gypsygrl
Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
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Interesting. I hadn't quite thought of it as a fear thing, and it's true I've been frightened by men, but its also true that I've been frightened by women. So, its hard for me to type cast with any degree of consistency.
I also can't say that I would go by myself to a club or event where I knew open male masturbation was accepted. But, I don't go into bars by myself either, or any kind of entertaiment kind of place. In fact, the only social event I've attended by myself (outside of mother's groups) have been bd/sm events and I was only comfortable doing that because I got to know people, including the event organizers, at a couple of munches first. But, that's not really the issue.
Its really hard for me to accept the latent assumption that all men who might want to masturbate at a bdsm event are potentially violent and using their penis as a weapon. I understand that something like that might make someone uncomfortable, especially if one has experienced sexual violence, but to fail to distinguish between open masturbation in a controlled situation and violent crime seems kind of like assuming that all sadists are criminals or psychologically unsound or all heterosexual sex is rape.
At the events I attended, when somone was going to do an edgy scene (needle play, fire, breath play or something like that) the dungeon master would go around and tell everyone what was about to happen so folks who might be uncomfortable absent themselves. This seemed a fair way to allow for people's different tolerances while letting others pursue their own version of happiness. At the first play party I attended there was a scene that involved a plastic bag over the bottom's head, and it triggered something from my childhood and I started to freak out. So, I left the dungeon area. I really don't see a difference between that and someone being uncomfortable with a guy jacking off.
If the resistance does have to do with fear, I guess I'm wondering if it makes sense to let our own fears based on our own biographies control determine what happens at a bd/sm event. I don't like being controlled by my fear and try to not let that happen, and I can't see any justification for using my fear to control someone else.
I'm also struck by the assumption that if male masturbation is tolerated it will lead to a slippery slope of ending with crowds of men standing in circles, dick in hand, pumping away and recklesly spewing their spunk. Boxes of tissues placed around the play space would probably be enough to stop any spermy downpour. The assumption doesn't say much for general opinions about men.
I dunno. There seems to be a double standard where male sexuality is treated as a dangerous force thus subjected to greater social controls, and women's sexuality is considered to be innocuous and thus less subject to restraint. Of course, this carries with it the age old assumption of female passivity and weakness. Of course we can beat our meat in (semi-) public because it doesn't threaten anyone. Maybe it should.
< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 2/12/2007 4:59:04 PM >
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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin
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RE: Masturbating & Public Play - 
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When i watch a scene, i will often see men getting a hardon, but i never interrupt, i just see it as a natural reaction.
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