St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (Full Version)

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Rafters -> St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 10:48:28 AM)

It's a rough draft, but I figure this is a the place to get the constructive criticism

It's St Valentines time shortly, so here some advice regarding those ripe, brightly coloured, and so covered in spikes you know they're Natures way of saying "Whose the Momma?"

1) Roses are natural and fresh, which means crawling with crap you don't want inside your subbie. So Roses should be washed, soaped and if used near orifices waxed. (Actually so should subbies too, but we'll save that for another post)
Take special care with thorns, their matt absorbant design is bad news from a bug count perspective, and they hospitalize vanilla gardeners.

2) Their ends are pointy, rough and ooze sap, so souldn't be put in a sub. They should be stored in a vase when out. You can kill two birds with one stone here and use a cucumber cut in half as both a vase and convienent way to inser^W giving your sub half a dozen roses.

3) Remember that cucumbers aren't designed for anal play, cut a groove around them first (alla butt plug) and stick a skewer through them to stop them going boldly going where foreign objects should go.

4) Roses or cucumbers aren't designed to uretheral play, Use heat shrink tube to attach a rose to a conventional sound. Learners should do this beforehand. Health concious sadists might hold an icecube where the sound meets the flesh, while they shrink the tubing.

5) Take care while standing your subbie on her head, to use as a vase in the ancient Japanese "ready of be eaten like an icecream cone" position. Too long upside down might cause too much blood to go to her head and fainting, falling and her head to explode.

6) While subbies pelvis is holding the roses at a convenient height, now is the time to consider plucking the petals so you can use the stalks later as a birch for flogging.
If you're a lazy Dom, hold a magic wand against the stalks to shake the petals off.
If you're a techie Dom, hold the wand against the subbie pelvis and see how well it transmits sympathetic vibrations through the cucumber and up the shaft.
You may want to nick the base of the petals with a scapel to make them fall off faster, or add a dab of superglue if it isn't a work night.

7) Chocolate

Thanks Martha Stewart



NightWindWhisper -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 11:57:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rafters

1) Roses are natural and fresh, which means crawling with crap you don't want inside your subbie. So Roses should be washed, soaped



For absolute infection control one can easily sterilize them.  One hour in an oven turned to 400 degrees should make them safe--at least from a bacterial point of view.  The thorns might still be problematic.

Perhaps the safest way to give roses to your subbie is to buy several hundred roses, pluck the petals, run the petals with some water in a food processor to make a sort of thick soup.  Then using either an iron skillet, or if you don't have that, add a dozen lange nails (yes, like the nails you put in wood) and then slowly cook the mix for several hours.  Eventually the sludge turns purplish black and get's thicker.  When barely pourable dump this sludge onto a cookie sheet so that the layer of this stuff is about 1/2" thick.  Let it dry until you can take a knife and cut it vertically and horizontally into a 1/2" grid.  Now you have several hundred 1/2 squares.  At a certain point you can take one square and roll it in your hands to a sphere.  Then insert a large needle like a carpet needle.  Let these dry for several days.  They will shrink to about 1/3 their original size.  Now you have several hundred beads made only of rose petals.  String them, get a clasp, and annoint them with rose essential oil and voila you have a totally natural safe beaded necklace (or collar if you want) made of rose petals and your subbie will be both amazed at your acumen and delighted at the amazing aroma that will last for months or more.

(These were very commonly made during the Victorian era.  I've made many this way.  If you want a bead to see, send me an note with an addy to mail one to.  I think I have some left, if not you'll not get one until June.)



proudsub -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 3:48:12 PM)

Those thorns aren't getting anywhere near me, but i'll take the chocolate, sugar free of course.[:)]



Rafters -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 9:30:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rafters

1) Roses are natural and fresh, which means crawling with crap you don't want inside your subbie. So Roses should be washed, soaped


For absolute infection control one can easily sterilize them.  One hour in an oven turned to 400 degrees should make them safe--at least from a bacterial point of view.  The thorns might still be problematic.


Some newpapers have claimed that 2 minutes in the microwave will sterilise most damp (dry ones ignite) sponges and tea towels.
Though because of the glossy coating of the roses shaft, steam might not vent gracefully and splitting or worse occurs.

Thanks for the recipe, I might see how my time and labour situation look during a rainy afternoon. Dividing the numbers by 10 make it a nice little project.



Rafters -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 9:41:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Those thorns aren't getting anywhere near me, but i'll take the chocolate, sugar free of course.[:)]


Thorns are a real world risk [1] that should not be underestimated not just for the vase emulating subbies but also their masters fingers. And should either be replaced or coated in something that'll survive wear and tear, which doesn't leave much to choose from.


[1]
Tetanus (most people are immunised, a decade at a time)
Sporotrichosis (Sporo for short) is a fungal disease present in sphagnum moss, soil, on rose thorns, and decomposing organic matter.
The fungus enters skin through cuts and scratches on fingers, arms or legs.
Sporotrichosis Symptoms
Once the mold spores move into the skin, the disease takes days-to-months to develop.
The first symptom is a firm bump (nodule) on the skin that can range in color from pink to nearly purple. The nodule is usually painless or only mildly tender.
Over time, the nodule may develop an open sore (ulcer) that may drain clear fluid.
Untreated, the nodule and the ulcer become chronic and may remain unchanged for years.
In about 60% of cases, the mold spreads along the lymph nodes. Over time, new nodules and ulcers spread in a line up the infected arm or leg. These can also last for years.
In very rare cases, the infection can spread to other parts of the body.
The disease can infect the bones, joints, lungs, and brain.
Such spreading usually occurs only in people with a weakened immune system.
These infections can be life threatening and are difficult to treat.



smilezz -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/11/2007 9:50:05 PM)

I'll take the Thorns, proudsub  *grinz*   you can have ALL the chocolate, sugar-free too.  (i hate chocolate)

It's gonna be an odd Valentines Day this year.......

~smilezz~



ELUSIVE1 -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/12/2007 4:40:05 PM)

I never really gave 'germs' a thought....one of the hottest scenes I ever experienced was when the dom had me kneel on the bed before him, blindfolded...he then ran the single red rose over my face, under my nose...teased my entire front with it...then scraped a little on my breasts with the thorns...until he built up to just whipping my breasts with the rose...then climbed on me and took me so urgently....after, the petals had stained my skin, and the sheets....damn I would do that again in a heartbeat...guess I'll get a new tetnus shot



NightWindWhisper -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/12/2007 4:52:21 PM)

quote:

.then scraped a little on my breasts with the thorns...until he built up to just whipping my breasts with the rose...then climbed on me and took me so urgently....after, the petals had stained my skin, and the sheets....damn I would do that again in a heartbeat...guess I'll get a new tetnus shot
ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

Unless a scrape is extensive it is not a tetanus prone wound.  Neither are light scratches.  However if the thorns are pressed in deeply it can be a tetanus prone wound.  Tetanus cannot live where there is oxygen, this is why puncture wounds like a nail in the foot is dangerous.  Rule of thumb is that one is protected for about ten years after tetanus anti-toxin injection.  I recommend tetanus anti-toxin if a person has a puncture or other other tetanus prone wound and has not had an anti-toxin immunization for over 5 years.  It is not wise to get one if the last shot was less than five years because there is an increased risk of adverse effects.


Heck, put the roses in a vase, and just flog her with with a cat 'o nine tails flogger, then puncture her deeply with that impalement device that half of us carrry with us.... *evil grin*  No risk for tetanus there....



cjenny -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/12/2007 5:03:21 PM)

#6 made for interesting reading.
[:)]



Rafters -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/14/2007 10:17:50 PM)

On a lighter note, I spent my lunch break roaming the party, novelty and sex shops, for a weekend PP

No one sells Rubber roses [:D]



SeveredNeuron -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/14/2007 10:56:23 PM)

I wish we could email forum topics to people anonymously.


quote:

Hey sweetie.. whats that in your email.. ooo.. cool!! ..


Alas, poor vanilla boys just don't understand.



Rafters -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/14/2007 11:42:05 PM)

quote:

Alas, poor vanilla boys just don't understand.


Ifyou truly care about the direction his life is heading, or rather not heading

If you think he can be saved

Well lass, it looks like intervention time

You're just going to have to dim the lights, put on the slow music, curl up in his lap, make big doe eyes at them, lure him into conversation, before twisting and corrupting him til his moral compass becomes pretzel shaped.

He don't want the terrorists to win surely?

Don't forget, every dom here was once a sweet, inno...

Well ...Most doms here..

Some D..

Fuckit... all the more frustrated, kinky hotties for us [:D]



SeveredNeuron -> RE: St Valentines day sefety advice regarding Roses (2/15/2007 5:12:33 AM)

Hehe, corruption sure is fun,

Thanks for the idea Rafters, I owe you one!

- Ania



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