question about first-time scenes

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songbird26 -> question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 3:38:34 PM)
I'd love to get the dominant perspective on first scenes. (I'm using the male pronoun for the dominant here, not out of any disrespect to our marvelous dominas, but simply because it's most relevant to my personal experience!) Let's say you've met your prospective submissive online. You've exchanged phone calls, emails, and personal information, and you've met for coffee. Neither of you seems like an axe-murderer or pet-rabbit-killer, and there is great chemistry between you. You've discussed limits and kinks and preferences on both sides. You move forwards with plans to meet privately (or in a club) for your first kink-related encounter. From the sub perspective, of course, it's stepping into the great unknown (unless you've negotiated the first scene down to the very last detail: a choice I can understand some making, though for me it'd take some of the fun out of it). The sub doesn't know what the dominant has planned, if anything; doesn't know how hard he spanks, what toys he'll use (if any), how tight he likes to bind. What the progression of events will be. It's both scary and very cool. Do you dominants like to plan out your first encounters in detail? Do you leave it very much open to 'where the moment takes you?' Do you tailor each first scene to the individual submissive completely, or do you have an "old reliable" that you like to use most of the time? Does it make a difference if the person you're interacting with is a casual play partner, or might be something more? Enquiring minds would very much like to know!

FangsNfeet -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 4:34:08 PM)
As always I like meeting in a public place such as a resturaunt. I let them ask questions and we both say things that we will not do. Though I don't tell what all I will do, we will decide what will not happen. I then give them the option of either follwing me back home or leaving. The only stipulation I have is that once you enter and the door closes, there's no going back. And that goes for both of us. [image]local://upfiles/68772/53A350D485EE46F292C9A56C564F665A.jpg[/image]

NoPinkBalloons -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 5:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songbird26 Do you dominants like to plan out your first encounters in detail? Do you leave it very much open to 'where the moment takes you?' Do you tailor each first scene to the individual submissive completely, or do you have an "old reliable" that you like to use most of the time? Does it make a difference if the person you're interacting with is a casual play partner, or might be something more? Enquiring minds would very much like to know! Ok, I'm not your target audience (I don't identify as dominant), but I do top, and I always have an opinions. Now that the caveats are out of the way..... When I top, I do it for the reactions. With a new partner, even one I've seen play with others, I don't know what those reactions are going to be, so it's difficult to script something. Sure, I can take things that s/he said s/he enjoys or hates, and work from that, but it's often one of those things that just finds it's own rhythm on the fly. I have favourite toys - toys that I'm intimately familiar with and extremely confident in my skill with - and those will generally come into play in a first scene with someone. They give me a way to guage reactions to sensations that I know myself, and I can work from there. There's also the whole "goal" of the scene to take into consideration. Generally, when I'm playing with someone new, we both have at least a vague idea of where we want it to go (energy-wise). As for casual vs relationship paradigms, for me with a first scene it doesn't make much difference. I'm not going to unleash my inner beast on someone until I have a lot better idea of who they are and how they react. A first scene is often "service topping" for me, but I make sure people I expect to have an ongoing relationship with understand that this isn't the way I play when I'm out to get mine.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 6:58:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songbird26 Do you dominants like to plan out your first encounters in detail? Do you leave it very much open to 'where the moment takes you?' Do you tailor each first scene to the individual submissive completely, or do you have an "old reliable" that you like to use most of the time? Does it make a difference if the person you're interacting with is a casual play partner, or might be something more? Enquiring minds would very much like to know! I like to have a few things in mind, but always open to changing depending on the energy at the time.

MidnightWriter -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 8:16:18 PM)
With the basic list of "that's a hard limit" and "that's my favorite" in mind, I tend to play it by ear - as reaction to my mood, what's working, what's not working, and what spur-of-the-moment idea just sprung to my mind. A carefully-scripted session seems too much like subbing to the scriptwriter - even when I wrote the script. I like my options to be open.

MrThorns -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/2/2005 8:29:49 PM)
For a first time scene, I follow the principle of K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple, Stupid). I try to keep the scene light-hearted and fun. I won't bind a girl up on a first scene, especially if we are playing in private, as I usually recommend that submissives refrain from being bound the first few times they play with a new partner...(For safety reasons) I don't usually plan out my scenes, unless I really have something in mind that requires planning... (Cuttings, abduction, suspension, etc.) Sometimes, my scenes work like this: 1: Grab nearest available toy that seems like it will satisfy my current sadistic urge. 2: Hit girl with it. 3: Repeat step two until another toy that interests me comes to mind. Not very flashy...not very creative...but it still seems to work very, very well. ~Thorns

happypervert -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/3/2005 5:20:39 AM)
I look at the first scene as a big step in the process of getting acquainted, and you're both about to start getting acquainted to another side of personalities that the rest of the world sees. So my objective is just to make sure we both relax, have fun and get more comfortable with each other so it whets our appetites for getting together again. I also think there is some awkwardness about this first time together, so I just want to get past that; it goes away when you both have better ideas about what to expect from the other. I'll have a general idea about what I'd like to do based on our mutual interests, but never a "script" because I'm also a big fan of improvisation so almost anything can point me to some deviant deviations from the "plan". "Old reliable"? Hmmmm . . . probably just starting off giving a shoulder massage as a step in getting intimate and helping her relax; after that will be influenced by the interests of my playmate.

stripmaster -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/3/2005 5:50:36 AM)
This one is a fun one to answer. You both have spent a lot of time in the discovery stage which gives him lots of ideas to work from. This sets the stage for the first encounter. With my slave she always knows we will not do anything that we first hadn't discussed and both have agreed to. Now for the first encounter; she would have some idea, but not much of what will happen, but will know it will involve only what we would have agreed to. I personally get great pleasure in incorporating her likes with mine. I get greater satisfaction in letting her think one thing is about to happen and twisting it into something else that she wasn't ready for. A mind is a terrible thing to waist. [8D]

AnonymousSir -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/3/2005 9:24:12 AM)
As stated by others above, I personally just like to keep in mind the hard limits of the submissive whom I have met. I tend to be rather strict once a scene has started, so it's sort of a no-backing-out situation from there on. I will warn a submissive and speak to her, if I am considering trying out 'Soft' Limits, but the only things I really refrain from doing are hard limits. But then, I tend to have extensive talks with a submissive before I meet them, learning what they like, what they dislike, how it effects them and what mood it tends to put them in. Myself I tend to go for those more on the extreme, adventurous side of things. Those who enjoy spontaneous actions of different natures at almost any time, and though D/s relationships of this sort do require ALOT of trust, I find them to be, personally, very enjoyable.

MasterDomm -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/3/2005 10:43:48 AM)
Speaking from a male dom perspective the main thing is for to both parties to relax... i know ur heart is beating ten to the dozen and your head is full of 'what ifs' but you both know your place and the role you are called upon to forfill the way ahead is mapped out for you. I am a firm believer in fate and 'what will happen will happen'. I travelled all the way to france to meet a sub who i had only talked to on the phone and e-mailed ,in the flesh she was as nervious as a kitten but soon warmed to the session once the 'ice' was broken. As i dom i take the lead in such situations by being confident and relaxed you spread such to your partner. MD.

Towerjohn -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/3/2005 3:09:02 PM)
[image] Like any first time experience there is a lot of trial and error. As long as you have gone over limits and have you safe words very clear, then its a matter of experimentation. I would mostly play it by ear with the intensity, while you might have told me that you liked to be spanked, I would still start slow and intensify that as we went along.

topcat -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/4/2005 11:10:27 AM)
Great question, and actually, a very timely one for me. While I have worked scenes completely ‘cold’ (that is with no discussions negotiations, etc.,) the above scenario (no scripting, no formal negotiations) is just about my ideal. I am, for the most part, more of a ‘where the moment takes you’ (or, more importantly, ‘US’) type of guy. I will likely have some idea of how I’d like to go, what I think might work well, but it will all be fluid until it is history. The situation I am considering as I write is very important to me- She is really important to me, and I am really worried about getting it right. She’s been wonderfully open and clear about what works and doesn’t work for her, and I have (I hope) a really good idea of where her buttons are, and how to push them. If all goes as I hope, it will likely go like this: She will be meeting me at my local pub- just a neighborhood type of place, eclectic and fun, very low key (the Sage, for those of you who know it). It’s jazz night, and I have made a point of letting the band know that a musician friend will be visiting with me, so she may get asked to sit in. I also made sure that a few good friends will be there tonight, so she will meet some of my friends, see me interact with others, and generally get the best view of me as a social animal I can possibly present. I will also, before she arrives, load up the jukebox with my best guess of the music she likes, to fill the time before the band starts. I will be completely focused on her, attentive to any mood or whim that may past through her, interacting with others only in manners that include her, positioning my self in relation to her, and us to the rest of the room. In short, I am doing my damnest to make it the best first date she has ever been on<g>. Hopefully, I’ll be able to pick the right time to suggest that we get out of there- the place will get a little crowded and noisy, and we are pretty clear that she didn’t drive all this way to have dinner<g>. At my place, I’ll take time making her comfortable with the space, and me, and let the edge of anticipation come off. Then I will gracefully and forcefully take her down, and bind her- just wrists behind. And then not much- probably a blindfold, and just some snuggly time on the couch, a little ‘heavy petting’, with just the occasional little reminder of her helplessness, again, just until she stops thinking about what will happen next, and just relaxes into the moment. This is the point where I really can’t say what happens next, but I suspect the extent of ‘play’ would be limited to not much more that a mild spanking, and if all goes well, she’ll sleep in chains (a collar to the headboard- long enough to be easily to sleep with- and wrapped around one of my hands, short enough to keep her aware of it)

topcat -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/4/2005 11:12:59 AM)
After action report: while I think everything planned actually did happen, it happened out of order- still, all in all, I'd say it was a good first scene...

wetrope -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/4/2005 3:27:06 PM)
Let me think, it was a while ago 4 yrs, we exchanged lists beforehand, and found out she had been in the scene for several years, she had been both a sub and on ocasion switched, so she was well ahead of me say 5 years. I was a little scared, scared of looking like i didnt know what i was doing, having only read up on things beforehand. I had a bunch of things in my head from what i had read, and sure looked exciting in pictures, so i proceeded. Wasnt very good with the knots, but everything held, didnt have many tools or toys, only a few clothespins, she had a flogger, a little rope. In the end i tried everything i had thought of and it seemed successful, left a few marks but no tears or scars. The one thing i learned was that it wasnt just about doing various acts, it was more about taking care of the sub, making sure she grew, didnt know anything about aftercare, but learned fast. Now have many toys and tools and props it is a lot easier to provide variety, all the while keeping things light and lots of fun.

RexLongBeach -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/4/2005 11:06:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: songbird26 Do you dominants like to plan out your first encounters in detail? Do you leave it very much open to 'where the moment takes you?' Do you tailor each first scene to the individual submissive completely, or do you have an "old reliable" that you like to use most of the time? Does it make a difference if the person you're interacting with is a casual play partner, or might be something more? Enquiring minds would very much like to know! Unlike many others who have responded to this thread, I tend to plan scenes out in advance. This may be in part because the other responders are playing in the physical realm - grab a paddle, a flogger, whatever, and see where it goes. Each of those toys can be handled with varying levels of intensity, depending on how the submissive or bottom responds. Swapping a crop for a flogger, or going first with one or the other, seems to me to be strictly a matter of preference. I tend to play in the mental realm. If a submissive is new, I have to start with the basics before moving into anything more complex. I start by laying the mental ground work. Having her repeat a phrase, having her list her duties, having her assume a basic display position while explaining the physical and emotional significance of being displayed in such a fashion are all ways to get out of the giddy butterflies that so often act as a barrier (or at least a detour) on the path to emotional submission Obviously, the direction of our activities will go in directions I expect us both to enjoy, but a new submissive will not know her preferences yet. So, staying within a safe framework, we work through more complex positions and movements, serves, role playing, and so forth. This gives her a chance to explore service in gradually more intensive ways. This parallels the physical players - starting off light and gradually getting more intense until she gets to the level that I felt she could achieve without too much difficulty (I don't like to push too hard on a first time - better she enjoys and leaves wanting more than having her leave feeling overwhelmed and inadequate). However, the path I take to get her there I will have thought about extensively in advance, based on what I've learned of her from talking with her. I'll have a pretty specific map in my head before I start. This doesn't mean I'm not observing and checking what's going on as it takes place. If something just isn't working, or working better than expected, mid-course adjustments are made. However, we're soon back on track headed towards what I wanted to accomplish in the first place. With a more experienced submissive, I can build a highly structured scene based on "work" we've already done together. I've done scenes from "schooling the recalictrant school girl" to "bimbo and slut training" to "captured on Gor." In each of those cases, there is much more preparation required - creating a set, buying props, costumes, etc. Yes, it is a lot of effort, but those kinds of scenes can be really fun. Other times I just throw her on the bed and... well, you know. [:D] Yours in structured scening, Rex

songbird26 -> RE: question about first-time scenes (3/7/2005 6:28:05 PM)
Thank you to everyone who replied to this. All the answers are fascinating, and I've enjoyed reading every single one...it's so interesting, seeing the way different dominants approach different scenarios, and the care and thought that you clearly put into it (no matter if you lean towards the planned-out or the off-the-cuff route!). Thank you again! :)

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