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deleted - 3/7/2005 1:06:04 PM

lookingwithin04

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/8/2004
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Thanks everyone for your responses i appreciate it

< Message edited by lookingwithin04 -- 3/8/2005 12:09:05 PM >

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 2:43:13 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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My personal opinion is this. There is no "good way" of telling anyone (especially a woman) that she needs to lose weight. I am happy with the way that I look, even though the doctor's office here says I need to lose about 20 pounds.
Look at it this way, it's like having a woman tell you "Listen, I think you're a nice guy but your penis is just too small, sorry, this just won't work, it turns me off"
Sure, you could do something about it, but it would hurt you just the same.

Chances are she knows if she needs to lose weight (operative word being "needs"), especially if hints have been dropped.

I can't tell you what to do as far as being so hung up on looks, except to either get over it or move on. That's just my opinion though and you are welcome to disagree.

(in reply to lookingwithin04)

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 2:49:51 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

and girls if you were the girl what would you be accepting of?

Believe me every woman that is overweight knows it and doesn't have to be told. In most cases diets don't work, they are a temporary fix and most will gain back more than they lost when they quit the "diet". To be successful in weight loss one needs to change their way of life permanently. For me the South Beach plan has done that, but it may not be for everyone.

One thing you can do that might help is to suggest activites you can do together that involve exercise--walking, cycling, etc. You could also mention something you heard on the news or on Oprah or another show about healthy eating, for example switching to all whole grains for your straches. If you emphasize health rather than weight loss it might be more accepted. Good luck with it and remember you can't do it for her, that will just cause resentment, she has to do it herself.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 3:13:57 PM

siamsa24

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I just thought of something else, you don't seem to have a profile so I don't know if you are doing this and am not assuming that you are.
But, I hate it when men ask women to lose weight when they should turn that critiquing eye upon themselves. If you are one if these people then please stop. Now.

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 3:59:41 PM

Cyis75

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
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The sad point is here in the US obesity is on the rise so it's a fair assessment thta many could stand to lose a few pounds... I know I'd love to lose a few poinds and get back to where I was a few years ago. But alas I'm a computer geek that spends more time sitting in front of a computer and not nearly enough time out exercising as I should be.

So the short answer from me would be that if you were to go ahead and try to suggest in any way to this lady that she lose some weight be prepared to have a can of whoop ass opened up on you. As was suggested maybe take the critical look back at yourself. Take it upon yourself to change your lifestyle to be a bit more healther and possible ask her if she'd care to join you, but dare not say or think about it being that she need to lose any weight. I know for myself having someone to go exercise with me is a lot more motivational than doing it myself.

After a few years of living with the opposite sex I've learned there's a few things you are just best not addressing and treating like a big purple elephant in the middle of the room that you go around. Weight is one of them.

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 4:14:56 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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Should this thread be called; "I love/like you - butt..."?

Whose image are you worried about, hers or yours? If your superficiality precluded you having a relationship with this person, that's your loss and her gain.

This is the same thing as people getting together with someone anticipating changing them after they become intimate. You either like a person for what he/she is AS a person or you don't.

beth smokes. she smoked when we met, she's tried to quit for years. Smoking is more addicting than heroin. One of the concerns she had at the beginning of our relationship was that I'd make her stop if she became my slave. I know, and she knows I have that authority. I even outlined a 20 step punishment program for her if she should ever decide to REALLY want to quit. At that point she will not have the choice to smoke.

But as I told her, when we met smoking was a part of what she was. As much as wanting to be a slave was who she was. It was part of the package. My decision regarding her smoking was the determination if it was important enough not to have a relationship with her. It wasn't. It isn't. You should consider the same thing when it comes to your friend. Her weight is part of what she is. The decision and problem is with you.

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 4:18:00 PM

siamsa24

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Joined: 2/2/2004
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quote:

Whose image are you worried about, hers or yours? If your superficiality precluded you having a relationship with this person, that's your loss and her gain.

quote:

The decision and problem is with you.

Well said, Merc, well said. I could not agree with you more.

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RE: What would you do or say? - 3/7/2005 10:04:24 PM

uncollaredcandy

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/18/2005
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Speaking as an overweight woman, she knows how she looks, better than you do I'm sure. And as well meaning as you are, if she doesn't recognize that she has a problem, and refuses help there is nothing you can do. I remeber my mother placing "inspirational" books in my room, or tearing out magazine articles to "help me" and they only cause me more pain. What is begining to help me is the good example set by my mom, she has lost 10 dress sizes. If an old woman can do it so can I. It's slow going, but I am trying and thats the first step for me. But if you can't take your lady the way she is, leave the poor girl alone. She has enough trouble.

Candy

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