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RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 5:28:59 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My life is managed by he who decides how much work will be in it.  If a Dom is unwilling to take into account a submissives competing priorities and help prioritize them for her, then the issue is in their dynamic - not whether or not a house needs cleaning.



This sounds reasonable to me. Good management doesn't involve over-burdening someone. Challenging yes, unrealisitc no.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 6:01:56 PM   
Bignipplessub


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		quote:
If you are in a dynamic where the Dominant is being trusted to control and run your life to the benefit of not only them but of you both..then I just do not understand how this trust could not be seen as being just as trust worthy of the Dominants trust and judgement of rearing children. You trust the Dominant to make decisions, and take care of the very nurturer, and comforter for the children..yet not the children themselves? I don't get it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, I could not allow a Dom to come in and help in the rearing of my child. That is my responsibility not his. Yes, I trust him with me, but I am weary when it comes to my child. Let’s look at date line and how they do how to catch a predator. It could be your doctor, teacher or pastors, who have a love of children. How many of us here on CM do a background check on the Dom or the submissive/slave???? I would have a problem allowing a Dom to rear my child.

I work with children and I have come across a lot of children who resent the fact Mommy/Daddy has allowed the boyfriend/girlfriend discipline them.

Unless you Dom has married you in all legal terms and is recognized by the court of law as your spouse, your Dom should only be a shoulder you lean on in the time of concern with your child.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 6:24:38 PM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i agree.

quote:

Unless you Dom has married you in all legal terms and is recognized by the court of law as your spouse, your Dom should only be a shoulder you lean on in the time of concern with your child.



_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to Bignipplessub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 6:34:50 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bignipplessub

The question should have been “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?!
Let’s be real about the life style we lead and come out of fantasy land. I do not do chores for any Dom, because I have always had to do house work for my children. In this point in my life, I will hire an assistance, house cleaner or a male sub, anybody but me to clean a house.


Yup... Lets be REAL...  Some don't do house work.. and some do.  Regardless of the reasons... it's peoples choices to do what they do and not do what they don't.   I suppose the only thing that matters is those involved in the specific relationship are content and happy with the way it is.

If someone wishes to agree with you that your submissive even thou you don't clean the Dom's house... then great for you.  For myself....  you just be another person pinning a label on her chest that has no particular importance to me.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Bignipplessub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 7:54:18 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		I feel the same as some of the others.. It would be an honor for me to clean Master's house, wash his cloths, cook his meals, and  do anything i could in my power to make his life easier.  I am single parent of 3 very active UMs and work full time. Master is very understanding of my responsibility he doesn't give me anything i cant handle, i don't use my busy schedule or UMs as an excuse to get out of doing things he wishes for me to do.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to Bignipplessub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 7:56:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I clean my dom's house whenever I am there, and organize it too. I have my own home to care for and an unmentionable. It is an honor to do things for him (I know that sounds freakin cheesy, but hey, I really feel this way). He has a housekeeper too, but I tend to pick on her work when I am there...lol.

But to the title of the thread, this submissive would get sick days, and I have no doubt if I was ill he would look after me, because he has done it before.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Bignipplessub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 8:23:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Since Owned has seen the evolution, she can attest more than most that I seem to have gotten into a bad habit of making all of my "off" "free" or "vacation" days into "cleaning days." 

I'm not a terribly neat person, perhaps why I need to take chunks of days to do big cleanings.  But since moving into my own apartment and feeling a real sense of "keeping a home," it has become a much bigger priority to clean and organize my living space.

One of my favorite services (and most common) for my ex-master was house sitting for him and being able to do all the household chores during the week. 

That doesn't mean I want that to be my whole life.  Those types of people are few and blessed.  I want the fun too, I love the sex and the movies and the tv and the food and the laughter and the snuggling and the clothes and the bowling...

But it's the WHOLE package.

As I said in my other post- it's usually a lot harder getting a slave to admit they need to a break more than anything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/4/2007 10:07:14 PM   
WillowRain


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmmm.... are we talking Dom/mes or lazy people who happen to "own" you?


This, I think is an important point, it made me think of a particular dominant friend of mine. In general I am a very non domestic oriented submisive. I love to make toys, I'm big on all kinds of service but I take very little enjoyment out of house cleaning. It'd be more my style to hire someone to come in and do that. BUT, and this is a big exception, it depends. I have one dominant friend who is very hard working, humble, and sees no task as beneath him. That means a lot to me. When I offer to help him out, I know that he isn't just assigning me the crappy tasks that he thinks are beneath him. He doesn't do that, there is nothing I can think of that he has ever had me do that I don't have complete faith he would have done himself. He is a busy person and I love helping him out. He makes it easy. Because of this, I am more than willing to help out extra. Dishes in the sink at the end of an event, I can wisk that out of the way to help him and his girl's. A load of laundry that no one has managed to fold, I got it, simple. There is never a sense of yourself being put upon, or handed the sticky smelly end of the stick, there is a sense of pitching in, being part of a team. I love that. It is so much easier to work side by side with someone who assigns you tasks based on what they need help with, not just what they are too lazy to do. I have actually snuck around to try and do more stuff when visiting this person, just to help out more, and because I really adore the folks in that household.

I physically cringe internally when I hear dominants say, "My house is a disaster, I need a submissive to take care of that for me." It implies that they consider the work to be beneath them and that they are too lazy to maintain their own spaces in a way that is acceptable to them. That is not exactly what I would consider something that would entice me to want to serve someone.

It is totally differant to want to help someone you care for, to take part of the load to lighten theirs and make more mutual time available, or even just to be nice to them, compared to being expected to do the crap jobs because someone considers you right to do a task that is personally beneath them. One would make me feel happy, helpful and good, the other would build resentment.

Same tasks, differant attitudes by the person the tasks are preformed for. You could be assured that most folks would do a far better and more thourough job in the first situation.

Just my thoughts
Master Jack's,
Willow

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 2:42:23 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I don't believe submissives should bear children to begin with. Bear in mind, this is coming from someone who doesn't have children, so perhaps my understanding is skewed.

Raising children is a HUGE endeavor, requiring an enormous amount of time and effort. It seems to me that it would severely divert one's attention from serving one's dominant. Additionally, it would have a serious negative impact on the sexual relationship (no running around the house naked, no random, middle of the day spankings on the couch, no spontaniety (sp?)in general). When I've been with dominants in the past, critical parts of our sex life including me being naked at all times and being "used" sexually several (4-5) times per day at his whim, in various rooms of the house. I can't imagine being content in a D/s relationship were that constant sexual vibe wasn't present or possible. How can the sex be fun if you plan when to have it? I like to know that my dominant can grab me at any random moment when I least expect it, force me to my knees on the living room floor, and have his way with me.BDSM doesn't sound very exciting if you only get to do kinky stuff after the kids go to bed, and then have to be quiet on top of it so they don't hear.

For those reasons, as well as several other unrelated reasons, I made the choice to have my tubes tied and end my fertility. I just don't feel that a D/s relationship would be very fulfilling if a large portion of your time is dedicated to child-raising and if you cannot have spontaneous sex on a regular basis.

That said, I do have other things I'd rather be doing than cleaning my dominant's house...but it's about what makes him happy. I actually detest housework, but who said being a submissive was always going to be easy?

On a side note, I'd love to see statistics on the number of child-free people in the Lifestyle. I have a theory that the percentage is higher for us than for vanilla folks.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 2/5/2007 3:00:34 AM >

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 2:52:01 AM   
xGoddessx


Posts: 81
Status: offline 		I think probably for you, you have made the right choice.  It's good that you know what you want, and don't bring kids in the picture if they will hinder your happiness (I am sure kids can feel that).
 
I think it depends on the M/s relationship whether kids should be had.  For Master and myself, we are a loving couple on top of the bdsm part.  We want to have a family together and will take whatever comes with that.  It might take some away from our "play" time, but it will give us a whole other part to the dynamic.  To some its losing something, to us its adding.  My Master will come first (because he will be their father and I trust him in raising them), then the children second.  I don't mean that in a bad way, but since we are going to be a family, I believe that the man is the head of the house, partnered with the mother, then the kids "below" them.
 
I guess I am used to living in our world though where the slave doesn't walk around naked all day (ppl drop by) and real life work gets in the way of taking me 3 or 4 times a day.  I am pretty content in our world of a million details of so-called normal life, but to each their own...we must do what makes us the most happy and content in life.
 
Drea

_____________________________



Still SlaveAkasha...but needing to just be me...if that makes sense.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 2:56:38 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I believe in "to each their own" but I don't think that I will ever, on a personal level, understand the urge of a submissive woman to have children. But then again, I never wanted children anyway (even before I discovered the lifestyle.)

As for running around naked, well people drop by my place too.However, I almost always run around naked or scantily clad even when single (as I am now) so my friends are used to me saying "Hold on, I gotta put on some clothes!" My friends and family also know to call before they come over.

I work as well....but I work nights, so I'm "available" during the day :) I've been fortunate to be with dominants who had complimentary schedules which allowed for a very active sex life.

I respect that different things make different folks happy..For me, my sex life is very important and I don't want it relegated to something we do "after the kids go to bed."


< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 2/5/2007 2:58:58 AM >

(in reply to xGoddessx)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 3:56:47 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Very, very well put.

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 5:53:56 AM   
bluetooth


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/8/2004
Status: offline 		there is no such thing as a slave with children, or a husband.  the only exceptions to this are if the children are your dom's and if the husband is your dom as well. eing a slave requires complete commitment, body mind, and sould.  having other intimate family priorities cannot cannot coexist with this.  someone may want to be a slave, and have the mindset to be a slave, but that is no different from my grandfather playing in the nfl.  it simply cannot be done, and to say otherwise is saying that your desires are reality.

< Message edited by bluetooth -- 2/5/2007 5:54:36 AM >

(in reply to Bignipplessub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 6:29:37 AM   
BobTheMaster


Posts: 18
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

I believe in "to each their own" but I don't think that I will ever, on a personal level, understand the urge of a submissive woman to have children. But then again, I never wanted children anyway (even before I discovered the lifestyle.)

As for running around naked, well people drop by my place too.However, I almost always run around naked or scantily clad even when single (as I am now) so my friends are used to me saying "Hold on, I gotta put on some clothes!" My friends and family also know to call before they come over.

I work as well....but I work nights, so I'm "available" during the day :) I've been fortunate to be with dominants who had complimentary schedules which allowed for a very active sex life.

I respect that different things make different folks happy..For me, my sex life is very important and I don't want it relegated to something we do "after the kids go to bed."



I am totally in agreement here - for me kids are not something i feel i need to be happy in life - however being able to make use of my girl 4 or 5 times a day every day or more whenever i chose to would make me happy - all i need to do now is collar me a girl as happy as Geekygirl is with that arrangement lol. As for sickdays, well i believe its part of a good masters responsiblity to look after the wellbeing of his slave, if she is sick then her primary resposibility is to get well again, and a good master should do what he can to facilitate that. I would order my girl to bed if it came to it and bloody tie her down if i had to lol

< Message edited by BobTheMaster -- 2/5/2007 6:42:13 AM >

(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 6:42:26 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

there is no such thing as a slave with children, or a husband.  the only exceptions to this are if the children are your dom's and if the husband is your dom as well
Some how I find this statement contradicting itself. Marriage will not make the difference of commitment nor the validity of a M/s dynamic.

I do agree that having children makes things complicated, and even more so if the slaves mindset stays and remains of her own demand that anything remain above or more important than the Owner. I also agree that marriage to a slave breaks that defined seperation between the Owner and slave. These are just Masters and my views. We bare these in mind, and not all want or can given the current times we live in. We don't deny reality of things but keeping a certain mindset does help keep the dynamic in perspective for us as well as keep it the main base inwhich we operate and navigate through the here and now.

Might as well just say there are no such things as slaves period because consentuality removes that just as easily as your above quote Sir. Pretty much can remove submissive to because it doesn't come in the form of pick and choose..turn on or off at whim. It simply just is a trait either there or it is not.

I'm quite happy just being me but without putting yourself somewhere in this spectrum of labeling..it does make communication or attempts to find like minds alittle more difficult.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to bluetooth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 6:42:33 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you. My owner comes first..unless their are copious amounts of blood or the next words out of my kiddo's mouth include "..the house is on fire"( and only because my owner has made that the priority)..My adult relationship comes first because that is what ensures *his well-being*  and that he has all the things he needs in his little life to grow up to be a happy, functional, unspoiled, and grateful adult. I am a "single parent" by definition but I am not going to fall into that trap..two parent households where the dad is the bio-dad never seems to have this issue..it is only when a man not the bio-dad enters the picture do the masses scream he must come second to the child. Not in his house.

R controls all aspects of my kiddo's life, he makes all the decisions and very rarely in the last 7 years have I felt the need to say "R would you just consider x, y or z before you decide that?"..no different than my mom did to my dad when we kids wanted something and we just knew dad would say "no". We are a family, we are of my owner's family now, he makes the rules, and he makes good, sound decisions. If I didn't believe he could handle the "Well-being of my child" that would indicate that we have much bigger issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

quote:

A Dom should be secondary to your children. A child’s well being should be first.

Okies gotta chime in on this one. To my understanding of more previous family times in history..in a family dynamic..the Man came first, then the children, then the wife. Talking with my grandma who is now pushing 97..this was just how it was in those days from her time as a child growing up to her being a mother of 5 girls.  Even growing up for me..mom took care of dad first but they both took care of us children. We knew where we stood to, and it wasn't before dad or mom.

If you are in a dynamic where the Dominant is being trusted to control and run your life to the benefit of not only them but of you both..then I just do not understand how this trust could not be seen as being just as trust worthy of the Dominants trust and judgement of rearing children. You trust the Dominant to make decisions, and take care of the very nurturer, and comforter for the children..yet not the children themselves? I don't get it.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 2/5/2007 6:46:12 AM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 7:12:36 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bluetooth

there is no such thing as a slave with children, or a husband.  the only exceptions to this are if the children are your dom's and if the husband is your dom as well. eing a slave requires complete commitment, body mind, and sould.  having other intimate family priorities cannot cannot coexist with this.  someone may want to be a slave, and have the mindset to be a slave, but that is no different from my grandfather playing in the nfl.  it simply cannot be done, and to say otherwise is saying that your desires are reality.


So in essence, you're saying that only orphans with absolutely no familial connections or even close friends that may be considered family could be a "twue slave"? 

WOW!  

(in reply to bluetooth)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 7:16:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl
I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I don't believe submissives should bear children to begin with. Bear in mind, this is coming from someone who doesn't have children, so perhaps my understanding is skewed.

I think your reasoning makes perfect sense for yourself.  I don't think I'll ever get the desire to marry a slave other than for legal and medical benefits myself.

As far as statistics, I haven't noticed a difference so far, but that may change as floods of younger generations come into the scene BEFORE they settle into a vanilla life, rather than after as the majority do today.  I think it's more that scene people have older children not at home or who need regular supervision.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 7:55:48 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I think you make a valid point LuckyAlbatross...Because of my age, I'm not really thinking in terms of having children BEFORE one gets into the Lifestyle. BDSM has always been a part of my adult life (Even before I was seriously involved in it, I knew I had a desire to be involved in it one day). Therefore, it is hard for me to understand how others may feel who lived vanilla lives in their past. An interest in submission and the things that go with it has been a part of me ever since I passed puberty, so sometimes it is hard for me to understand how one could live half their adult life and then wake up one day and decide they want to be in the lifestyle. For me, it's just part of who I am and always have been, and deciding not to have children came naturally.

As for stastics, I don't know numbers but I do know that being child-free by choice seems more "acceptable"  in the BDSM world. My vanilla acquaintenances constantly nag me about it even to the point of implying that there is something "wrong" with me and my BDSM friends do not do this. Also when I have been approached by vanilla men, usually a sure fire way to send them running is to tell them I do not want kids! It's very rare that I meet a dominant who is scared away by such.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days�... - 2/5/2007 8:47:03 AM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

i have to say i agree totally with starshineowned. For me is is Master first, then my children, and somewhere down the list is me. i trust Master 100% when it comes to decisions concerning the health, welfare, and happiness of my children and myself. No He is not the father of my children but as an example i went to buy cards for them for valentines day and He told me He was buying them because they are part of me and so He loves them as He loves me. At the moment they are in another state with their father but Master wants them to be able to come here and i know He would treat them as His own as i see Him with my sisters children. So for me no matter how i feel about cleaning my Master house and some days i do look at it as a major chore, i know i am doing something to make life easier and better for Him so with that thought in my mind i do it with a happy heart.
viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 40
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