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RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 5:38:15 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raphael

First punish the transgression.

Then deal with whatever the other thing is.

Punish... why is everything always met with punishment.. He shouldnt have asked her to cleain his office if he had things in there he didnt want to see.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Raphael)

Post #: 21

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 5:48:43 PM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
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I was handed information about a friend of mine once, and reading it did change my feelings about him. We spoke about it and cleared it up. My point is that there are two issues here: one is that the sub read information that wasn't directly intended for their eyes, and I agree with most opinions already posted.

But I think if dealing with it ended there, it would be a shame. There probably needs to be some very open and honest discussions about the content of what the sub saw, and now knows, and how they feel about it. Then for the Dominant to process any feelings they have about the unintended exposure.

Interesting quandry, and one that has the chance to really bring them closer; or not.

_____________________________

Just through all of your ups and downs ... know that I love you dearly.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 22

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 7:54:13 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

if she did a good job cleaning, give her a nice spanking...

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 23

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:02:26 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

The submissive is doing what they were told to do.

mmmmmm so... explain to me How ... Being told to "Clean" the office... Leads to "Read" private letters.

Maybe.. and I say "Maybe" what was not shared to the submissive was wrong..... but that doesn't excuse a person reading private letters that they had no permission to read in the first place... Which is without question...Wrong!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:05:33 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

He shouldnt have asked her to cleain his office if he had things in there he didnt want to see.

Magik's slave

mmmmmmm why shouldn't he ask her... ... Just maybe he trusted her not to snoop into private letters that she had no permission to read in the first place.... Just maybe he thought his trust in her was well founded... Unfortunately... he would find out that it is not.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 25

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:08:06 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
We'd talk about it openly and honestly.
Actually this happened to myself and my partner when we moved. I cleaned out and filed all his old cards and letters- this included valentines and anniversary cards from his ex-wife. When I got to the personal stuff, I asked him if he wanted me to keep going and if it was ok to read or not. IMO that's just common courtesy. If he hadn't been around to ask, I'd have put everything personal into a box and asked when he was next around. He thought about it and decided that he wanted to be open with me and knew that I'd do a better job at organizing them than he would.

So I spent a few days reading them all and organizing by person and date. I learned a lot of gaps and such, nothing shocking or life-altering, just painting more strokes on the canvas. The things that piqued my interest on, we talked about. It was a great experience for us both- his memories and my learning about him.

Wow, this a almost the same that has happen with us.. only we threw out 90% and i only had to file, frame, or organize 10%. ... but we are moving there are some boxes in the attic not done yet.. LOL...

quote:

IMO if you want someone in your life well enough to be cleaning out your desk for you, there's nothing in the papers that should make much difference anyway.

excellent point LA, it seemed to bother the sub more then the Dom was concerned enough to get rid of the papers before the new relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:17:24 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

We'd talk about it openly and honestly.

Actually this happened to myself and my partner when we moved. I cleaned out and filed all his old cards and letters- this included valentines and anniversary cards from his ex-wife. When I got to the personal stuff, I asked him if he wanted me to keep going and if it was ok to read or not. IMO that's just common courtesy. If he hadn't been around to ask, I'd have put everything personal into a box and asked when he was next around. He thought about it and decided that he wanted to be open with me and knew that I'd do a better job at organizing them than he would.

So I spent a few days reading them all and organizing by person and date. I learned a lot of gaps and such, nothing shocking or life-altering, just painting more strokes on the canvas. The things that piqued my interest on, we talked about. It was a great experience for us both- his memories and my learning about him.

IMO if you want someone in your life well enough to be cleaning out your desk for you, there's nothing in the papers that should make much difference anyway.

I really like this post.... for two reasons.

1... it shows a respect for a person's privacy... it shows a respect not to step without the invite. She asked... In alot of ways this shows me how much she cares for her partner here.. as well as showing how secure she is with him as well.... His response in the end... showed how secure he is with her... Because he gave the go ahead.. which leads me to 2

2... becuase of the respect for each other and their security with each other... they demonstrated a desire to be open and honest with each other.... They turned this situation into one of growth and further deeping of a connection between the two of them.

A great example of a healthy loving and growing relationship

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 7:21:38 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

He shouldnt have asked her to cleain his office if he had things in there he didnt want to see.

Magik's slave

mmmmmmm why shouldn't he ask her... ... Just maybe he trusted her not to snoop into private letters that she had no permission to read in the first place.... Just maybe he thought his trust in her was well founded... Unfortunately... he would find out that it is not.

Look people are curiouse it is in our nature. No she should not have taken the liberty to read what she was fileing but really come on if he was stupid enough to have stuff he didnt want her to read things that he was HIDEING from her then really why should she get punished for his stupidity. If I was hideing pot in my dresser draw I would NOT ask my mom to please put my loundrey away. Common sence poeple common sence (ok so common sence dont seem to be so common)

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 28

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 7:37:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
A great example of a healthy loving and growing relationship

Thanks :) It was a lot of fun for me!

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 29

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 9:19:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Just maybe he trusted her not to snoop into private letters that she had no permission to read in the first place.... Just maybe he thought his trust in her was well founded... Unfortunately... he would find out that it is not.

But trust is a two way street. Maybe, just maybe the slave had suspicions and that was what led to reading the letters. Perhaps sometimes it is better to get the answers to lies than it is to have some sort of sense of false intergrity when one is lied to. Those who live lies have a hard time getting my sympathy when they are discovered. It sounds like some lies of omission occurred here.

I found out my husband had cheated on me by reading a letter I intercepted. Funny, never felt a damn bit bad about that one. I suspected before I opened up his private correspondence too, or I would never have done so. I am not into reading private things. Unless it will have an impact on me, it is kinda boring to be honest.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 30

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 11:32:27 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

She should be dragged by horses four miles through London to Smithfield. There she should be hanged, as a snoop, but cut down while still alive. Then she should be mutilated and disembowelled. For the crimes of being overtly nosy to Domiguy, her heart, liver, lungs and entrails should be cast upon a fire, and, finally, her head chopped off. Her carcase should then be cut up into bits. Her head set on a pole on London Bridge, another part sent to Newcastle, the rest to Berwick, Perth and Stirling (or perhaps Aberdeen), as a warning to the Scots.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/9/2007 11:33:27 AM >

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 31

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 11:55:54 AM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

What transgression? In the OP the slave was ordered to tidy the office. You can't file unless you know the contents of what you are fileing.... no indication was given that she'd been told "Don't go in that draw or in that folder whatever.

The slave happened to stumble over information whilst carrying out her assigned task, she wasn't 'snooping'

OK, that's one way to read it. If that's actually what happened, you're right.

The way I read it, the slave didn't have any reason to read whatever was read, and knew better.

I suppose the original posting leaves room to be interpreted either way.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 32

RE: What would you do if... - 2/9/2007 9:09:38 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

IMO...possibly the reason the Dominant requested the submissive to clean his office was that deep down he knew she would find these "sensitive letters" and read them thus enabling him to open up communication on certain aspects of his life that he had difficulty in sharing......or maybe not...lol...Tempting

(in reply to Raphael)

Post #: 33

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 1:08:49 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

first ask why he ir she went through personal papers ? then sit him or her down for a long talk about these things were not meant for him or her to know it is not that she or he does not want him it is in the pass and reassure him or her that you still want him and he need not have anyfear of your leaving but never do this again it is a breach of personal information.

it is normal for many people tto go through paper it is normal but he was so wrong punishment is to be given i am one for not speaking to a slave for a week or longer.

mons

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 34

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 7:53:10 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

But trust is a two way street. Maybe, just maybe the slave had suspicions and that was what led to reading the letters. Perhaps sometimes it is better to get the answers to lies than it is to have some sort of sense of false intergrity when one is lied to. Those who live lies have a hard time getting my sympathy when they are discovered. It sounds like some lies of omission occurred here.

So... suspicions are permissions to betray trust! Oh that is just dandy... So much for Trust being a two way street. You have have irrational emotional fears that lead to suspecions and suddenly you are excused to take actions that betray trust.

suspicions are not facts! Suspicions do not give permission for a person to behave inappropriately or with less integrity.

I don't have much use for liars... but I have even less use for those that justify their own dishonorable actions by the actions of others.. I call them Hypocrites

If you have suspicions... then confront them with honor and integrity.. .... Two wrongs do not make it right.

Just maybe... if a person has suspicisons... they have have the courage to face it with integrity

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 2/10/2007 8:00:31 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 35

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 8:01:37 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

Do you know or are you at liberty to convey more about what the category of the disclosure involved? Past relationship? Financial?

Yes, given the circumstances, no harm will come from me telling more info. What the slave found were old emails, letters, contracts, various written documents that related to previoud subs and slaves. This slave is new, pretty young, and it's her first d/s relationship, so it's possible he was keeping things from her because he thought she couldn't handle the knowledge at that point in time. What she found were things that scared her like details, requirements of, of his previous M/s relationships that appalled her (a few things that would have been hard limits for her.) She became nervous about what he might want from her in the future. I am friends with this girl as she's close to my age. As it turns out, she decided to leave him, for various reasons so it's a moot point now.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 36

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 8:03:42 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

So the word strangulation jumped out at him from the page. Naturally he got scared and read it. He discovers that you used to do this with rope around the neck till the person passed out. He's terrified of you doing this to him and you've never given him parameters about breath play so now you have to talk about it. Punishing him for reading papers you told him to and refusing to discuss his fears will lose you a good relationship and cause the sub to have one foot out the door.

LOL ;) Geeezeee! not my relationship, or even a male sub for that matter. I agree entirely with you. Yes, it was along those lines, not strangulation, but it was about edgy activities that the girl felt very nervous about knowing this man was into, him not ever having mentioned it before in about 6 months.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 37

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 8:07:14 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

she needs to tuck tail and run and you need to organize your life and put your past to rest. Then with the next potential slave, be open and honest, and don't leave incriminating papers laying around. That is a indirect confession waiting to be found.

Hey, just a side note, again, this is not my relationship. I was asking a hypothetical question based on something that happened to a friend and what her master did to her for it. My intuitiion was that the whole thing was wrong (punishment not fitting the crime, etc.) And I am a straight female with a slightly submissive boyfriend and we live together and don't hide things from each other. So I appreciate the intentions but I want to clear up any miscommunication here. The Dominant in the scenario is not me.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to BeatMeDaily)

Post #: 38

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 8:11:54 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Look people are curiouse it is in our nature. No she should not have taken the liberty to read what she was fileing but really come on if he was stupid enough to have stuff he didnt want her to read things that he was HIDEING from her then really why should she get punished for his stupidity. If I was hideing pot in my dresser draw I would NOT ask my mom to please put my loundrey away. Common sence poeple common sence (ok so common sence dont seem to be so common)

Magik's slave

Yup... he was stupid... ... I guess that excuses her for take inappropriate behavior.. to read what she had no permission to read.

And NO... I don't buy this crap... she needed to read it to know how to sort it. that is stretching the truth to justify her own failings.

"mmmmmmm Letters... well put them in this pile.. when he gets back.... I will ask him if he wants them to be sorted into smaller groups.. I would need to read them. Let him decide then... " Gosh how simple is that.... but fact is... she took liberties!

Taking Liberties that is not alot different than being Disobedient. Liberties.. is something that my slaves know they don't have... and fortunately I can trust mine not to take liberties beyond what has been given to them by me.

Just so know.. I have more than a few private letters in my den... never had to worry about them.. and never will. When I tell my girls to sort and order my den... they know their place! Integrity seems to be even rarier than common sense.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 39

RE: What would you do if... - 2/10/2007 10:40:33 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Hey Knight Sir.. trust me I understand what you are saying here and the truth is they where both wrong it happens.. But in these cases I just dont know it seems highly not right for her to be punished for her missdeed which in my opinion are much less then his and for him to get away with his just because he is a Dom.. Now I hear they have brocken up which honestly I would do the same... I dont like beeing lied to about anything let alone what my Master is into.. Master has told me all the things he has tried and that he has liked. he knows some of them I have never done and some of them scare me but he didnt hide them from me. May I one day be expected to do any of these given things, maybe but only if or when Im ready for them(he has told me that. And he also know I trust him with my life and know he wont harm me and there for have no limits with him save for the limits he has set forth which Im lucky are very close to the limits I would have) but how can this girl have ever hoped to be ready for activitys her Master likes and may one day requier of her if she doesnt know about them. ALL these things have to come out befor teh relationship begins sprining them on after is deal breaking.. Like 6 months into a relationship a Master says oh yeah and you will be sleeping with other girls.... That is something neigotiated BEFOR the relationship starts.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 2/10/2007 10:42:01 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 40

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