as I've read on here, all the posts are right on.

In most cases, you can get the Dr to prescribe the strongest dosage of the med (viagra, or cialis).. and cut them in half to use half the dosage. Viagra costs the same for 50mg as it does for 100mg.. go figure huh.. So, this would cut the cost down per date/dosage...

I will also add, as I've grown older (currently 50), I find the submissive spirit calls to me more, but the sadist in me screams for the masochist in her.. often, the level of intense play isn't conducive to sexal arrousal after play (for me)... this might often be the case for others.

Many factors to consider.... If it's a regular partner, I think it's fair to ask if there is some barrier that is hindering the up-and-coming 9pun intended lol) play you desire. It might be as simple as hygiene for either partner. Maybe vitamins, or nourishment.... possibly lack of rest, or outside pressures (work, family etc) causing emotional distress....

Just my two cents...

MD

_____________________________

Proud owner and operator of arden and victoria...

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 9

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 3:11:48 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Damn! I don't know...I've never run into that problem and we're about the same age. Course I don't have the other problem you discussed either. Maybe he was just a bit too worried and couldn't relax. You know, the more you think about it, the worse it seems to get. Same could hold true for you. Maybe you worry too much about getting wet so you can't. Just relax and let the sex flow naturally.

Oh yeah, you can get that stuff on the web at about half the price. Tell him that.

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 1/18/2007 3:12:57 PM >

(in reply to KinkMasterDave)

Post #: 10

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 3:49:59 PM

poplolly

Posts: 159
Joined: 10/7/2006
From: Edmonton
Status: offline

Is he a smoker? Long term or excessive smoking can have a huge effect on erectile function.

And if he wants the erection, let him pay for it ... and not whine about it, either. After all, it's not like he doesn't benefit from the expenditure!!

_____________________________

"I am selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't ACCEPT me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
~~ Marilyn Monroe.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 11

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 4:02:32 PM

LuvnHome4FemSub

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline

I don't mean for this to be rude. If it is taken that way then I apologize upfront. I am curious as to where you may have come up with the backing for this part of your answer. Why is it that every malady everyone has anymore is caused by smoking? If someone has a hangnail is that soon going ot be associated with smoking too?

(in reply to poplolly)

Post #: 12

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 4:45:38 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

My man is in this age group and has some trouble as is natural. But he can orgasm from oral usually so when the erection softens, I do this. In the meantime he gets a great deal of pleasure from making me cum. And this doesn't require a hard cock, just an active imagination and an interest in pleasing one's partner. Having me go into multiple orgasms to the point where I can't catch my breath and beg him to stop is something he finds extremely satisfying.

My Master turns 54 soon and has problems with ED, but He is a 30+ year diabetic and has high blood pressure (controlled with 3 types of medication) and renal failure.

He is also able to orgasm through oral, so my bj skills have had a good workout in the last 3 years

It is rare that He is able to cum through intercourse, and we have not managed anal in over 2 years. However we have lots of toys and He has magic fingers which seem to know exactly where my G spot is! I have often been left in a quivering pile of goo with a grinning Master bringing out the tickle feather or dripping cold water over me.....or even a quick swat with the crop

He also has a wicked imagination......are you sure our Masters are not related???

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 13

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 7:38:47 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

About 40% of 40 year old men have some degree of ED. That percentage increases as the years go by. If there is diabetes, that is another story, as there can be neuropathy (damaged nerves). A clue is: does the man get morning wood, even half-hard, if so he is functional. If not there can be other promlems such as incompetent venous valves that can be dealt with by a urologist.

I find that commonly men can get a good hard on, but "lose it" earlier than when they were young. There are a few ways around this. One, from the man's point of view, is to torment, tease, stimulate, on torture the submissive to a few hours of nearly continuous orgasm even though after 10 minutes he's soft/moderately soft. The submissive generally has nothing to complain about since his fingers, tongue, and tools have no ED to speak of. Often the request is: "please, .please stop, I can't take it any more."

Then after a "refractory period" of 15 minutes to an hour, often the male can regain a hard-on, and copulate quite effectively especially if it's done with a "my turn--I'm taking what I want attitude."

As far as meds. Most MD's don't know or don't care. In my opinion Viagra sucks. It is a first generation, broad effect drug with many adverse effects. I call it the three step med. Sniff some 12 hour nasal spray for the inevitable nasal congestion, take two Ibuprofin for the inevetable headache, and take some acid reducer plus tums for the inevetable heartburn and fuck her standing, as lying increases the heartburn--and forgo alcohol which aggraves the heart burn.

The comment about "taking eight" will simply result in hypotension and will not effectively increase the erection. That is deadly.

The second generation med: Levitra (I love the name) is very similar. I do not recommend it.

The third generation med is Cialis. Now this med is far more specific. Adverse effects are none to minimal. The effect is not a mere 3-4 hours but last for up to 36 hours.
Cialis comes in 5mg, 10mg, and 20mg tablets. The trick is to ask the doc for 20 mg, and then cut it into quarters, then again so now the med is cut into eigths. Now a $12 tablet ( if that amount works, and it often does) costs a whopping $1.50--if he whines about that you got a problem. I can't say tell the doc "hey the 20 milligram tabs worked--when the 1/8 tab did, nor can the doc, but some MD's are wise, and so you buy five and get 20-40. Warning: not all pills can be cut up this way.

Older men often are more interested in making their partners cum. It is not essential, nor a slight if a male does not orgasm every time. Older men often make more sensitive, and intense lovers, for it is the subs pleasure that turrns them on, whereas a younger man sometimes just wants to "get it on," and get back to the footbal game.

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 14

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/18/2007 9:45:02 PM

angaothsi

Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuvnHome4FemSub

I don't mean for this to be rude. If it is taken that way then I apologize upfront. I am curious as to where you may have come up with the backing for this part of your answer. Why is it that every malady everyone has anymore is caused by smoking? If someone has a hangnail is that soon going ot be associated with smoking too?

First let me state I am a smoker, I'm not proud of it, and lol I should quit, but I know what you mean. No matter what you go to the Dr. for one of the first 5 questions asked is "are you a smoker" I got bit by a spidar, went to the Dr. and this was asked.
~~~~~~~~HOWEVER~~~~~~~~
All that being said, smoking shrinks blood vessels, it is a widely know medical fact, a fact which asscociates smoking with many things, high blood pressure, heart attack and strokes. Now think about it, what causes and maintains an erection? Blood flow, through blood vessels. If said vessels are shrunken due to smoking then yes smoking is therefore related to ED. Also take a quick look at any sites about ED and it IS one of the factors mentioned, along with excessive caffine intake. ( shrunken blood vessels are also one of the reasons many smokers have bleeding from the gums when brushing)

As for vaginal dryness, a friend of mine just started using this product which she is very happy with, it is hormone free which is a good thing, I dont know the name of it off the top of my head but if anyone is interested send me an email and I will find out from her what it is.

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to LuvnHome4FemSub)

Post #: 15

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/19/2007 6:27:35 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

The comment about "taking eight" will simply result in hypotension and will not effectively increase the erection. That is deadly.

Perhaps I am not clear enough.....
the emotional or mental EDs usually are cured of their spiral circle dysfunctional fears after about 8 pills, not all at one time, but over the course of normal use.

I will get a lawyer and interpreter if necessary. Didn't think I was that obscure.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 16

RE: What nobody likes to talk about - 1/19/2007 12:28:52 PM

aslv2kneel

Posts: 28
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

i am with you - it should in my humble opinion be disclosed - butthen again i am selfish

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 17

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