RE: When friends stop writing

RE: When friends stop writing (Full Version)

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gypsygrl -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/4/2007 8:20:46 AM)
A couple years ago, I re-evaluated the way I approached the internet as a facilitator for social relationships. I was spending a huge amount of time maintaining on-line friendships via chat rooms, im and e-mail, and letting cyber relationships take over my life. I decided to end a lot of those friendships and stopped developing new ones. If I hadn't already met them or wasn't ever gonna meet them, I didn't get involved in long conversations. A lot of my on-line life revolved around a game, and we did get together on occasion for meets, so I had actually met some of them. When I explained this to people, I faced a lot of resistance, and they mostly took it personally and rather than just let things die, they argued with me and stuff. This just took up even more time. Apparantly, there's some kind of rule that once an on-line friendship gets started, there's no way to end it and if you talk to someone a couple times, you have to keep talking to them. Forever. For now, I don't feel the need to explain myself to an on-line only buddy if I decide to stop talking to them for whatever reason. Usually there really isn't any reason to stop talking except for the fact that there's no reason to continue. If someone stops talking to me, I just let it go without expecting an explanation. This happens in face to face life too. Sometimes people just fade away. Its not really a matter of courtesy, but pragmatics.

toservez -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/4/2007 9:46:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: unsung I think it is the 'hidden intents/agendas" that are the most annoying part of this; starting a friendship with other motives in mind, that only the other is aware of. szobras identified that in his last 3 sentences of his post, and he is not alone in this mindset. Perhaps these people are not consciously aware of this doing, who knows? This has been my experience. They start out want maybe to become friends or exchange some ideas and experiences and then after one or two nice messages they become tired of writing paragraphs and it becomes message after message of a few cover lines followed by “how is your search going?” or “how is it working out with that man?” Also as the messages progress they become more “drawn” to you and are full of compliments and “are there for you” if needed and if “things do not work out” maybe we can “revisit the issue” of us being together type progression. It is this hidden agenda that I have learned to expect when men dominants offer friendship up because my experience is 90% have that hidden agenda. What is even worse is when they have determine that after a certain amount of Emails that they now have a legit friendship or try to become a mentor to you without you asking them and pry themselves in that way. To me friendship is a very strong word. I do not throw it around after a few messages. After time I might qualify a friendship online as an “online friendship” but unless I truly know you by meeting you multiple times or at least phone you do not get the same rights my family and real friends have.

julietsierra -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/4/2007 2:37:35 PM)
I have a friend...I talk to online and have met in person. I consider him a friend - that's all. Each and every single time we start getting along really well, he crosses the line and I have to backtrack some. It doesn't mean he's not my friend or that I'm not his friend.. It doesn't mean that I'm not going to ever talk to him again. It simply means that for now, I'm not talking to him as much (when he says hello to me, I say hello to him but that's it.). Soon, he'll figure it out again and cross back over to his side of the line and we can continue our friendship. When he's more in control of himeself, he does just fine. When he's not, he just needs reminding and I could talk till I'm blue in the face. He'd have an answer for all of it. So I don't. I just stop talking. He figures it out. When I talk to people I don't know online, we can start out as acquaintances. I don't pretend they're friends. Again though, if they cross the line or ignore the fact that I've laid out what I will not discuss and they keep on trying to find ways around those limits to our conversation, I simply stop talking to them. The way I look at it is that I was polite enough to set out the parameters of what I could and could not discuss. I told them up front and outright my relationship status. I made sure they were aware that I was not going to talk about the particulars of my relationship status and that I don't discuss what we did/do that's sexual or intimate. If they don't listen, don't respect or don't care to follow my parameters, then I have no obligation to continue talking to them. I also don't have any obligation to inform them of my decision. It's a decision I've made for myself and anything I would be able to say to them would either violate my own parameters or lead to more discussion and opportunities I have no intention of granting to get around those parameters. They are acquaintances, not friends. If they're friends, I will come back and try again. If they're acquaintances, then probably not. And by the way, I'm being pretty generous in calling them acquaintances if all they've ever done is e-mail me a few times. The way I look at it is if I'm no longer talking to you, you should take a strong look at the conversations we've had to see where you've messed up, because otherwise, I'd have had no reason to stop our conversations. Generally though, I find that most people just want to complain about the other person rather than look closely at what they've done, so even suggesting they review the previous conversations as a way of explaining things is really a moot point anyway. juliet

slavejali -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/4/2007 5:38:47 PM)
Fast Reply: Friendships are strange things. I'm friendly with people but dont give my friendship easily. I'm not one of those people who talks to someone a couple of times and then considers then a friend etc... The person I consider my best friend in RT we might talk to each other perhaps once a year, we have gone years without seeing each other. In the meantime we talk and see heaps of other people in between. She was even bridesmaid at Master and my wedding, I hadnt seen her for about a year before that date and havent seen her since... I dunno..maybe its different in the online world, maybe its not.

TribeTziyon -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/4/2007 6:53:22 PM)
I have found that online interaction is a whole another breed of relationship. In my experience it is no where near what real life/real time is. I had a 'friendship' develop on line with a gal that was purely platonic. It developed through common interests. We met in real time. It became obvious within the first day that in the real world, everyday setting we were mismatched. We would never have made a connection. It was a surprise to me as well as a wake up call. This happened despite the months of emails, IM and phone calls. I have just decided for my own self that interactions on line are fine, but they can't take the place of real time/real life. People come and go more easily in cyberland it seems.

wandersalone -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/6/2007 3:19:19 AM)
It sounds like this has happened to you a few times. Maybe you are misreading their wish for ongoing contact. It can be frustrating to suddenly have someone stop contact however people do not have to give a reason or justify their lack of contact, no matter how much we wish it were different. The only online person I know that I would classify as a friend is someone I have known for about 4 years and they are the only person whom I 'warn' when I am going to be offline for an extended period of time. I have stopped contact with some people simply because I have run out of things to say or do not see the point in maintaining contact and had the same happen to me, at the end of the day the people whom are important to me know who they are and vice versa.

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: When friends stop writing (2/6/2007 4:08:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you I'm very much aware that courtesy in general is disappearing from our culture. I for one don't think it's a good thing but I can only change what I can each day by each person I interact with. What I truely don't get is the sub/slaves who ask for friends and you write back and forth just getting to know each other and they suddenly stop. No explanation or reason even when you send an email asking if all is well. I know they are still around cuz I see them writing posts in here. I realize this might have gone in ask a sub/slave but I wanted to get an idea if other Doms/Dommes are experiencing this as well i've had this happen with a Mistress on here from Alabama. but, after seeing Her change Her profile 2-3 times a day...i wonder if She really knows what She wants. it's not a good sign when someone can't make up their minds what they want. oh, well, live goes on.

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