RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (Full Version)

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SirDominic -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 8:23:31 AM)

domiguy, if I am understanding you correctly, you are equating the term "scene" with public play, and that is wrong. In its purest definition, a scene is like the outline of a book. It gives both people an idea of where the event is going to go, but leaves out the meat, so there is room for some surprises. It can be public or private. Scenes are used more by Doms/subs than Masters/slaves, because the former is usually (please note I said usually) a more casual relationship. You get together for the evening and talk out how that night is generally going to go. Beginners are also more comfortable with this format, as it can calm some of their fears about what they can expect.

I personally don't like scenes myself, because I find them stilted. My style is very fluid, likely to change direction at any moment as I observe the one under me. But then, I never had a D/s relationship with someone I didn't already know pretty well, so I knew what they were going to like and what would be a turnoff for them. And, of course, if I misjudged, they always had their safe word. And they knew me and trusted me to know what I was doing.

You also seem to get the idea that scenes are "essentially all for show". That is not true either, although it can be. I have seen some scenes that were very intense, and I DO mean very. Again, it is up to the people involved. One thing I have learned from a thread of a few weeks ago is how many people are insulted by the word "play". For me, there is no conflict between playing and being serious at the same time. But since so many others seem to have such a big problem with it, I have chosen to ban that word from my BDSM vocabulary.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



SimplyMichael -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 8:33:34 AM)

Is it really just the words like  "play" and "scene" that people are hung up on, that it doesn't have enough gravitas for the amazing depth only they have?  If it bugs you don't use them.

My hottest scene (for me) was something I had no idea what the hell I was going to do it just evolved with me feeding off of her reaction to what I was doing and we both ended up "playing" off of each other, her as victim, me as monster clawing and biting away her flesh.  Never done anything like it before, it just happened.  It was in a corner of a room with zero audience, neither of us were performing, we simply became those roles.

I have done scenes where to make them work something of a script was involved as I used about 6 people to pull it off.  She was blindfolded and I started with one hand, just touching and carraessing her.  I then added my second and played with her head dancing on the border of "is there a third hand touching me?" and then suddenly lots of people were touching her.  Very scripted but I loved it, was that just "useless shallow play"?

For the D/s lovers, like myself, parties are not "made" to show off D/s since it is by definition internal and mental.  However, one can still have fun with it and it is the primary place I play with formal protocol.  In my local group, people rarely if ever ask if they can speak to your submissive but I always make an effort to do so.  Since I can't "train" everyone to do it my way, bringing your pet with a ball gag to an event, making it clear she is there for service to you only and not there to socialize can drive that point home. 

Parties, and social groups are often exactly what you make of them.  It is far easier to reject than to either change them or at least go against the norm.  However, if you find the right one a great deal can be learned, a lot of fun can be had, and you can truly forge a closer connection with your pet, all things that many of us seek.



juliaoceania -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 9:11:15 AM)

quote:

Scenes are used more by Doms/subs than Masters/slaves, because the former is usually (please note I said usually) a more casual relationship


I am not saying this is wrong, but what are you basing this opinion on the casualness or the lack thereof when judging other people's relationships? Is it based upon your personal experiences which you are universalizing, or is it based on some referenced poll or something? Just curious



Bearlee -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 10:08:09 AM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

… I've gone to munches, parties and yes, even clubs. … I had a wonderful time. Was it the voyeuristic intent? Yes. Was it the thrill of exhibitionism? Yes. It was all those things. It was pushing my own personal boundaries of what was "right" and "proper" and "expected of a woman of my age, station (mom-hood) and all that.  But it never ever surplanted the thrill and ecstacy of what I could do with someone in private - not ever.

… But the clubs and all are points of socializing for us - where my Master can indulge his voyeuristic side (I reap the benefits of THAT!!) and I can be out with him without having to pretend we're vanilla. I can call him Sir without whispering or trying to remember to use his given name. And mostly, they're places where we can practice our most loved activity beyond things sexual. We can participate in a higher protocol than we would if we're out at Red Lobster. And high protocol is something that is always a part of our lives, so it's a real pleasure to let down our hair so to speak, and just "be." …
Bolding and italics are mine; b

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

…The public play helped me see things I'd not considered, understand things I'd read about were different to me when I saw them, and is a valuable tool in learning about the aspects of the energy exchange you couldn't get playing alone.
In addition to that I live in an apartment. There's always been huge sound constraints at home as spanking is so loud all my neighbors here the whacks.  I love being able to go to the dungeon and not have to concern myself with noise issues.

I also think it's a wonderful safety net when you're just beginning to play with someone.  For example I would not do full bondage with someone in private I did not fully trust with my life, but in the clubs the safety net of others let me feel like I indeed would be able to have this experience with someone I felt was trustworthy without laying my life on the line if I was mistaken. 

…  You don't have to get it IMO, for it to be good for me.  
Bolding and italics are mine; b

I, too, see clubs and private parties as a sort of public service or get-together by people of like minds.  WIITWD is not so well-embraced by the general public, so it’s a relief, if nothing else, to have a place to let our hair down; learn more about all things BDSM, more about ourselves; play in a safe environment where we will not affront the delicate sensibilities of those who do not share our predilections.  
 
And for me, while sometimes ‘scene’ equates to something more scripted (and is that a ‘bad thing’?), it also simply means ‘play’ to me.  It can be totally unscripted, an activity purely for the pleasure of my partner and me and it doesn’t matter one hoot if anybody else watches.  Who ‘sees’ them anyway?  LOL  Still, it’s nice to play where sound is not an issue, the ceilings are high and there is room to swing a flogger or whip without rearranging a whole room.  Also…I really like crosses and haven’t found one that fits with my décor.
 
Just my thoughts…good topic!
beverly



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 11:56:21 AM)

Last night I did a highly formalized wax scene with my partner.  I spent hours preparing beforehand, I set up the "stage" with blankets and sheets and made sure everything was laid out properly so I wouldn't spill the wax.  Then I spent hours IN the scene pretty much doing nothing but putting on oil and wax, and then taking off wax.

After that I played with my partner with some flogging to practice my florentine and for him to enjoy his newly exposed skin as I waited for another station to open up so I could do some violet wand play with my friend.

I did some more play with her and then got my partner on the table to give him a full taste of electric play as a beginner.

Then we calmed down for a bit and I did a slow and leisurely foot worship/objectification scene with him.

What's the difference for me?  Nothing really.  Play usually denotes more freestyle, spontaneity and no particular energy that I want to build up which a scene denotes a more specific goal of energy and connected with parts that have been specifically put into place to achieve that goal.

It's also VERY rare for me to play that much in a single night, but the energy was smoking.

Were my scenes/playing just to perform for people?  I certainly don't think so. 



goodpet -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 12:21:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Now if they were wielded by monkees you would have my attention)



Anyone else getting a picture here of Mike, Davy, Mickey and Peter dressed in leather, wielding knives? *laugh* those activities have lost meaning without it, its that it can provide a totally different kind of rush.




YES YES YES, glad i was not the only one..





LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 12:28:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Now if they were wielded by monkees you would have my attention)

Anyone else getting a picture here of Mike, Davy, Mickey and Peter dressed in leather, wielding knives? *laugh* those activities have lost meaning without it, its that it can provide a totally different kind of rush.

YES YES YES, glad i was not the only one.

Well Lolita regularly wears her leather mouse ears, and there's always the great story about Midori wearing a big pink bunny furry costume.



littleone0472 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 12:41:44 PM)

one of the most erotic scenes i ever saw in public play (and yes i do use those words often, they are after all words most will understand. it works use it) was at a club where a pony groom tied up His pony girl and undressed her and then redressed her again into His slave.  there were no knife wielding monkeys or even a 'toy' used.  it was a connection of two souls and a real transformation we were witnessing.  i couldn't take my eyes off of them.  i heard another observers say something to the effect 'how boring'.  yeah.. player.. he so didn't get it.. to see that connection between two people is highly erotic.  toys or no toys..

oh and knife wielding monkeys?? no thanks.. the marks left on me from Master from knife play last weeks.. and yeah there IS a thought He will cut me.. but then again i love that!! so it's something i yearn for.. yeah i'm wired wierd.. aren't we all.  Got some new ones that may last longer than a week too.. A knife in the hands of one who knows it's power is more scarey than someone who is scared of what it is and might inflict..

esmeralda



dcnovice -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 1:00:47 PM)

quote:

I have been at parties where people use blood for sex lube, is that "real" enough for you?


Suddenly, I feel vanilla all over.



PsyVamp -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 3:46:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

A place where I can go wearing next to nothing, meet people I know who are also wearing next to nothing.... and not feel I should hide........and generally find people my age to talk to who are not uncomfortable around discussions that include frank talk about things sexual. I go because it's fun - nothing more, nothing less - but I leave my more intimate activities for at home. And I don't go all that often.

......
But the clubs and all are points of socializing for us - where my Master can indulge his voyeuristic side (I reap the benefits of THAT!!) and I can be out with him without having to pretend we're vanilla. I can call him Sir without whispering or trying to remember to use his given name. And mostly, they're places where we can practice our most loved activity beyond things sexual. We can participate in a higher protocol than we would if we're out at Red Lobster. And high protocol is something that is always a part of our lives, so it's a real pleasure to let down our hair so to speak, and just "be." (please don't attack the high protocol issue - it's wonderful for us. If it's not for you then by all means, don't do it.)

That's it for us.

juliet


juliet, you put it quite the way I would have so I won't bother writing it again!
I go (to clubs) to get ideas, possibly new ways of playing.

Mistress Psy



goodpet -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 3:51:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
...... and there's always the great story about Midori wearing a big pink bunny furry costume.


How about Fifth Angel wearing his clown outfit, red nose and all, to do one of his edge scenes..



SirDominic -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 3:54:25 PM)

It was the Poll, julia. Didn't you get the Poll?????



adaddysgirl -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 3:58:45 PM)

i attended one party which was called a 'BDSM play party' by the host.  i was an observer, not a participant.  While i found it quite interesting, it helped me realize i was really not into the public play/scene type of stuff.  i guess i am just more of a private type of a person and have never really done group things very well anyway.
 
But i have to admit that i was pretty mesmerized during the whole thing.  Naked slaves being whipped, a Master demonstrating fire play, another one needle play and another one with a wand.  It was pretty educational and i guess i'm pretty lucky i got to see all of that at once.
 
The upstairs was for socializing.  They had food and soda set out.   The dungeon was downstairs and no one really talked above a whisper there.  All the people there were friendly and open to questions. 
 
Now i don't know what various clubs are like but i can't say anything negative about the one 'play party' i attended, nor the people there.
 
DG



adaddysgirl -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 4:00:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

It was the Poll, julia. Didn't you get the Poll?????


i didn't get the poll  [:-]
 
What was that about? 
 
DG



Emperor1956 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 4:09:53 PM)

quote:

Simply Michael:  Again, a point I am making is that you CANNOT FUCKING JUDGE A SCENE IF  YOU ARE ON THE OUTSIDE!


Truer fucking words were rarely written.

Some people who are deeply into WIIWD thrive on public play.  Others would be mortified to even be seen in a public dungeon.  There is no point or purpose in downtalking those who like public play, or who do their B/D/S/M in a "scene".

Personally, while I enjoy the energy at a good scene party, and like to take part if my partner is willing, the "serious" work of the relationship usually happens in private.  But that is not to minimize the validity of those who "scene" and who may do so in public.

And, in my experience, people who downtalk the idea of "scene" and public play usually are lonely and did not have good experiences at play parties. 

E.



SimplyMichael -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 5:40:33 PM)

quote:

it was a connection of two souls and a real transformation we were witnessing. 


Something I live for myself and something that I rarely see and relish when I do.  Then again, how many beautiful sunsets do we see, the point is to treasure one when you do see it.



juliaoceania -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 7:19:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

It was the Poll, julia. Didn't you get the Poll?????


No one asked me[:D]



Devilslilsister -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 7:24:34 PM)

Well... i dont really like the word scene as it instantly flashes in my mind a movie.  "Scene selection" is what i generally use when a DVD player buzzes out.  I like the scene selection thing.. so much better then VCR's. 

But i use the word because it has a common usage and i think it fits what i mean.  I honestly dont feel like i've ever been in a scene?  Never done any theater either so nothing ever really feels staged or set up. 

As for public play.  I did it the first time because honestly i didnt realise i was going to be doing public play.  Hey the two guys were very nice and kind and it was ONLY just showing me some rope work.  Wasnt staged on my part, but i have a really good feeling it was on their part!   It all ended up being a new experience and very lovely.

I was hog tied and put in a coffin.. and i dont think thats a scene.. but a new experience so that was very nice.  At another time i also "scened".  I thought he looked interesting and scary, Master said okay, and then it ended up being a new experience.  He drew blood, so i dont think it had any "show" quality to it.  Except my behavior could of been construed as such, but hell he wasnt my Master/Dom and i couldnt help stomping my feet and sticking my tongue out at him.  Course if it had been Master, i'd of probably been bawling like a baby - cos the scene HURT. 

When i have played in public - everyone else tends to melt away.  i could care less what they are doing or thinking, nor do i really see them.  When the above scene was over - i saw no one but my Master and walked 5 paces to him, dropped to my knees, stuck my head between his legs and hugged him.  The Dom i had been in the scene with just dropped off my radar and all i saw was Master and a comfort place. 

i went the club because i hadnt been to one in over 8 years and i just wanted to feel the atmosphere again and they ended up to be spur of the moment new experiences. 

i have to admit it would feel wierd to scene with Master in public.  I'd wonder what the point was.  Then i'd stress about the world seeing me with my defenses down.  i'd also find it utterly humiliating having the world see what he sees and he would probably find it grand to show the world. 



domiguy -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/22/2007 10:16:18 AM)

Thanks for all of the responses...Once again (obviously) everyone has their own views as to why they partake in this and avoid that...for some a scene while others are watching is exhilerating...while others like the safety aspect of a group...or the ability to find refuge in a "private" (away from home environment).  It is obvious to each their own and let them take and enjoy what they will.

Two more questions...#1)At what point does this become too consuming?  Meaning...Do you feel that you are spending to much time on this in lieu of perhaps other things?

#2) Role playing: Does anyone find that it it hard to it take seriously? (My opinion only! Maybe because I have an incredibly fucked up sense of humor or possibly too big/dumb/sick of a brain...I have extreme difficulty in making this type of play effective..w/o laughing....For instance...Teacher/professor with student...Initially it might be hot...she is sporting pig tails,,,nice cute little uniform...red paddled ass and a face full of cum!...But then I'll look at her and think "For God sakes!you are 35 years old and still in grade school! You fucking idiot! And immediately rush her dumb naked ass down to the nearest community college and enroll her in the next G.E.D class offered.)

Anyone else have problems with this?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.




SimplyMichael -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/22/2007 10:43:35 AM)

What you seem to be seeking is "can I find another way to look down on others and feel better about myself"

Why not look in the mirror and ask "why the fuck do I pretend to be dominant and yet worry so much about what others are feeling and doing"



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