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When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:00:32 PM   
Totalmaster4you


Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'm very much aware that courtesy in general is disappearing from our culture. I for one don't think it's a good thing but I can only change what I can each day by each person I interact with. What I truely don't get is the sub/slaves who ask for friends and you write back and forth just getting to know each other and they suddenly stop. No explanation or reason even when you send an email asking if all is well. I know they are still around cuz I see them writing posts in here. I realize this might have gone in ask a sub/slave but I wanted to get an idea if other Doms/Dommes are experiencing this as well

_____________________________

Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:06:29 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sometimes, you're the flavor of the week. Sometimes, they're really hoping for more and are disappointed when we take them at their word of "just friends" and don't pursue. Sometimes, they find a Dominant who makes them drop any and all contact with other Dominants without explanation. It happens.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
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RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:08:48 PM   
QuietlySeeking


Posts: 297
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		It happens.  Oops forgot the SH in front of that...*smiles*

--Someone else gains her undivided interest.
--She gets busy with work/family/church/washing her feet.
--She hears something in the conversations and decides it would be easier to disappear than tell you that she's no longer interested.
--She doesn't care about you as much as you thought...

I've started treating "online" relationships as if they were acquaintances, regardless of how long we've been talking.  Until I see you face-to-face, I don't see any reason to become emotionally involved in your life.

I've done it enough times (and been burned a few times) to realize that I don't want to waste that much time.

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:27:58 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		It becomes what friendship is.

Are people friends and obligated to continue to write the person even if they have only written four or five messages and the ones lately are just about how the person’s relationship is going and it totally appears that the only reason the person writes is hoping that the relationship might blow up and they might then get their chance. The person might have stopped writing you because they had no interest in having to report the status of their relationship to a virtual stranger who is not a friend at all but a cyber acquaintance.

There is friendship and exchanging mutual enjoyable information and there is obligation to communicate with a stranger who feels that he has some right or it is some class thing that once you start talking to someone where there are zero expectations that there is some sort of obligation. Get a hint, a message is not a contract for a reply. Some would call that stalking.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to QuietlySeeking)
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RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:31:57 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Dom/Dommes do the same thing, not just submissives. 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 1:59:50 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes people just kinda drift away. It's nothing to get upset about, especially online. I know that there are many online friends I have lost touch with over the years. Sometimes I wonder, sometimes I send off a note. Occasionally it comes back undeliverable. I may wonder but, like I said, it's nothing to get bent out of shape about. 

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 2:19:43 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Totalmaster4you, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I do my best to exchange E-mails with individuals I consider friends however, when it gets one sided, where I'm the sender and get nothing back after a period of several months--I stop.
 
Reasons behind sudden stops though can really be as many as there are situations.  Medical emergency and hospitalization for one; PC failure and lack of funds to get it fixed for a long period of time, military service call up and or National Guard deployment and or First Responders deployed.  Some folks are on a busy schedule with work and travel a lot.  In addition to other's mentioning other potential reasons.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 2:37:27 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I get messages from doms all the time who "just want to be friends".  These aren't guys who post here who you've kinda gotten to know from their contributions to the board. 

Not interested.

I was contacted by one last week who said he just wanted to chat with me, with respect to my Master of course, because he's never had a sub/slave before.  I responded with the question, "Why would you want to chat with someone elses slave?  Why not talk with ones who aren't already taken?"  When I looked at his profile, it stated one thing.... that he was looking for "married subs/slaves".  Uh huh........ whatever.

I've had people want to be added to my friends list on Myspace, then demand that I must keep in contact with them on a regular basis, or I'm not a real friend.  GAWD get a life already!  Delete! 

My answer to your question is that "who knows" why they stop writing you.  But from my experience, there are people who are 'high maintenance' and want too much of your attention.  I don't allow high maintenance/high drama people in my real world and I certainly don't want 'em in my cyber world. 

And then there are the ones who come off as benign at first, but what they're hoping for is a foot in the door.... you know, just in case things don't work out!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 4:21:04 PM   
Totalmaster4you


Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou to A/all who have taken the time to give me their thoughts. In general I don't think it's too much to write a sentence or use the cm button or customize a message to use when breaking off contact. That is being classy and courteous. There are some of you who have brought up intresting points so I'd like to answer your points individually.
First windchymes you are absolutely correct. Lack of courtesy is not just in gender or Top/bottoms. Thankyou for your reminding me, my only excuse is that I usually talk with sub/slaves but in looking for friends I would feel good about talking with Dom/Dommes as well.
Second toserve, I interpret your comments as very defensive and deduce that you have probably been guilty of dropping out of site yourself. Still I wish you to be well and happy.
Thirdly Lady Hugs you bring up some interesting points but they are not really good when fully reasoned. Medical emergencies could keep you separated from your computor unless of course it's a laptop. Extended hospitalizations of over a week are rare but depending on how close you are to the cyber friend would dictate whether you ask a family member or friend to let them know what's going on. Anyone called to serve is usually hungry for contact and has computors as well as phones for them to remain in contact. That leaves only one reason left, your computor dies and you have no money. You can go to your local library and go on line on their computor with no cost to you. No excuses left other than bad manners.
As problems in the world go this isn't very big and is easily solved. It is worth the effort because the world is a little nicer with a little civility. Thankyou A/all again. 

_____________________________

Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 7:07:56 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, time to bash ol' Jeff again.

It's the whole 'f' thing.  It's truly a concept I don't understand.  Well, I UNDERSTAND it, it just hasn't meant that much to me over the years.

I believe, for me, it has to do with time.  You only have so much of it, and it's never enough.  To waste any seems an atrocity.

Relationships I understand.  One-on-one, it's all good.  So, I'm either working towards one, or I'm saving time for something else.

It probably sounds like I'm uncaring, unfriendly, and self-centered.  That would be wrong.  I'm actually quite giving.  Someone comes to me with a problem, I help them with the issue.  Granted, what they don't realize is that at the end of the day I've moved on to something else.  They need more help, they get it.  It's just not 'personal' to me.

Yep, to me the 'f' word is a really nasty word.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 8:32:57 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Totalmaster4you, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Not all libraries are fully accessable to sites like CM and or other sites, as there might be blocks and filters.  What one Commonwealth/State has as library policy, may not be so in another.
 
I'm not one into 'cyber' relationships, so--if I do have a relationship that is 'along' I will have an E-mail address that I could contact; a phone number (usually cell phone) and or a mailing address that takes the old fashioned envelope, address and stamp affixed to it.
 
Not all medical stays are under a week's time.
 
Not all individuals have 'friends' to contact, as to act as 'agent' on your behalf as to let other's know; especially when other people request that you never share their personal information period. 
 
Not everybody has a lap top computer.  Not everybody has a smart cell phone that accesses the Internet.
 
Not everybody has family.  Some people may be overseas and not accessable.
 
True, it is just good manners to communicate to another, how their status may change and how the relationship has changed also.
 
My intent was to proffer, that what might be reasonable to you, may not be reasonable to others.  Not all remedies/options are successful.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 8:57:25 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		They may be just rude or perhaps inconsiderate, or it could be they just weren't into you enough to even want to form a further friendship, you may have said something that turned them off to the point they didn't want further contact with you (I've been in situations where someone said something really off the wall and completely out of character and I'd think WTF?? BLOCK) .. there's just a myriad of reasons 'why' but you probably won't find a satisfactory answer because it's all just speculation if they won't tell you. Let it go and just move on to some people who do want to be your friend and don't sweat the small stuff.

Good luck to you,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 9:02:25 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Lady Hugs,

I think you missed the part of his OP  which said these people were still posting to the forums, so none of the situations you have presented would seem to apply. They do have access or they wouldn't be able to post to the forums.

I think you're very sweet and want to give the benefit of the doubt so Total doesn't feel bad (and I don't want him to feel bad either) but, bottom line, none of us knows why they quit responding to him .. except for them. They're here, they can read his post.. I'm sure they know who they are.. so the ball is in their court and, my best advice to Total is to live and let live and just go out an enjoy the people who he 'knows' are his friends. :)


Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 9:33:30 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		i have a tendency to do this, not because i wish to be rude, but simply because i rarely have the energy to return phone calls, emails, or messages, etc. lately it's something that the people in my life have come to expect and are dealing with accordingly, simply because of the way my schedule is and the fact that i often just don't feel like moving, much less talking, when i have any free time.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 10:34:04 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

I'm very much aware that courtesy in general is disappearing from our culture. I for one don't think it's a good thing but I can only change what I can each day by each person I interact with. What I truely don't get is the sub/slaves who ask for friends and you write back and forth just getting to know each other and they suddenly stop. No explanation or reason even when you send an email asking if all is well. I know they are still around cuz I see them writing posts in here. I realize this might have gone in ask a sub/slave but I wanted to get an idea if other Doms/Dommes are experiencing this as well

Yes , I have unfortunately experienced this also. Once from talking for a couple of months online, with actually what appeared through conversation to good repore, and much in common in our respective perceptions. Then sudden halt with no responses at all . Another with someone , which we spoke on the phone daily,and then whom actually after meeting me, my wife, friends, at my home, ect... and for quite some time after that appeared even more so to welcome a friendship and to continue to have greater interest in pursuing a companionship of D/s. Then , suddenly no more. Yes, everyone does have thier reasons, and we are all not always "entitled" to hear them.  For me, I will say, that I do find it discurteous, among other things, to suddenly end all communication should the reasons be that mentioned by QuietlySeeking. It can be somewhat disheartening depending on how much one feels they may have "invested" themself  in the process. One thing is certain, for me. The realization of yet another that does not hold the qualities I am seeking, and has perhaps saved me further efforts before that discovery.

< Message edited by szobras -- 2/2/2007 10:39:40 PM >

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
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RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 11:39:25 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear BitaTruble, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Thank you for your words Celeste.  I do want to give people the benefit of a doubt.  I hope others have the best of their nature in mind--not always the negatives.

A thought did come to mind, where we see posted 'topics' pop up that have an origin time and date that may be rather old.  It is a possibility, that what appears to be fresh posts, are not.   When somebody posts a reply, the whole thread pops up to a newer spot on the lists.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/2/2007 11:58:04 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		i have found over the years not to put a lot of stock in friendships, whether in person or online.

often i find that ppl do get wrapped up in their lives.  many 'friends' in the past don't feel a friendship = family or loved one. so i stopped being hurt and moved on myself.  i used to put so much energy into my friendships.  considered them as part of my family or loved one circle. 

after enough bashing and being let down, i simply resigned myself that most ppl don't know how to be a good friend or worse yet, let another in to be a good friend to them.

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/3/2007 10:34:51 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Since it's only female subs who do this and not other male doms, I have to conclude that you weren't interested in a simple friendship after all. You claimed to only want friendship and then step over that line asking sexually charged questions, giving orders without consent etc. You broke the friendship first.

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/4/2007 7:17:56 AM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		Celeste, thank you for adding that.  This is exactly what has forced me to discontinue contact on several occassions (not that it is good feeling).  Although I am seeking, I live and believe within my means, hence ldr won't work nor will being pressured into something that I am unwilling participant. 

When conversation begins all is terrific, a wonderful person at the other end of the line, then shortly after these conversations begin there becomes an expectation that I will be available everyday for this person.  And the sexual inquiries begin and these undertones are discomforting to me especially from someone that knows that in fact a relationship is not going to happen and friendship was the only option on the table.

I think it is the 'hidden intents/agendas" that are the most annoying part of this; starting a friendship with other motives in mind, that only the other is aware of. szobras identified that in his last 3 sentences of his post, and he is not alone in this mindset.  Perhaps these people are not consciously aware of this doing, who knows?

It further makes me wonder, when a Dominant, that has others in his house, approaches a  single sub what exactly is he looking for..........  my bet is the vast majority of times he is seeking to enhance his household, which in my mind does go slightly beyond the friendship role; as the same with a single Dom approaching a sub, they are looking for more.  I honestly can not think of too many friendship type relationships between man / woman that where exclusively friendships (sexual parttime encounters take so called friendship to a different dynamic and hence no longer strictly friends imo).  I know a very very few in fact.

TotalMaster in response to your "No explanation or reason even when you send an email asking if all is well. I know they are still around cuz I see them writing posts in here." you have an expectation and are placing demands upon people you interact with 'as friends'.  I personally never thought friendships where suppose to be such high maintanence; when my friend needs an ear its there for them, when they need a shoulder its there to, if and when they feel like chatting I welcome them without judgement and never do I need an explanation from them when and where and to whom or what they are doing unless I see something seriously of bad judgement.

< Message edited by unsung -- 2/4/2007 7:44:51 AM >

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When friends stop writing - 2/4/2007 7:58:46 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I am guilty of having done this.  Sometimes life just sweeps me away and I get so busy I intend to get back to my email but never do.  Unless it's an established friendship, or there is some stimulating dialogue going on, I might prioritize things in a way that leaves an email thread hanging.  This is something that my offline friends & I practice as well.  When life gets busy, we know we'll get back to each other when there's time.  Although, if I get a follow up "Are you ok?" note, I will reply as my memory gets jarred and then I apologize for the long delay. 

Most who know me know that with work (lots of overtime lately), school, things going on in my personal life, and my Master, I really don't have much of a social life these days.  I peruse some of the threads here and only post to a few anymore, simply because my time is so thin.  But the threads here relax me while sometimes emails seem like more of an effort.  CM is blocked at my work and my nights are so full, so that leaves very little time for emailing.

I do try not to be rude and try to always get back to people, however.  But I must confess that one or two email threads with folks I have not yet established a friendship with have fallen through the cracks.


(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 20
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