Elorin
Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Stephann
So, brief rehash; a bottom is someone who is typically 'receiving' in a play scene. A top is someone who is typically 'doing' or 'inflicting' in a play scene. A play scene, typically, won't extend for long periods of time, and generally doesn't carry a great deal of social interaction. The caveat is that all of my statements, while generally true, will generally fail to describe most scenes. Top and bottom, like Sadist and masochist, typically refer to a preference in fetish related activities.
I'm assuming you mean, by fetish related activities, the B&D (bondage and discipline) and S&M (sadomasochism) aspects of BDSM, but not the D/s (dominance and submission)
quote:
Dominant and submissive, on the other hand, are inherent character traits; we all possess both traits, and different people will trigger those traits differently.
I disagree. There are those who are naturally dominant or submissive (inherent character traits) but there are ALSO those who ~choose~ to be A dominant, or A submissive (consensually give or take control in relationships). And the chosen roles are the ones we most often talk about in BDSM forums, not inherent character.
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In most of my relationships, vanilla or otherwise, I gravitate towards the dominant role. There are a couple of people in my life whom, due to vast age difference or professional expectations, I am submissive to. I don't actively seek relationships where I would be submissive; I'm simply not comfortable in the role.
You are naturally dominant, and you are socially apt enough to give way to those in higher roles than you. But you do not CHOOSE to be a submissive.
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By the same token, I am an intense person, and more passionate in my regular relationships than most people are comfortable with. Thus, it tends to be natural that they either avoid me, or the assume a submissive role for casual interaction (say, at a party, or a conversation, etc.)
Do they assume a submissive role, choosing to be submissive or are they socially apt enough to let you be dominant and give way to your personality?
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It isn't something we negotiate ahead of time, it's not something I bring up with vanilla people; it just is what comes, naturally. Occasionally, I will come across people who are also extremely dominant, and I consider it courtesy, as Elorin suggested, not to 'inflict' my will on them, so to speak. Occasionally, they are not willing to be polite enough to hold their own dominance in check as I do, and eventually I will avoid interaction with them.
See, I wasn't speaking of vanilla interactions. I am a dominant, I choose to be a dominant, and the only one I submit to is Sir. When I am at a BDSM play party (like last night) I have no desire to dominate the other dominants. I respect them, I give them equal time in conversations, and they do the same as me. I respect they also have chosen to be dominants. I don't tell them what to do. If they do not respect me, or if they try to tell me what to do (on the basis of my gender, my submisssion to Sir, or anything else), I stop associating with them. But this isn't vanilla interactions I'm talking about. (Though it is the same social skill of not trying to control those you meet in the vanilla world just because you are a dominant in the D/s world.)
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Being a switch, then, is just the expression that "I am not always dominant/submissive with everyone" or "I like to play both sides of the whip."
Being a switch isn't "I am not always Dominant with everyone" or "I am not always submissive with everyone." As your example of vanilla interactions, AND my example of BDSM interactions show, we are NOT always Dominant/submissive with people, even if we are of one role. Being a switch is "I choose to submit to some, and to Dominate others." and then of course...it can be AND/OR playing both sides of the whip.
Thank you Stephann for your posts, i enjoy reading them (though I disagreed with this particular one).
~Elorin
(D/s and top/bottom switch not to mention sadist and occasional masochist)
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RE: being a switch is a choice - 
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