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MidnightWriter -> RE: Looking for Mr. Right (3/5/2005 8:26:29 AM)
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"One of these days, baby, they've gotta get going,
Out of the door and down to the street all alone" - Greatful Dead, _Truckin'_
Yup - it starts, here, in email. Either the ones who have mailed a "hello" to you that seem interesting, or the ones you've browsed and sent a note to who have responded.
Some like (and feel safer with) IM chats and telephone as a second stage - personally, I don't like that, but lots do. This can be a way to weed out those who can't hold up their end of a conversation.
Next comes a F2F (face to face) meeting in public. Safety is an issue here, as well as a venue where you'll be able to talk. If there's a munch local to your area, those are great - if not, I prefer coffeeshops and diners, but any place you'll be in public view will do. It's rare, but occasionally, there's a predator, so you should practice caution. Avoid letting them see you arrive (tailing your car or tracking down your license plates to get personal info is far too easy these days), and don't go someplace where there will be privacy - Bad Things have happened, not all of them consensual. I recommend doing this when you've got duties in the fairly near future - it's easy to be tempted to skip the next step, so needing to be somewhere else is good. An hour for the first meeting should be plenty of time.
If they're not brand-new, they'll be able to provide references. They may not all be good references (in fact, I'd be a tad nervous if they all were good references), so take *everything* with a grain of salt. Ask about them in the venue in which you made contact - if you met at a munch, ask around about them - someone will know them, or nobody will have seen them before - which tells you something too. If they're active on a local email list, sign on and ask there. If they're active here, post in the "Ask A Submissive" forum for anyone who knows them R/L. Look for signs of fraud, such as emails from 3 people who have just opened accounts here in the last week or so - be skeptical. If they can't provide verifyable references, or nobody knows them - there's likely a reason.
Okay, you've seen that they look like their picture, there's mutual interest, and he's not making absurd demands yet - all is going well. Arrange a playdate - the first time you'll have experience doing actual d/s with each other.
Semi-public places are good, if available - public dungeons, semi-public playparties, etc. usually have a DM, so safety issues will be minimized. If these are not available (or not your thing), set up a safe call.
For a safe call, find out where you'll be in advance - address, apartment number, phone number, the whole works. Give all of this information to a friend that you trust, or a well-known figure in the local community, if you're not out to your friends. Arrange times at which to call them during the session, and CALL THEM. Arrange a non-obvious word to use in the conversation that means "everything is fine" and another that means "help - get me the hell outta here!". If you miss a call, or use the panic word, they should call the police immediately - so let's not forget that call, eh? (Though it does make for a memorable first scene, if you're into handcuffs and humplay.)
Do this with several - shop around. Don't expect that the first one you meet will be The One - even if it clicks. It's easy to jump into a committment in the rush of New Relationship Bliss and regret it later. Be straightforward about dating around - they shouldn't mind.
Then give it all up, sell your belongings and house, and move to Minnesnowta to stalk me. [;)]
Really - the safety precautions are a good idea, but so are safebelts - mostly, they're needless, but if they're needed, they're REALLY needed - so don't let them get you down. Have great fun, and enjoy yourself! Best of luck to you.
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