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Voltare -> RE: Control (3/6/2005 4:25:07 PM)
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The advice given already is spot on. chainedgirl's answer was perfect. If you are asking the question, you aren't ready. When the time is right, it won't be a question, it'll be an obvious fact.
BDSM sometimes seems like an overnight cure for everything from broken hearts, to self-esteem issues, to the cure for cancer. It's not. It's not all that fundementally different from what 'typical' vanilla relationships are based on, it just adds a few options that aren't usually availible on the LS model. (note: LS is usually the basic car model) If you are miserable in your vanilla relationships, you will probably be miserable in your BDSM and Ds relationships. The root has nothing to do with control or chains.
The other problem is that answers and change are expected overnight. It really doesn't work that way. It takes weeks to really fall in love, and months for it to grow into something substantial. The feelings initially may seem real, but it takes time and communication (in real life, in person, and not through a chat room or IM window) to develop the serious and real trust required in a healthy relationship.
I know some of my comments seem a bit heavy handed - but rest assured they were learned the hard way.
Stephan
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