From: Portland, OR
You briefly mentioned swinging in your very...very...very very long, though enjoyable, post. Being part of both communities (and I've never met another) I'll enlighten you, with my very limited view point.
The difference between swinging and bdsm cuckoldry:
Swinging-absolute mutual respect for all, both partners (the spouses) must be into it, they don't label, much less drama (unless you get involed with a couple who are two seconds from leaving the lifestyle, then run, the tornado of doom will suck you in), play time is vey temporary, boring sex is the norm, sex is eventually expected.
BDSM-if you're not in my group I might attack you (especially true about us slutty switches), my spouse can love it or leave it if I domme, labels for everything, play is intended to be long term though rarely is, much more kinky, either has no limits whatsoever or so many your head spins, can involve no sex whatsoever.
Having been involved in both groups as well, I agree with you for the most part. Yet, generalizations are usually defied by individuals. People are quick in all walks of life to draw a line between 'me' and 'you' whether it's based on fear of the unknown or bad experiences. I remember well reading swingers ads where 'No BDSM or kinky need apply' was clearly stated; usually because it wasn't well understood by the people writing it.
I think we know where the roots of this fear is; demonizing sex is a way to control people. Because we're not supposed to be comfortable talking about it, we never really learn about 'other' ways to enjoy it. BDSM groups, in offering labels and meanings behind what we do, are often quick to portray certain activities and interests as 'good' or 'bad' when there's really no need.
I think the real key is at the end of LA's posts; find stable partners, not a stable of partners. I've found the best lovers are brilliant lovers; I I learned not to have sex with stupid people as a result, and have rarely been dissappointed since.
Nosce Te Ipsum
"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer
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