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Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 4:08:56 PM   
Shadows4Dom


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/14/2006
Status: offline 		  I hav a sub that has reminded me that I have a Manly sexual problem... E.D.
She originally stated during a play encounter that it didn't matter, and could be worked through. ( Now you must understand this sub is a trained RN, in the medical field ) I believed and loved her even more for accepting me as is.
 I orginally told her of my Nilla marriage and how my wife wanted nothing to do with me sexually for five years ( All the time our children were growing up ) I thought at the time that I was being honest and truthful.   Later she recanted and said that I was't truthful and couldn't submit because she needed a whole fully sexual  working Dom.
  So my question is: Should this Sub be held to her original statement of " It dosent matter, and can be worked out " OR ???

I believe the old addage applies here;  If you don't use it you"ll loose it.
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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 4:16:57 PM   
sensualmagirl


Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline 		Just my opinion as a submissive myself, but, if she recanted, maybe there's something else going on with her? Another reason entirely she doesn't want to tell you? Personally, I don't think I'd go back on my word to someone I truly cared about... and for that matter, something like your ED wouldn't stand in my way either (there are solutions and work-arounds).

I don't know the dynamics of your relationship with her, but, would you want to be with someone who goes back on her word? Could you trust her again? And how could you really hold her to her original statement?

Do you want to be with her is maybe the question you should ask of yourself.... It's your life and your heart you are dealing with. It's just my 2 cents here...  but, in reality, it's how you feel. 

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 4:42:58 PM   
NightWindWhisper


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps her original statement meant what she said: "...and can be worked out."  Perhaps she thought that it could be solved meaning that the ED would disappear, or at least lessen.  Within that one would have to ask have you attempted to work it out?

  The old adage does apply: "If you don't use it, you'll lose it." But not in the way you imply.  Non-use causes over time shrinkage in the corpus cavernosum and the penis does slowly lose girth and length, but it does not lose erectile function as a result of non-use, not at least to my knowledge.

  Have you defined if it is "head" related, or physical related?  If you achieve an occasional morning hard-on that lasts even ten minutes there is little wrong with the circulatory system and its valves.  If you do not ever get involuntary morning hard-on then it is likely circulatory or nerve related.  In the absence of diabetetic neuropathy or some similar illness it is likely circulatory.

  Have you consulted with a specialist (urologist)?  There are methods to bypass circulatory components giving you a new blood supply to the penis.  Have you tried Cialis?  If you have done none of these then you have made no effort (note: I am not implying that this is so) and with no effort it will not be "worked out" even if it can.  In this case I think that she should not be held to her original statement.

  Would you be happy with a woman that could not orgasm?  What if you thought her problem could be "worked out." And then, she made no effort to see if the problem could be remedied. 

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 5:50:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		How exactly do you plan to hold her to a statement that she admits that she no longer feels true towards?

Exactly how long was it between the initial statement and her recanting? 

She maybe honestly thought it wasn't an issue and has come to realize it is, or that she doesn't feel she has it in her to wait or work through it with her.

Be grateful for the honesty you are getting now, express regrets, and next time have the ED discussion BEFORE getting into bed with someone.



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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 7:03:24 PM   
NightWindWhisper


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

next time have the ED discussion BEFORE getting into bed with someone.
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Perhaps the next time get to know the person (which you may have done) well, as a friend, before entering the sexual arena.  What LuckyAlbatross doesn't understand is that for many men, (she's in her twenties) and you are older,  in time she shall find out....that a lot of ED is related to being in a comfort zone, and the relationship and the woman's response no in  can be doom or cure.  A woman who is in their forties or fifties are often much, much wiser, and realize that it's the relationship that really counts.  Affection, love and friendship count much more, I think as a person gets older.




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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 7:39:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you think I don't understand this issue then you have no conception of my past sexual experience.

I've had sex with well over 200 males in the past decade of my life, only about 10% of which were under the age of 35.  If you don't think I've dealt with ED from the "hot fuck in the car" to the "lifelong committed relationship" and every point in between level of intimacy, then you think wrongly.

There is a reason I'm a very good whore.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 7:46:33 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I have to believe that 'worked out' had different meanings to both of you. Since she's in the medical field she knows that there are various causes and treatments. Probably worked out for her meant you would seek to discover the cause and what could be done whereas you meant it would not enter into the relationship. If so, then your problem lies primarily in the fact that you two were not communicating clearly or effectively.

Indeed if you allowed her to talk about treatments and didn't immediately say that you were not willing to investigate any, then I would say that you were guilty of lying by omission. And no matter what she said then, she has been very clear that she isn't happy now. I do find it curious that rather than see a urologist, you prefer to whine that she isn't holding to her original statement which you must know will not do anything to change her mind.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 7:57:29 PM   
blushingflower


Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes we think that we can accept something, and then we discover that we can't.  While it sucks for everyone, especially for the person who gets "dumped", it's the way life is.  It's not fair to her to ask her to deal with something she finds untenable, and it's not fair to you either.  She may have meant "it happens, and there are treatments, so I'm not going to freak out because it's fixable" and then when it wasn't fixed, she decided to move on to someone who could give her what she needs.  And you can move on to someone who doesn't have an issue with it.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 8:10:49 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		That sounds right to me.

Also, the OP is implying that his E.D. comes from the five years that he spent in a sexless marriage.  I wouldn't be so sure that's the cause.  See a doctor.  E.D. is often a good indicator of other serious health problems.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

Sometimes we think that we can accept something, and then we discover that we can't.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 9:23:31 PM   
Shadows4Dom


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/14/2006
Status: offline 		To Celeste 43 The sub in question is 51 yrs  ( holds a RN license )  and yes I did tell her I was seeking medical help.
All of this took place in the first week, after I had moved in with her.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/12/2007 10:53:00 PM   
kate


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		you moved in with her after one week!?!!!!

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/13/2007 1:10:03 AM   
obey1


Posts: 227
Joined: 11/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There is a reason I'm a very good whore.


And what's that?

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/13/2007 5:12:56 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds to me a round about way of wanting release....Most males experience ED at some point in their lives. I've always been of the opinion that a couple should work through it together. If he won't go get treatment from a doctor that's one thing, I can see her saying she needed a fully function Dom and wanting release. But if you have sought treatment from a doctor and are trying to work with the problem then I think she is being unfair.

Talk to her...

~Lashra


_____________________________

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/13/2007 5:32:05 AM   
SCDommie


Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Why don't you go to the doctor?   They can help you have a nomal sexual life, and you will be so much happier.   That is probably what the sub was trying to get at, but this problem can be very real.  I know with my former marriage, it was, and go to the doc.  Men just do not go to the doctor like women do.  You can go to your family doctor.  

SCD

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/13/2007 8:28:49 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Ah, that info changes things. Basically she discovered after you moved in that she wasn't ready for that heavy a relationship, or certain habits of yours made you two incompatible. So she probably seized on this as an excuse.

But why would you move in with her after only one week? Set up for failure that. You need to get used to being on your own again and to have a lot deeper relationship before you move in together.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/13/2007 8:57:00 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		For me it would depend on how much attention other than cock penetration you had going on as to if I could be happy as your sub or not.
If you can't get hard, but used your hands, tongue, and toys it wouldn't be a big deal.
If you just didn't play sexually much I'd be so horny I'd be miserable.
ED does not IMO cause you to be disqualified, but lack of attention to my sexual needs would definitely leave you by the way side.
I personally lived with someone with ED in my past.
As we were active in many other ways sexually and still went through mock sexual stuff with him it did not phase me one bit and over all I was very satisfied in bed.
I think that's the key.
The hard cock = no issue on it's own.
Lack of attention to my twat due to your dysfunction = bye bye buddy.
suzanne

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/14/2007 1:39:56 PM   
sexyone4you


Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I think that sometimes there are things about people that we hope we can help them through & there are things we can live without.  After trying it for a bit, we realize we can't.  However, in your case, moving in after a week, that was more than likely her way of saying that the relationship was too much for her & the ED issues were a convenient scape goat.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/15/2007 6:37:06 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadows4Dom

To Celeste 43 The sub in question is 51 yrs  ( holds a RN license )  and yes I did tell her I was seeking medical help.
All of this took place in the first week, after I had moved in with her.


Sounds as though there is more going on. When you weren't living with her she did not have to be reminded of it on a daily basis. Maybe she thought she could overcome and work through it. For some this is something that they cannot fathom and deal with.

To me it sounds is if more issues are causing her to use this as an excuse. I do not think you can hold her to something she said early in a relationship that maybe at the time she thought she could deal with. Now she may have had for some reason a change of heart.

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/15/2007 7:36:32 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		I dont have a dick.  Well, if you dont count the one in my top dresser drawer.............

Talk to a lesbian or a bisexual woman, and put any pride aside.  There are many excellent ways to satisfy a woman sexually without a dick.

Hope I didnt offend but Im serious in offering this advice.  What have you go to lose?  Its not working, anyway . . . no pun intended. *smirks*

LBO

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RE: Should a Sub remind a Master of his Manly problem. - 2/15/2007 8:06:11 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		Sir, she may have not been acquainted with the reality of living without penetration when she said what she said. For her, she may need it more than she thought.

Personally, I thought I could never live without it. My ex-h was vitually celibate and our relationship was so far off the rails that it grated on my soul that there was no sex. That was before having a relationship so filled with intimacy that my SOUL is penetrated, my body more than amply pleasured in creative ways. My dom's equipment works fine but due to chronic low back pain and associated difficulty, a lot of genital sex is just not a part of the picture. While I truly cherish when it does happen, I am so sated otherwise (wow, does he have me way spoiled and ruined for anyone else!!!) that I don't miss it so much. And the crowning glory of it all is the intimacy we have in and out of bed. For once in my life I am a naked soul, known in my beauty and my NOT beautiful state. I LOVE how he shares himself with me in ways other than genital union. And yes I do mean sexually!!!

I do have the experience of someone playing me with toys to the extent that I felt he was treating me like a slot machine and avoiding actually being intimate with me. With my dom, we use some toys, but most often not, and no matter how we go about it, it's the emotional intimacy and connection that sets the night (or morning or afternoon) on fire.

I hope it's possible for the 2 of you to find ways to pleasure each other like we have.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 2/15/2007 8:11:49 PM >

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